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Undiagnosed Ptsd From Mental Health Treatment

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potager

New Here
Hello...

I have joined up as after ten years of trying to cope alone with PTSD, I have come to realise that I can't carry on without help... After seven years of keeping my secret I had a melt down at work and blurted my story out to my boss. I regret this, but you can't unsay something....


I have experienced mental health problems since a teenager. I experienced difficult relationships with my parents growing up and I entered adult hood feeling depressed, anxious and lost. I began taking Effexor, an SSRI, when I was 24, went to therapy, took up yoga and gardening and by 29 I had learnt a lot about myself and how to take better care of myself. I decided to withdraw from the Effexor. Unfortunately I suffered a severe withdrawal reaction and entered a world of psychosis and mania that ended up with being sectioned twice and forcibly treated. The delusions that I experienced were terrifying and unrelenting for three months. I repeatedly told the doctors and nurses that I was ill due to withdrawal. They did not accept this and I was seen as difficult... I won a tribunal and therefore became a voluntary patient. I managed to persuade them to prescribe Effexor again and I was immediately transported back to reality.

I realise that a lot of people feel benefits from medication, any thing which helps people feel better has got to be a good thing and it is not my intention to deny anyone else's experience. However the withdrawal from these drugs ripped my life and my mind apart and I guess that I am still struggling to make sense of it...

I haven't seen a medical professional for my mental health in eight years and I don't intend for that to change. However I realise I need help... I am struggling to contain and hide how I am feeling and I feel unbearably vulnerable because of that.


I have many symptoms of PTSD which relate to the treatment I received whilst in hospital, as well as experiencing psychosis, which came with a feeling of terror and fear that lasted for what seemed forever....

I now think that seeking a therapist for support is needed. I intend to seek one on a private basis, as I will never seek out help from psychiatric services or doctors for matters of the mind. The difficult bit is finding someone to trust and someone who will believe what happened to me....

I know that I can't carry on like this.... So I have been mooching about on the Internet and ended up here.... Hello everyone...
 
Well hello, and welcome to the site, you are now in the right place to get all the help and support you need. I know I did, I was a write off when I first came in here, now I feel like I could pass a MOT.

I hope you can stay around, and post more, look forward to that.
 
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Hi and welcome X what a journey you have had to entail. You've definitely come to the right place for support. What was your managers reaction, were they supported? Why did you regret it, you obviously needed to offload surely they would understand that. I wish you well in your recovery x
 
Hi

Yes my boss was supportive, if a little shocked!!

Unfortunately now he keeps really triggering me and I have felt very angry towards him, which I have barely been able to hide since.

He is kind and well intentioned but is being very heavy handed with cliches such as 'don't bottle it up' and the like.

I also fear that he will always think of me as 'crazy' and that my opinions and emotions are intertwined with this. I prefer to see myself as me.

To put it bluntly, whilst I appreciate that he is trying to be kind, I don't want or need nor have I asked for his help. Although of course I realise that in a way I have, albeit unplanned...

I would like to erase his memory but I can't. It was nice going to work and being someone else... My friend says it is an important step in recovery/healing, to be yourself. I am not so sure.

Thank you for your kind words namenotdiagnosis. Great name by the way!
 
I totally understand where your coming from re your boss, for me it's really difficult because if I'm having a bad day not triggering or flashbacking my boss will be saying ohhh r u k , is it your Ptsd , r u triggering then shel ask my colleagues if I'm ok, it really winds me up because I'm not allowed to ever have an off day because it goes back to my diagnosis ! Because I hold a high position in the company And If I lose my temper it goes back to my Ptsd but before my diagnosis it was fine, because that was just me!
 
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@potager Welcome to the forum!

PTSD has this lovely habit of rearing its ugly head even after stretches of being relatively stable. It is a good idea to get some extra support during this time and this forum is a great place to find this among people who really understand.
 
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Welcome @potager

I don't take any meds but did take Effexor for depression about 14 years ago. I didn't have anything like the intense withdrawal experience you had - sounds very frightening - but I did find the side effects of coming off it very unpleasant and quite scary.

