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Push Him Away When I Sleep...

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I dont get nightmares anymore, but over the last few years my boyfriend has told me that when I fall asleep I immediately roll away from him and if he tries to touch me when im asleep sexually or non sexually I push him away, kick him or talk in my sleep and tell him to stop.

We're very affectionate during the day usually cuddling or holding hands however if im experiencing a trigger or thinking about my past I push him away.

I was never abused I was sick as a child and spent many years in the hospital which is where I think this comes from as I was often abruptly woken up in the middle of the night by nurses for blood work or other tests. I think my mind just goes into protective alert mode.

It's been five years since I was even hospitalized and almost twenty since my transplant but my mind is just as alert as ever at night. I know it hurts him, a few months ago I kicked him so hard while I was sleeping he rolled out of bed. He's told me it upsets him but he deals with it. Does anyone have a similar issue?
 
I do push my husband away and normally dont let him even hold me at night. He tries but if I am asleep the outcome is usually not good for him. I have kicked him in his privets while I was sleeping. I dont know that I do it, I dont know how to stop it, it is just something we deal with. If we fall asleep cuddling its fine but if not then its not good.
 
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