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Relationship Ptsd Sufferers Who Have Cheated On Their Partners, I Have Questions For You...

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I have grieved a few times but it always tends to break her more in the process.
It is shared breaking. All the pains of a marriage are shared.
My other terrible situations? I don't think you have time to read a book on here...
No, I don't right now, because I have to find a meal for my poorly husband that doesn't set off my very odd kitchen related triggers. But I will have time to read about the over the next two days. It may well take you that long to begin to express them, so that will fit nicely.

I do suspect very strongly that your part in moving all this forward is to resolve those faulty lessons that say
I've always had to be an island and stay strong

You can't be an island in a marriage, it involves too many defences and drawbridges.
 
I'm answering this anonymously, I hope you understand the reasons why I would.

1. I was attracted to another man and I was unable to control my sexual urges.
2. I conffessed it to my partner and he was hurt, of course. He told me that he never had cheated on me.
3. see answer to #2.
4.Yes, I felt guilty and sad, and tried to stop cheating, but I could not control myself and went back to it again. Finally I was able to stop, but that was a couple of years after I started. My husband forgave me then. That really helped me a lot too.
5. No, I did not blame my husband, I knew I was in the wrong and accepted that.
6. Yes, I did finally stop for good. I started going back to church and God helped me to stop cheating.
7. I stopped by praying to God to help me to stop, which He did.
8. He trusted me again awhile after I stopped for the final time. We held hands and he forgave me. I think he knew I was fragile and unable to control myself. I had not been diagnosed with PTSD yet when most of this occurred. I was diagnosed during it all and I think my therapist did stuff to help me to stop too. My therapist was doing CBT on me. I think that helped.
 
I'm answering this anonymously, I hope you understand the reasons why I would.

Thank you for replying even anonymously. To be honest, I feel dead inside today. Perhaps this is the new me. Let's hope so. Hope was not pleasant to feel.
 
@mr_smith_v2 at this point in time she has repeated this behavior on two different occasions. You are probably never going to get an answer to "why", but you do know this is what she does.

This is what she does, for whatever reason.

She may be a cheater by nature, or she may decide that some self loathing/self destructive, impulse control, or other PTSD symptom is a reason to cheat. Doesn't matter... It's happening either way.

Are you going to be OK with this in a relationship? That's the only thing you can control.
 
I'm answering this anonymously, I hope you understand the reasons why I would.

1. I was attracted to...

I know you posted anonymously, but if you would talk to me in a private chat, I really would like to ask more questions about the facing the situation and recovery of it.
 
I don't know if my cheating directly related to my ptsd, but it DEFINITELY related to the trauma I suffered that caused the ptsd.

People are probably reacting defensively because you categorised, likely unintentionally, you are hurt.
Hugs

For me it was all about my lack of self worth and a desire for acceptance.
I think it was also out of spite or revenge because my partner at the time was mostly physically and emotionally absent.

When I eventually found a supportive partner who made me feel worthy and loved, I never cheated again.

Not saying it is your fault at all, but by the description of her guilt that you gave, it wasn't maliciously intended.
 
I don't know if my cheating directly related to my ptsd, but it DEFINITELY related to the trauma I suff...

Your comment seems to help. I believe that her perceptions of the situation were distorted to cause those views to perhaps be taken as real but were not. She mentioned not feeling love or trust although those things were there. She hasn't been too keen on noticing how PTSD effects her perceptions and actions. Also was sick for a few months which altered my ability to do as much with her or be mentally present. This all happened during holiday months when she is stressed as well as uncommon stressors that happened this year that don't happen every year.

This makes quite a bit of sense. Cheating I believe is not acceptable for any reason, but reason does help understanding in order to mitigate those issues in the future by us both knowing what is going on consciously vs not knowing and being blindsided with it.

Thank you for replying with your insight.
 
Victims abusive childhoods, particularly sexual abuse have a distorted view of love and how to give and receive it healthily.

It takes an incredibly patient and emotionally supportive person to love them and teach them how to love.

Hopefully this isn't stepping over the line, but you seem to be suffering from your own issues as well, maybe its time to be open with yourself.
 
@Casey_03 I think you hit the nail on the head. He has made it very clear that he is only looking for people to tell him what he wants to hear. If the way he has tried to control this thread is any indication of how he has tried to control his relationship, then it becomes easy to imagine she cheated as a way to get out of the relationship.
Just poking in my nose - this thread is hot/heated, which is fine. But let's try and address each other directly, as opposed to talking about someone (in this case, OP @mr_smith_v2), as if he were not present in the thread. Or, said more simply: use 'you' instead of 'he'.

No rules broken, just asking to keep the engagement face-to-face. Remember, between sufferers and supporters there can be strong disagreement - and both can be right.
 
I have found the same within Narcissistic Personality Disorders as well. Perhaps it is a commonality...

Most of humanity isn't given a set of traits to look for. They have to wild west that stuff. That is frankly a terrifying thing to look for what you don't know what to look for. Although most of humanity doesn't have to look for things that are straight up screwing with them in the most terrifying ways like PTSD can. It is distressing to see my partner having to deal with such things. I know watching it is terrifying, but she actually is living it which frankly sounds much worse of an experience. Empathy and sympathy only gets you so far to understanding a persons experience which tends to be quite a tiny fraction of what the person is actually going through.
 
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