Sounds like working with a therapist could provide the support you're looking for at the moment. I'm sure you already know this, but I'd strongly suggest finding someone who is registered with the UKCP and a member of BACP. And someone who specialises in PTSD/trauma. Most therapists will agree to do an initial phone call with you for free - some will even do a face-to-face meeting free of charge. So maybe start off on those sites and look for people in your area, then start phoning around and see how you feel about them when you first chat to them on the phone. I don't think any good therapist - particularly one who is experienced in PTSD/trauma - will start from a place of not believing you.

Good luck with your search!
 
Hello

I am feeling a lot better today, a bit sharper and less trapped in my mind. Yes @intothelight, ain't that the truth, the oscillation is tiring... I will enjoy the respir while it lasts.... Longer term I will look for a counsellor, thank you for the suggestions @barefoot . I am sure you are right about being believed, this is a biggie for me as I had to fight so hard to get given Effexor again. However it is reassuring to read around the forums that being fearful of not being believed is an issue for a lot of people. I am not alone in this it seems. That feels good.

I met my boss today and he seems to have taken the hint and has stopped probing me so much.

@Namenotdiagnosis - that sounds really difficult. it is horrible to have your emotions and personality reduced to a label.

Thank you all for such a warm welcome. I am learning a lot here, thanks.
 
Hello

I am feeling a lot better today, a bit sharper and less trapped in my mind. Yes @intot...



A BIG WELCOME Potager!! So happy you are here! I'm new here, too! SO glad to hear today is a better day and that you boss seems to have "taken the hint" - that is the best news to hear!! Yay!

I've been diagnosed also with PTSD (and Anxiety, Major Depression along with severe GERD, Hiatal Hernia, Colitis, chronic-acute pain from sports and percussion injuries)

About people not believing you - I've been in that spot so many times, I believe it's what made my stomach ill. I'd been raped by an unknown person at age 16 with a knife at my neck (just mentioning that takes me back and I feel the object at my neck so I don't bring this up often), anyways, I had a moment to break free in the beginning, it was in front of a hotel (grew up in a tourist town right on the beach), lots of people around and I screamed for help - no one bothered and he grabbed me again and took me further up the cliff, raped me and threatened my life. Went to a friend's house; knew my mom would be mad and not believe me, friend called police, they took me to station, took statement, called my mom which I begged them not to, she came up, was, of course, pleasant with police, dragged me home by hair yelling at me, throwing me in my little room. woke up next morning with her pounding me in the face and body to get up and go to school (middle of week), when I got home, everything was gone in my room, my dog she left in back yard and said I'd better find a place for him now or she's taking him to the pound. (SHE brought him home for me in the first place). One of my friends took him, but I didn't like the way she treated animals and I mentally suffered over my dog deeply and still do, I loved him so dearly. She moved all my stuff and dumped it on my dad's front door at the low income one bedroom place he was living in another town. He didn't even know. He, of course, took me in, and a few weeks later even moved us down to where my High School was. But my mom never believed me at all - didn't even want to hear it from me.

I could go on with another rape 2 or 3 years later that was never believed by anyone, and the ultimate betrayal by my old Psychologist who sexually exploited me for 6 months after wrongly diagnosing me and his pal, the Psychiatrist, my then-Psychiatrist dosing me with tons of the wrong meds put me in a zombie-like state to where I submitted myself to this Psychiatrist both in his office and he'd come to my house. Horrific. Slowly took myself off of the certain meds for the wrong diagnosis and became clear - long story, but I turned him into the Medical Board once I realized what was really happening and months later I filed a lawsuit. He did have an accusation filed against him.

I'm sorry for the babble . . . I just want you to believe that I truly, truly believe you all the way and that I have totally been through the same thing. There have been many other incidents as well, but for now, I am so happy to hear that today . . .TODAY is a BETTER DAY for you!! YAY! Very nice to meet you!!
 
I believe you. The same thing happened to me but with benzodiazepines. I am now suffering from PTSD symptoms as a result. I will be writing my introduction soon, as I have just joined the site. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm here to support you!
 
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