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Ptsd Has Become Me

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toughgirl

New Here
When I started EMDR I was excited I was going to finally get over my PTSD. It has helped a lot but now I feel like I am obsessed with getting better all I do is think about my anxiety/PTSD and how to fix it. It has started interfering in my relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years. I feel like I lost myself all I am is PTSD and that when he finds other attractive I start to panic because no matter how many times he tell me he wants me I feel like all other women he talks to are better then me because I have PTSD. I feel like my PTSD is my biggest problem and that no one could ever love me because of it. I have became nothing all I want to do is focus on PTSD never relax never have fun. I feel like I am going to loss everything I love but I feel like can't stop. I have lived with PTSD for 7 year and all I want is it to go away. Any advice
 
"Don't call her beautiful. She hates that!" -one of my crew (military) giving advice to a bloke I was schtupping who wanted to date me. A very long time ago.

I didn't used to be so good at allowing other people their own thoughts and feelings. Honestly, I'm still not great at it, but this is one area I'm halfway decent at. I'm not pretty, and I know it. It used to piss me the hell off when someone would say otherwise, because I saw it as lying. I've never come to believe that I'm pretty. I'm not. But other people are "allowed" to have different tastes. They can think ugly as sin is sexy as hell, and whatever. Some people love chocolate, or puke green couches, or the most boring sport in existence. That's their prerogative, not mine. It's not lying. It's thinking and feeling that disagrees with the way I think and feel. So I can think they're an idiot! :) but just because they disagree with me doesn't make them wrong, or make them liars. It just makes them different than me.

I still have trust issues in spades. But, you'll hear this a lot in these forums, feelings are not reality. Just because you feel that every other woman is better than you? Doesn't make that the truth, and it definitely doesn't make that his truth. He's "allowed" to think and feel differently than you do. He's allowed to love you, and think you're amazing... Even when you don't.
 
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