Hello everyone. I found this site while researching what has happened to me. I was diagnosed with PTSD and major depression in 2006 after a break down and long psychiatric hospitalization. My incident took place on the job ten years ago when I tried to arrest an individual for the attempted murder of two police officers the previous day. The individual was armed with a 12 ga pump and .308 semi rifle and drew down on me. A short fire fight ensued resulting in the individual being shot through the chest by me. I remember Tache psych taking hold of me big time. I remember all the blood and man there was alot of it pumping out of him. I don't remember the gun shots. I didn't know about PTSD at the time but I had it right away. Hallucinations, flash backs, screaming night mares, panic attacks, avoidance behaviour all of it and throw in suicidal ideation. I was afraid of talking back then as I was sure I would lose my badge so I lived with it for ten years. It was the homicidal thoughts about my family that started along with the depression that sent me looking for help. I've been off the road over a year now on compensation, going to therapy and no end in sight. Its currently costing me an 18 year marriage which is going down the tubes as I've cut her off from me over the years. I plan on spending some time in these threads trying to mend myself.