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ED Ptsd & eating disorder

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I started apple cider vinegar again. It suppose to balance blood sugars so cravings and stress hormones dont go buffet as easy.

Hopefully it helps to regain stability.
 
Food playing on my mind right now just the desire to not put stuff in my body so let's change this up a bit and talk about food in a positive way with healthy winter snack and meal recipes. I'm such a shit cook so anyone up for going first? I will learn fro m your wisdom and share my own ideas.
 
My eating has gotten very distorted since I started facing the abuse in August. Starving myself whenever I feel overwhelmed. It doesn't feel like it's related to body image at all--I don't care how fat or thin I am--I don't care about my body much at all. I'm either starving myself when I'm overwhelmed and frustrated or binging when I want to "take care of myself." Sometimes I will "just eat", but usually it is either incidental or because I'm really trying to be nice to myself.
 
It's a weird ass feeling to come to the realization that you've fought and won many battles against various chemicals, not to mention the f'n humans, that tried to attach themselves to our psyche (like street drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, specifically, in my case) only to find that we've been born into other various chemical addictions fostered from birth that are said to be vital, nutritious, highly regulated and safe, FDA approved, and often times specifically designed in little test tubes in some factory to be highly addictive to ensure ongoing and repeated purchases.

But yet it's ALL allowed to be called nutrition of some sort, albeit synthetically so, which our body greatly struggles with recognizing, healthily processing and eliminating, and the specifics of the whole scene are taught in very many misleading (mainly by selective omission of other very relevant information) ways to the very folks being educated to help us care for our health. Many bodies are simply in a state of ongoing shock from decades of misleading consumption habits, yet their symptoms are all diagnosed as many other things, rarely ever attributed to food choices, at least in my experiences as a former 324 lb. patient. No wonder we struggle like a mofo when trying to figure it all out as it pertains to our individual circumstances and biology. Misled, mis-fed, and pretty much left for dead is how I felt.

The only things that truly help keep me well in that regard now are remembering how bad I felt before in every single area of my life, learning to make dishes/snacks/beverages that taste a lot like the "comfort" things I used to not be able to control myself around so I feel like I'm not depriving myself, and to only stock the ingredients I know I can safely and healthily consume and not suffer the deep emotional hangovers once I do.

I don't have to restrict my overall intake as much when I make the cleaner forms of nutritious stuff available, as long as I remain mindful of not eating solid food after dinner. If I start that again, it ends up leading to late night binging, as I used to do. For me, having anything else in the house is akin to expecting a crack addict to safely navigate a crack house w/o taking a hit. It simply can't happen. I do, however, have to restrict my interactions with the places and people (imagine it being other crack houses and other crack addicts) who continue to be immersed in all the things that made me so ill for so long, and that's not easy, but very necessary if I wish to maintain the quality of life/wellness I've finally found for myself. If I were giving up alcohol, I sure as hell couldn't frequent the bar.

It's the absolute hardest thing I've faced in my life so far. Quitting the other things/chemicals seemed like a breeze compared to this. I didn't have to consume alcohol/street drugs/tobacco several times a day to live, but I do have to eat and hydrate, making every single choice a critical one. It took becoming almost bed ridden, then a trip to the ER facing organ removal to make me finally act on it fully, though. I tiptoed around it all for years without actually doing much about it, nor did the doctors/specialists seem too concerned as long as I kept going back to keep getting the meds they said I needed at various times, which seemed to break me down even worse rather than help me. I never gracefully enter into helpful things, it seems, but rather have to be catapulted by life circumstance. May we all find our comfort in things that don't harm us any further. It's a f'n jungle out there.
 
Hello,

I was wondering if other people are dealing with the daunting task of recovering from an eating disorder...

Mine is nighttime eating caused by my meds. The info sheets that came with the meds also tell that weight gain is a side effect. I'm gaining. I'm overeating in the middle of the night quite often. I do it when I am half asleep. I am not awake enough to stop myself sometimes. Other times I can stop myself.

Then, sometimes during the day, I do not really feel hunger either, as several of you have said here. This happens especially when I am super upset. When that happens, I have to force myself to eat.

I am an emotional eater. It can go either way. Sometimes I am overeating because of emotions and sometimes I undereat because of them. I never know what any one give day will bring my way in terms of emotions and then again what the meds will do to me. It truly is a "one day at a time" thing.
 
I began eating too much age 9 when the csa started and gained very quickly. As well as using food for comfort I think I was trying to make myself unattractive and safe though it didn't stop the abuse.

Age 15 the csa stopped as I grew strong enough to fight him off me. Then I restricted my eating fairly extremely and lost every pound.

Since then I often have had spells of binging particularly when I've been abused again and frequently lost it after.

Very heavy again currently. I'm guessing I'll lose again when I get away.
 
I had a fasting blood test this morning and I was able to fast for about 13 hours, so I know I can make it through the night now, and I won't "die" if I don't eat at 3 AM. Now if I can just remember this at 3 AM next morning!
 
I had a fasting blood test this morning and I was able to fast for about 13 hours, so I know I can...
I have an antidepressant that I was on and finally quit, because I would be half awake in the middle of the night and eat also. It made me so hungry and gain a ton of weight that I am working on losing.
 
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