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Protector Role

Discussion in 'General' started by John_R, Oct 13, 2007.

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  1. John_R

    John_R Member

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    Hi Everyone,

    I've been reading some posts on the forum here, and I've noticed some talk about "protector" as some sort of symptom.

    Does PTSD have a symptom of Protector? As in feeling an extreme desire/need to protect a significant other as an example?

    Thanks,
    John
     
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  3. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    Hmm I have not read anything of that nature here John, nor heard of this role of "protector" described particularly for PTSD. That certainly does not mean it doesn't exist, I don't read absolutely everything here. However as a carer, I am intrigued. Would you care to cite an example?
     
  4. John_R

    John_R Member

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    Hi Kathy,

    I could be mistaken. I could have sworn I was reading something about it here, but I can't find it now. I've done a key word search on Protector and it shows nothing, so I must be mistaken.

    John
     
  5. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I think I recall this discussion but will have to dig. I do think it is natural to be overprotective when we have suffered so much. We would never want our spouses and children to get hurt, our paranoia kind of bleeds over onto them. I know I would always call my husband if he was running late and always had to know he made it to work OK. I am better about it now but before he practically could not make a move without me knowing what he was doing at any given second. I just worried about him. I think this is very normal with PTSD.
     
  6. John_R

    John_R Member

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    Yes, exactly. I have always been that way in my relationships, and when I have symptoms I most definitely find myself "checking up" because I feel fear that I'll be betrayed and abandoned.

    The downside is that that behavior has ruined many relationships. The bottom line is that when I do that in a negative way it says I don't trust. It's like calling her a lire.

    When I'm symptom free I still have a great deal of concern, and I want her to call when she gets home, and or when she is going long distance somewhere because I get worried for her.

    I just recently had a fight with my girlfriend we're both middle aged big blow up because I felt that she blew me off which caused me to just explode, and now I'm having a hard time trusting her even though we have made up and worked through the actual incident. I just feel like I'm raw and way vulnerable.

    John
     
  7. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Trust issues are another big issue and certainly can ruin a relationship quick. I think that is where our self esteem comes into play... Just my opinion on it of course.
     
  8. John_R

    John_R Member

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    I completely agree.

    John
     
  9. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

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    I have the same problem. My son was 17 and went out of state for two weeks and I was scared to death. I had him call me when he got there which he did, then I asked that he call me and let me know he was OK. Of course he never called the whole two weeks, and I had to fight myself not to call him. I got through it and I felt so proud of myself when he returned safe and I didn't make one phone call to check on him.

    It stands to reason that as a parent I 'should' check on him. But I'm trying to learn to stop this behavior of constantly knowing if my family is OK.

    I guess my point is that if you try real hard to let go of protecting, use a very challenging issue such as some one leaving for an extended period of time with out checking on them, and then it gets easier. (it has for me anyway)

    My son is 18 now and stays out all night and I don't call and check on him. I trust he is making good decisions by staying at a friend's house if he is to tired to drive. (Along with the other obvious reasons he wouldn't drive)

    Good luck
    Tammy
     
  10. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    Ah of course, being overprotective. Yes I agree that is very common, as Veiled suggests. Though in our house, we mostly protect our PTSD sufferer, not the other way around. Though she does get quite overprotective of us at times, even here on the forum. My apologies John, I did not equate "Protector" with being overprotective. Partially semantics and partially my being tired! :rolleyes:
     
  11. John_R

    John_R Member

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    Oh no worries Kathy. I'm grateful for all the input and sharing.

    John
     
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