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PTSD , 3 Years on and Somewhat Coping. But a New Issue.

Discussion in 'General' started by bennjamin, Oct 20, 2006.

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  1. bennjamin

    bennjamin Member

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    hi all.

    Been abit since ive last posted in this forum ( i occasionaly refresh to see whats new). Im just in to see how thigns are and discuss alittle about my mental and physical health.

    I have been with my current gf for 6 months - she has been told the story of my past ([DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread60.html[/DLMURL]) ([DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread177.html[/DLMURL]) and to be honest things between us have been goign on fantastic.
    I have practically moved in with her ( into her family home , with her father) and i feel like a "home" once again.
    I own my own home elsewhere , but the cost was not cheap(the loss of my mother).

    Anyway , yadda yadda been keeping myself busy with small jobs here and there ~ is it me or is there NO way i can possibly land any form of full time work....my mind wonders after sucha short time of "monotomy".
    The last 2 months or so i have been plauged with a series of "Health" thoughts and issues.
    I started getting an upset stomach on occasion ~ my diet had changed quite abit with late night snacks and cans of coke before sleep with my GF.
    Got it checked out , thought to be an ulcer - got a blood test and was OK.
    IVe gotten on medication for acid reduction but while it has calmed my stomach , im getting a whole set of different symptoms...
    *sproadic*
    fatigue , random muscle aches , tingling in hands and feet , sore lower back sometimes etc. While im sure PTSD and paranoia does not help , surely am i makign this up in my head or is it real ? MY local doctor just looked at me when i described all the "things" happening , and then said " is that it ?". Ive been shoved off in better ways. Maybe due to my age (24) there is no real need for concern.

    Anyone else fnd PTSD or any anxiety etc etc can mentally and physically control u / scare u ?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2015
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  3. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Hey Ben,

    Mate, to be honest, you might find it is the PTSD itself causing this. PTSD is not just a mental illness, as it attempts to control our minds, thus our mind controls our body. For example, our body itself does not really feel pain, it is the mind that registers this and tells us to feel pain, and it provides the data back and forth between the pain and itself (brain). For example, if you read [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread253.html[/DLMURL] you will find so many physical aspects all caused by PTSD.

    As for the work, it is possible to have a full-time job for some, others it may never be possible again. I have tried to work with my PTSD, and even now being healed as such from my traumas, tried again, and I have failed to do it each time because my symptoms simply over-power me. Regardless how much I expose myself to any form of work, my stress and anxiety still overcomes me. Now this isn't to say that this won't change in the future, because it may. So I guess I am saying, it is really a continual effort to try new things, expose yourself, push yourself past any initial anxiety and stressors, and if your mind and body fail to cope, then you must withdraw and try something differently.

    Every person is vastly different in regards to the severity of their PTSD itself, being the symptoms, in that some may suffer the anxiety worse, some the depression. So for some, they can work full-time and only fight having to push themselves out of bed and the house, and once going for the day, they are fine. Others can get up and out without issue, but within a couple of hours into the day, anxiety begins building in them, then by midday, their bodies begin shutting down and are quite irritable, and if they make it to the end of the day, they basically fall over when they get home. Now whilst you can do this for maybe a few weeks / two months, your body will eventually wear out so bad, that it will just fail you because the constant daily stress upon it is so much it physically cannot and will not cope.

    Even though my shrink told me I would never work again bar maybe a couple of hours a day, or non-profit type work that exerts no stress what so ever, I still continue to push myself at times and try. Sure, everytime I have done so thus far I have fallen over, but that won't stop me continually trying, because as I heal more and more each day, each month, each year, my mind and body at some time must become more available to me for the ability to work. If I don't continue to try, then I will never know, but if I do, atleast I continue knowing my limitations. Each time I generally get a bit further... which says more time will maybe allow me to get back into a work routine. I have personally tried all the alternatives of low stress work, been my own boss, worked for others, gone to low stress roles with no public interaction, still didn't work for me personally. Saying that though, another it may work for and help them, because their symptom range is vastly different to mine.

