As a child before the age of two I was moved to 20 different homes. I was adopted 1 week after the age of two and had some pretty good issues. My adoptive parents never told me of my experiences, they died 3 decades ago, and have just in the past 3 years learned the circumstances of my life prior to my adoption.
All of my adult life when I moved I would suffer from the most horrific nightmares. Atoms bombs going off, having to choose between life and death, seeing dead bodies etc. I didn't know why until I found out about the moves when I was younger.
After my breakdown (which involved being forced out of my house), I have had unstable housing situations. I have slept in my car in sub zero weather, wandered from one friend's house to another, slept outside in forests etc. Hasn't been much fun. It is like someone else takes me over and I just want to stay there and 'die' is the only feeling I can attach to it - although I am not prone to suicidal tendencies.
I am happy to say I am now settled but with a man who tends to move freely. He doesn't stay in one place very long. When we moved in with each other I was comatose for a week afterwards and it took me months to recover.
During these times I imagine myself getting in the car and leaving for a far away place (as far as I can), and idealize forgetting who I am. I tend to change my name and it seems like my need for an identity loss overcomes me. Now luckily the people who know me (I am surrounded by many healers as well), know that I am susceptible to this type of behaviour and they make sure there is someone with me at all times. They know this from past experience as I have actually taken off many times but luckily have not gotten far due to their diligence with me.
When I am retrieved I do not respond to my name and insist that my name is something else or that I don't have a name. This is no game. My head actually is there. It isn't until I stabilize and there is no talk of moving and people assure me that I am where I am to stay that I finally start coming around.
I would love to hear people's thoughts on this.
All of my adult life when I moved I would suffer from the most horrific nightmares. Atoms bombs going off, having to choose between life and death, seeing dead bodies etc. I didn't know why until I found out about the moves when I was younger.
After my breakdown (which involved being forced out of my house), I have had unstable housing situations. I have slept in my car in sub zero weather, wandered from one friend's house to another, slept outside in forests etc. Hasn't been much fun. It is like someone else takes me over and I just want to stay there and 'die' is the only feeling I can attach to it - although I am not prone to suicidal tendencies.
I am happy to say I am now settled but with a man who tends to move freely. He doesn't stay in one place very long. When we moved in with each other I was comatose for a week afterwards and it took me months to recover.
During these times I imagine myself getting in the car and leaving for a far away place (as far as I can), and idealize forgetting who I am. I tend to change my name and it seems like my need for an identity loss overcomes me. Now luckily the people who know me (I am surrounded by many healers as well), know that I am susceptible to this type of behaviour and they make sure there is someone with me at all times. They know this from past experience as I have actually taken off many times but luckily have not gotten far due to their diligence with me.
When I am retrieved I do not respond to my name and insist that my name is something else or that I don't have a name. This is no game. My head actually is there. It isn't until I stabilize and there is no talk of moving and people assure me that I am where I am to stay that I finally start coming around.
I would love to hear people's thoughts on this.
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