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Undiagnosed Ptsd?

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Hi Everyone. Im not sure if I'm in the right place here. I guess I just want to find out if I need to seek help. Here's a little of my back story, and I feel a little reluctant to post on here as I know a lot of you have been through some incredibly traumatic events. I don't feel my personal story is particularly traumatic, but wanted to get an idea of whether or not I could be suffering from ptsd. I have a huge amount of respect for all of you going through this.
Even just trying to word this is difficult. I grew up in a violent household. My father and mother split up when I was around 10 and my mother's new partner used to get drunk and violent with my mother. I remeber sitting in my bedroom with my back against the door worrying that he would kill her and come for me next. Each time it happened there was this horrible guilt that I should be doing something more, and go down and try to stop it from happening somehow. I remeber worrying that by doing that it would exasperate the situation. I felt and still feel a huge amount of guilt for doing nothing but cowering in my room. It was a fairly regular event. He never laid a hand on me or my sisters and brother, although both my sisters said they had some uncomfortable moments with him. I wasn't aware of this until much later though.
Throughout my life I've felt nervous and intimidated in the most natural of circumstances. I struggle to make eye contact or conversation, and get very nervous when stuck in conversation with someone I don't know well, or in general everyday social situations. I even struggle with people I know well too. I also have real fear of something horrible happening to my own child which is getting worse. I worry about accidents or kidnappings, and although I'm aware that generally these thoughts are extreme over reactions, I can't stop them coming to mind. I sleep with my sons baby monitor next to me and struggle to sleep in case there is an intruder. My rational mind knows that no one is likely to break into our house to kidnap him, but on a night time I still can't get to sleep. A lot of this seems unrelated to my childhood though, which is why I don't know if ptsd is the answer. I genuinely know that these feelings and behaviors are all totally unnecessary and sound a bit crazy. I guess that's why I came here. I'm not comfortable discussing this stuff with a doctor but wanted to know your thoughts. I honestly don't even feel comfortable discussing this stuff with my partner. I have big respect and love for this community. Any feedback would be appreciated. I just want to know if this is normal and I'm trying to attach more to my experiences than is justifiable or if I really am possibly dealing with ptsd. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
 
Hi, and welcome!

It sounds like you’ve had some truly terrifying experiences growing up!

Nobody here can diagnose you, so it would be best to seek out the help of a professional, preferably someone who has experience treating trauma. Even if it’s not PTSD, it sounds like you’re still dealing with the effects of living through these terrifying experiences.

I don’t think it’s a matter of attaching more to you’re experiences than they deserve.

PTSD is just one of many disorders that can arise from traumatic experiences, so this is why it’s important to see a professional who can try and figure out your experience.

:hug:
 
The domestic violence in your childhood makes it possible.

That said? It could also be a lot of other things. A new baby is a huge stressor (physically, mentally, emotionally), and could very easily have triggered any number of disorders, PTSD just one of many, or it could be a purely physical thing (post partum depression, hormones, etc.).

So I would very strongly suggest you speak with your OB about your anxiety & insomnia, as they’ll be able to run all of the pregnancy related medical tests & refer you to a psychologist for psych diagnosis & treatment, if it’s not purely physical.

Welcome :)
 
We can't really say but it certainly is possible. Growing up with domestic violence is terrifying and can certainly cause PTSD.
Welcome and I hope you find some satisfactory answers. Only a clinician that has the training and knowledge would be able to tell you for sure. Could you perhaps look around for a "trauma-informed" doctor? The earlier you get diagnosed and fitted with the right treatment the better, but, at the same time, you need to honour what you can cope with and trust your guts. If you really want answers, they will come.
 
Thanks. Should probably point out my son is 5 but I've experienced what I mention through the full 5 years, and I'm male so the pregnancy thing probably doesn't apply, but appreciate the feedback. I guess I just wanted to know if these feelings are normal or whether more help was needed. I guess I wouldn't be asking unless I already suspected the latter. I just didn't want to cry wolf, and I'm not sure who to reach out to. Facing this head on is a daunting prospect.
 
Welcome to the forum.

I'm sure you won't find the exact answer you're looking for, as none of us are trauma trained professionals. That being said, you don't need to be diagnosed with PTSD to be suffering the effects of childhood trauma.

What you've described is horrible and ought not to be experienced by any child (or adult). It makes perfect sense to me that you would be experiencing these symptoms.

I too, would encourage you to seek help from a trauma therapist or doctor and be evaluated. We all stand behind you as survivors. Proper treatment is available and with encouragement and work, can greatly help you onto the road of healing.

I would like to point out one thing that you initially said...
I don't feel my personal story is particularly traumatic

Please do not try and make comparisons or decisions of what equals the higher trauma. All trauma is trauma. It's not necessarily what the circumstances are, it's how they have effected you.
 
Thanks for all the advice, and I truely appreciate your comments regarding not making comparisons. Its hard not to when I think of all the other things people go through, but your point makes sense. I will look into seeking some professional help and see where that leads. I guess one thing I'm happy about is that my little boy won't ever have to go through anything like that. Big thanks to you all.
 
Hi Everyone. Im not sure if I'm in the right place here. I guess I just want to find out if I nee...
It sounds like you HAVE been through a good bit of trauma-- yes- some may have experienced more- but you certainly had to endure an awful lot of trauma from what you describe. Living with fear and anxiety is no fun. I am no doctor for sure-- but PTSD is certainly a possible fit - I would think. You definitely had trauma- and it definitely affected your maturing and development. No child / human being should have to live with it-- but it is FAR TOO COMMON. I wish you success in ldealing with all you have to deal with- and I wish you PEACE!
 
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