    I think it comes down to simply, the more you heal, the more chance you have off getting yourself back into a daily work routine, whether it be part-time or full-time. I do work as such now, with other interests, though I only work approximately 1 - 2 hours a day, then my mind shuts down, and so begins my body also, so I must back off and recover. This here I do also, but this is more therapeudic opposed to work oriented I guess.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2015
  4. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    Anthony, While reading your response to Ben I'm thinking a little differently then I had been the other night. Have feelings of more compassion for myself, less guilt towards financial and care-taking obligation to my mother, more realism about just what the hell FOO violence and abuse did to me and I have hope that I never really do know what might occur in the future. In early 1997 I was feeling like I'd never again be fit to work another days work, quite honestly I wasn't even sure I'd live, but then a miracle happened in 1999 and I was briefly employed for a magazine as a graphic artist. On for about 8 mo. then off and several mo. later on 6 mo. then that's it for now folks. Though the sched. was part-time and very conv. I remem. getting home, quite irritable, arguementative, my mind shutting down and unable to think, and finally collapsing. I could get there, entusiastic, happy and in great shape, but as the day unfolded it became too much. I know one thing for sure I believe in miracles and dare to dream that another will come my way, because I appreciate good empl., dam hard worker when well, and it's one of my goals. Oh yeah, I just remember I do work. Have my hands full at the time with my two young children...can usually appreciate this. And, home just keeping it up and operating is a full-time job, in itself.
     
  5. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    Oh yeah, Ben I have certainly found that PTSD can both mentally and physically take control. When I was exactly your age I had the greatest difficulty in speaking up at the doctor's office and explaining just what was going on with me phys., never mind mentally. I remember the way my PTSD mentally manifested itself in phys. syptoms was unbelievable. They had me in for MRI's, some sort of evoked potential testing, and the works. One specific manifestation scared the sh#* out of me. I'd be like suddenly overcome with anxiety and emotions of helplessness and hopelessness and fear... and one side of my body would just kind of collapse, with my legs weakening and literally me falling down, sometimes on my face. And I remember thinking there was some kind of a connection to the way I was mentally thinking and feeling and that perhaps I was in control of this and could stop it. No way. This and other yucky, scary, terribly frightening symptoms had hold of me for sometime and I wasn't about to stand before the doctor and point out all of them, because I honestly thought I must be either cracked or suffering some horrible undiagnosed physcial disease. Haven't exper. that severe comb. of symptoms now in sometime...and hope they'll never return.

    Good luck to you bennjamin and hope things get better for you.
     
  6. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Bingo Hope... two kids and a house to run, is a full-time job, and is even recognised as such by most countries laws when it comes to divorce, in that if one is the money maker, the other raises the children and maintains the house, both have done equal employment in the eyes of the law as such. Children and a house is a full-time commitment, no doubt at all. Good to see you are giving yourself more credit for this, because you deserve it.

    Hope, there are always options for employment if you want it, often we just need to think outside the box. Often nowadays employment in fields such as your own, can be done from home to cater for illnesses such as PTSD, or even establishing your own web site and doing a little cash in hand work for anyone in the world. You control how much you do and when you work as such. Options are always available, not just the financial aspects, but more the human aspects to make us feel we are worth something more, if that is what one needs to feel comfortable within themselves. There is nothing wrong with not working because of PTSD, or working with PTSD, both are an individuals choice, and only the person knows or not, whether they and their PTSD can cope or not. Hell, some don't work and PTSD kicks them all over the place, then by getting out to work, that helps them control their PTSD. Some go on the opposite spectrum, in that they can function daily, but when exposed to people and employment stressors, that sends them over the edge and ill.

    Either scenario, options exist more often than not to cater the individuals needs for self worth, or PTSD control and management.
     
  7. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Actually about two weeks before my emotional symptoms started, I began having physical ones. Pain and muscle spasms in my abdomin and lower back. Then as the emotional symptoms came out, the physical ones got worse and have spread all over the place. And when there's more pain, I get more anxious and then the pain gets worse and it's just a vicious cycle.

    And I understand about the physical stuff controlling and scaring you. My father went to the doctor because he had pain on his side. They thought it was his gall bladder-turned out he had end stage cancer and died within three weeks. Yeah...pain scares the hell out of me. Every time I have some new pain or discomfort, it doesn't matter if it's my little toe, the first thought that pops into my head is 'OMG...what if it's cancer?' I've 'talked myself off of the ledge' more times than I can count. I feel like an idiot, but that's just become such a knee jerk reaction with me.

    And the doctor looking at you like s/he wants to pat you on the head and send you away...that just chaps my ass. I thought these people were taught compassion for others. Hmmm...mine must have cut class that day.

    Learning that a lot of things that go on in my head are from the PTSD has helped, but I've yet to learn how to turn that damned switch off in my head. Hoping to find my personal switch (or at least a dimmer knob) soon.
     
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