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Question for supporters of cptsd

Discussion in 'Supporter (Anonymous)' started by Avemu, Sep 6, 2017.

  1. Eci

    Eci Anonymous

    Do you feel like your sufferer values you for who you are? Or just uses the parts of you they can use?
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  3. Nulul

    Nulul Anonymous

    For my longest standing abuser, yes and no. Sometimes I feel like she genuinely loves me but she just would rather be greedy and only use me for her own gain. But if she didn't do that maybe she would value me.
  4. Efid

    Efid Anonymous

    I've dated quite a few people with PTSD. That's more of a personality thing, than a disorder thing. Some valued me, some didn't, some used me, some didn't.
  5. Eci

    Eci Anonymous

    I don't necessarily mean that I feel used, but it's like he has an image of me that is not really me.
  6. Nugot

    Nugot Anonymous

    PTSD can be a selfish disorder. It's hard to think about other people when you're trying to survive.
    tlc and leehalf like this.
  7. Asuru

    Asuru Anonymous

    I think my supporter valued me, but was also threatened by me. But, that was not necessarily a PTSD thing. I am a strong woman (which he has problems with, from a trigger/stressor standpoint), but enough not like his abusers that he valued my strength. Until it butted up against his own strength or opinions, then it became threatening...of course, that's kind of the human condition, too.

    I think PTSD certainly heightened his personality traits that made him dominant and needing to be in control - and when in a relationship with someone who is not submissive, it could feel like he was using me, or that maybe he wanted to be able to use me, and had issues with seeing me as a true partner. If that makes sense.
    jellyfish and Muted like this.
  8. Eci

    Eci Anonymous

    I think my sufferer prefers to see me as a practical, stable, fun person, because that is what he desperately needs me to be. But the fact is that in there is real me, emotional, fragile, analytical, good days and bad days. He does not want to deal with that part of me. Sometimes I think he'd prefer it if I was a robot. That he can switch on and off. With a heart made of steel.
    B.J., A concerned spouse and Muted like this.
  9. Libopu

    Libopu Anonymous

    I hear you! My sufferer wants some kind of combination of Society Heiress, Pollyanna and Stepford Wife. There is no room for ME to ever be tired, sick, grumpy, sad, lazy, hungry etc. Unfortunately, the longer my needs and wants are suppressed, dismissed and trivialised the angrier and more bitter and less like he wants me to be I become.
    jellyfish and leehalf like this.
  10. anonymous

    anonymous Anonymous Premium Member

    Most of that is exactly how I often feel about my 'supporter' husband.
    leehalf likes this.
  11. Eci

    Eci Anonymous

    Exactly. He reduces me to a puppet. Then expects me to be all fun and games. I am always called negative, when I simply try to connect with him. If I ask him what he feels or dreams about or even just asking him where he would like to go on holiday sometime, anything personal, I am blamed for beeing negative. He wants me to stay out of his head, his heart and his sexlife, sometimes for months at a time. And he will never try to get into mine either.
    He will sometimes listen to my feelings, but never has anything to say back that could help me. I am only "alowed" to cry about things that he agrees on. Like feeling grief about someone that died. But not about "petty" stuff. He will just ignore me if I cry about feelings. His trauma has hardened him to the point that he often sees everyone else as a crybaby.

    The only thing he ever asks me is: "Everything ok?", if I am honest and explain why I am not ok, he gets cranky and quickly starts defending himself, instead of hearing me out.
  12. Eci

    Eci Anonymous

    Today when I told him I feel sad about us not connecting he told me: " So when are you finally going to stop feeling sad?"... :O_o:
  13. Galut

    Galut Anonymous

    My sufferer needs me to be strong most of the time and he can't stand to see me vulnerable. When I have weak moments, he tends to back off some. I try to be as strong and supportive as I can even when I'm having bad days.
    leehalf likes this.
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