lostforgottensoul
MyPTSD Pro
So I have no idea what area this fits but I have been going through this cycle for a VERY long time. I know it happened the 2 ish years my parents lived with me. Not sure about the ex roommates but lets just say since I have been clean. And possibly longer. I work all week and those hrs have changed but I fight my way to work all week and then the weekend (or days off before it was the weekend) I crash and sleep all day.
I think its worse now that I am forced to work Mon - Fri as Sat & Sun there are no Drs to go to. And thats been at least a year now.
So, since my parents moved out, I can tell several different ways that I am in a pit of depression. My house is trashed. And reaks of cat piss. Which is what I was supposed to clean today. I got all the enzyme cleaner stuff. And I have a deep cleaner. And I can fight past the pain to do so. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stay awake. I couldn't stand up or the dizziness hit hard and I fell once because of it. I sit and tried to fight it and lost.
It looks like I just shot up herion or something. It looks like a drug sleep but it isn't. Its horrible and I hate it. With my dog's training, it is so important now that I move it to the day and I know flipping my sleeping schedule is hard but this isn't even that. This is a mental crash. It is also why I cant seem to work overtime. Its like I can only push so much and so hard and then thats it, my body shuts down. And I don't know what to do to prevent it or stop it. I have been trying every thing that I can think of to try. Get more sleep, get less sleep, sleep in the perfect atompshere, the self care that I know of, and many other things and I fail each weekend.
Also, when I finally wake up, I'm weak. Like I have the flu. So being productive then is out. I don't know how to explain this but a mental crash. All my medical Drs have tested me for many things and they haven't found anything medical causing it. It happened before medication. And I am so upset and frustrated at myself for not being able to fight it. I tried so hard and failed and now I am mentally beating up on myself. Ans thats the same every weekend. I cannot seem to fight it.
Does anyone know what I am even talking about and have ways to successfully stop this mental crash at the end of my work week? I'll do anything in my power. I just don't know what to do. I am sure this depression isn't helping but I'm not even sure what to do about that.
I don't know. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. Words seem to fall short right now....
I'm just so mad at myself that yet again, I slept through another Sat and couldn't fight it....
I think its worse now that I am forced to work Mon - Fri as Sat & Sun there are no Drs to go to. And thats been at least a year now.
So, since my parents moved out, I can tell several different ways that I am in a pit of depression. My house is trashed. And reaks of cat piss. Which is what I was supposed to clean today. I got all the enzyme cleaner stuff. And I have a deep cleaner. And I can fight past the pain to do so. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stay awake. I couldn't stand up or the dizziness hit hard and I fell once because of it. I sit and tried to fight it and lost.
It looks like I just shot up herion or something. It looks like a drug sleep but it isn't. Its horrible and I hate it. With my dog's training, it is so important now that I move it to the day and I know flipping my sleeping schedule is hard but this isn't even that. This is a mental crash. It is also why I cant seem to work overtime. Its like I can only push so much and so hard and then thats it, my body shuts down. And I don't know what to do to prevent it or stop it. I have been trying every thing that I can think of to try. Get more sleep, get less sleep, sleep in the perfect atompshere, the self care that I know of, and many other things and I fail each weekend.
Also, when I finally wake up, I'm weak. Like I have the flu. So being productive then is out. I don't know how to explain this but a mental crash. All my medical Drs have tested me for many things and they haven't found anything medical causing it. It happened before medication. And I am so upset and frustrated at myself for not being able to fight it. I tried so hard and failed and now I am mentally beating up on myself. Ans thats the same every weekend. I cannot seem to fight it.
Does anyone know what I am even talking about and have ways to successfully stop this mental crash at the end of my work week? I'll do anything in my power. I just don't know what to do. I am sure this depression isn't helping but I'm not even sure what to do about that.
I don't know. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. Words seem to fall short right now....
I'm just so mad at myself that yet again, I slept through another Sat and couldn't fight it....