Peer support subsequent to trauma contributes to full recovery

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) -- including complex trauma (cPTSD) -- is debilitating, breaking down the body through anxiety and stress, and it poses a significant suicide risk in sufferers. MyPTSD seeks to help and inform those who are directly or indirectly affected by these conditions through peer-to-peer support and educational resources.

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PTSD Treatment Center

Discussion in 'Supporter General Discussion' started by Vickym, Apr 14, 2009.

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  1. Vickym

    Vickym Active Member

    My bf is finally going to a PTSD treatment center. Its for 5 days. Has anyone here gone to one before?

    We have been together for 1 1/2 years now. His down times are lasting longer and longer each time something triggers him. This last time it lasted 4 weeks. I really wasn't sure if I was going to make it through it. It seems as if the more time we are together the more he pushes me away and dumps on me.

    The worst part is watching him text and talk to everyone but me. Everyone else get treated nice and with respect, then there is me the dumping station.

    I talked to someone from the VA the other day she says it will get better give it time. I don't see the better anymore its like I'm losing hope. He slips further and further each time.

    He is able to tell others how much he loves me and wants things to work. Why not tell me? I mean I'm the one in the relationship. Im just having a hard time. Im tired of there being no support for me. He stopped taking me to our counceling appts. His family is no support to him or me, in fact they make things worse. He knows it but still goes back for more.

    Im just wonder if anyone thinks this treatment will help.
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  3. cragger65

    cragger65 I'm a VIP

    It's got to be worth a try, it doesn't sound like things will improve on their own. He is willing to go to treatment? That's a good sign.
  4. carich75

    carich75 New Member

    I've never heard of that type of treatment. While I think it is very sweet of you to stick around in this situation, I'd have to say if you were my sister I'd recommend you jump ship. You have no duty to be on the receiving end of his issues. If he decides to treat you right while he is working out his issues, then you can decide if you are willing to be there. I personally can't stand it when people let me off the hook on stuff because of my past. There is still a compatibility issue, and natural selection. Love him just the way his is, or move on. If you don't want him the way he is, then you aren't really doing him any favors by trying to fix him or accepting his inadequecies.
  5. Lucy Loo

    Lucy Loo Active Member

    Hi Vicky,

    I'm a carer. Married for 11 years, husband diagnosed for about 3 years now, my husband's nowhere near recovery, remission, or whatever the term would be for doing better....

    I've never heard of a five day treatment center either. Is it inpatient or outpatient?

    Does he currently get any other treatment / help? Just from what I've read on here, he's gonna need a lot more than five days to start getting any better. And his PTSD is no excuse for treating you like dirt. Set some boundaries about what is and what isn't acceptable behavior by him, and stick to them. Because there is no guarantee that he is going to get better, and you don't want him still treating you this way 5 years down the road, right?

    Good luck. Hope I didn't sound too gruff. I know how hard it is sometimes to draw the line because you just want to write it off as the PTSD, but you don't deserve to be treated this way no matter what he's going through, understand?
    fin likes this.
  6. Shoka

    Shoka Well-Known Member

    Hi Vicky,

    I'm a carer. My BF has been undergoing an intense therapy outpatient treatment for about 2 months now. It has definetly helped, but it's not a miracle Cure. Recovery, remission or whatever the term is (as Lucy Loo says) is NOT quick, is NOT easy and is NOT smooth.

    I've seen alot of progress in him over the last few weeks and I've seen relapses and set backs. Every time he has a set back, I have been the target of his anger, his stress and Anxiety. Let me be clear in communicating that things HAVE gotten better, but it still is a draining, frustrating, and sometimes anxiety-ridden experience to go through as a carer.

    I've had to immediately check my own emotions and my ability to handle them. I've had to come to the conclusion that loving someone is not necessarily a good enough reason to stay with them if they continue to be aggressive, paranoid, interrogative and difficult. I've learned that drawing the line on a relationship is a very hard thing to do when someone has an illness like PTSD, and you also love them and know that there is a good person in there. I've learned that my compassion DOES in fact need to have a limit and a boundary. I've learned that patience is a virtue only when I'm NOT being hurt in the process.

    I've learned that what I thought was standing up for myself wasn't enough. I've had to totally re-examine myself and be ready to walk away from the whole thing in order to save myself and my physical, mental and emotional well being. I found that when I really got to that realization, I was able to be alot more honest and that it freed me.

    I take my relationship with my BF one day at a time. I tell him when I don't like the way he is behaving. I take me space and my leave of him to save myself some energy. I reach out to my friends and talk to them about what I'm going through. I try to be very gentle with myself. I can not tell you or anyone in the world whether I will stay or leave, but in this entire process I've learned that even if someone is ill, I don't deserve to be treated unfairly, or roughly. It's my choice to stay or leave, and ultimately, it's my choice about the treatment I tolerate from others.

    I look at the progress he has made and have hope, but I know that if we ever went backwards significantly to the days when we had these big dramatic fights, I would need to leave. If I stay and put up with unacceptable behavior then I'm only enabling him anyway and that doesn't help someone who is sick to get better.

    Don't know what the right answer is for you or anyone other than me, but I wanted to share what I've been through as a result of someone who has gone for intensive treatment for PTSD. I would hope for the best, but be realistic in not expecting a miracle cure. I think the treatment has been two steps forward, one step back, and I expect it will continue on this way. I still have hope, but I am much more aware of the need for boundaries and limitations.

    I wish you gentleness and love and kindness,

  7. Vickym

    Vickym Active Member

    Thank you all for your comments.

    He is going to an inpatient center. The first step is 5 days up to 14. Then the next step in one month.

    He has been in treatment, counceling, ect at the VA.

    Its as if he never listens to what he is told. They tell him to stay away from the negative bad people in his life. When he does things are great. Then he gets sucked right back in because they are family.

    We used to go to counceling together then he stopped that. The lady at the VA told me to hang in there it will get better.

    Unless he himself accepts who he is now it will never get better. Unfortunatley for him its family members causing his greatest stress. They are no support just a bunch of drama and stress.

    In the end the only one that can decide enough is enough is me. I can't help him unless he is willing to help himself.
  8. amethist

    amethist The Mystic Duck

    Hi Vickym

    The last line you wrote

    " I can't help him unless he is willing to help himself."

    Is what he maybe needs to hear from you, it might be hard for you to say but it could be the one that works.

    Have you thought about support just for you, it may help you cope and decide what's best while he is working out who or what is right for him.

    PTSD sucks for both sides, but if we carers don't look after ourselves, we cannot help them when they need or ask for it.

    I hope things work out for you.

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