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Psychologist Told My Husband He Is Doing The Right Thing

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by dazednconfused, Dec 10, 2006.

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  1. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

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    My husband says now that the psychologist agrees with him that he needs to get a divorce for him to have "boundaries" with his PTSD. Could someone please explain this one to me? She does not even know us, or how our life together up to this point has been and so why is she telling him he needs a divorce for boundaries and he says things like divorce is not permanent and we could always try to "get back together" once he gets himself straightened out. This all is just so confusing to me. Why does he need the divorce for boundaries? Thought you might could shed some light on the subject for me....

    dazed
     
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  3. hannah

    hannah Active Member

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    Hi Dazed I'm feeling for you ,Then perhaps you should speak to the psych? is that possible a calm chat with his therapist is surely what you deserve to have a better understanding - all we want is basic happiness for everyone and if we have to make sacrifices then it will surely make us better people. Taking a lot of deep breaths today - trying to top up my tank of patience......that will serve as agift to me and my kids...
     
  4. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Dazed, I would want to hear it for myself out of the physicians mouth actually, because I think your husband is feeding you shit to create excuses for himself... its called denial.
     
  5. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

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    I think you could be right...

    The psychologist will not talk to me about his condition at all because of confidentiality, so I will be in the dark forever on that one I guess.

    I think he is talking crap too. I think he doesn't even know what he wants other than to have his cake and eat it too and that is not going to work with me anymore.

    He still thinks he is in control of the situation bullying me and thinking that I will let him out of his responsibilities, but that is not going to happen either if I can help it.

    Thanks guys.

    dazed
     
  6. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

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    i dont know what psychologist he is seeing...this does not seem right. Cant say much, cannot express my opinion because this does not make sense...something is not right here. You guys are still married right? i think you do have the right to go to couseling with him....i dunno.... this is a tough one...keep us updated with any new info dazed
     
  7. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

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    don't have right to go to counselling....

    I do not have the right to go to counselling with him unless he allows me to do so. We are separated and as he puts it "what he does with his life now is none of my business". I guess anything he does now, he does not have to feel guilty as much for, since I am no longer living with him and he is actively according to him "getting a divorce". Of course, I do not have any papers to that effect yet, but he promises that these are coming. I am just so tired of this crap.....

    dazed
     
  8. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Just curious... Why don't you call his bluff instead of letting him string you along by the nose? Go file yourself as he is full of it, but I was beaten to that call. But you file and you are the one asking for all you want, and he has to defend himself. I mean how much of this can you stand disorder or not aside? You have to grow as a person too.
     
  9. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

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    I know what you are saying...

    As for me filing, I do not feel I should be the one to file for one reason is because of the way I was brought up regarding what is in the Bible regarding this and for another one, I did not want this divorce and should not have to pay for it and I am hoping that he will settle out of court. I know I will still have to obtain a lawyer and all to review what he puts in the papers, but hopefully he will not want to risk going before the judge. He says his lawyer told him it will be handled out of court, so we shall see. The only way it will be handled out of court is if he steps up to the plate though....

    Also, I know I am co-dependent I think as I grew up in an alcoholic home and I am learning about coping with all this stuff along with my mama being ill and other things going on in my life. It is just a lot of stuff at once for me and I am dealing with it the best way I know how to do it....

    Thanks for your input.

    dazed
     
  10. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

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    Dazed,
    I agree with veiled... your husband seems to be alot of talk.. He wants a divorce?! its been long enough and he is putting you through hell so give him one. This is hurting you greatly and its sad to see that. Do better for yourself and dont play along with him anymore... There is only so much you can do, and put up with...your husband is taking advantage of that, its his only control it seems and its not right.
     
  11. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I was raised Catholic... And well it is next to impossible to have the church recognize a divorce, but you toss in adultery even the Catholic church will recognize it. The bible has a few hard steady rules, but they also have made exceptions to those rules. So that is not a fair argument.

    Also when you divorce, any lawyer sues for your fees to be covered and if what you describe is accurate they would do just that... Not sure where you are but that is just a standard proceeding in the states.

    And no such thing as not go through the courts. You have to go to court to divorce.
     
  12. tig

    tig Active Member

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    Bravo, Anthony! This is bullshit!!!
    Veiled is right-- it's ALWAYS to YOUR benefit to FILE FIRST!!!
     
  13. tig

    tig Active Member

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    By the way, once you file (for divorce), your attorney can show just cause & ask the judge to subpoena the notes from psychologist. (This was done to me...) That should answer some questions & give you some bargaining chips.
     
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