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Question To Those Who Have Moved Away From Where Trauma Occurred

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Thinkingman85

MyPTSD Pro
I have the opportunity to leave my home city and move to a big city. I've been told that moving won't solve anything and I would just be running away from my problems but I have been dealing with this for six years. I've taken 12 weeks of therapy and taken medication. Still, the desire to get revenge on those who have hurt me still exists. I don't think this issue can be resolved and I should just move away and start new. I'm wondering what other people have to say about moving away from the city where they went through trauma. Do you feel better after having done it? Do you still have to deal with past demons?
 
I moved 800 miles away from my trauma-inducing family. It helped a great deal, more in terms of giving me a sense of independence and safety but.... certainly did not unravel all my issues. It gave me a little more security to deal with them though, and less worries about certain triggers. I still deal with past demons, but, it's somewhat reassuring to know they're a little more distant from me, in time and miles.

I think to say "moving won't solve anything" is an oversimplification. I wouldn't expect PTSD to be cured, certainly! But... a change of scenery can help reset the pathways, in my experience. I find when I want to change my state of mind, redoing my home for example, is very helpful. I recently "changed the scenery" in my office by painting it a warm color, adding artwork of powerful women, and meaningful symbols, and while that hasn't magically caused my symptoms to disappear, it helps me feel more safe and grounded. Hope that helps. Best of luck, either way!

P.S. I don't know your situation, but I'd suggest, in general, that few people achieve much in the way of results on big issues like PTSD in 12 weeks and are ready to stop.
 
In my experience moving does nothing. I am an army wife and have a husband who had some issues staying faithful the first time we moved to a new duty station because I hated being there and constantly having reminders. Even with help from a therapist.

Fast forward we moved and I still had all those demons they were easy to hide at first being caught up in settling in and trying to forget but reality is you never forget. Other things have occurred in this new state and I think we should have stayed put and maybe tried more to be happy there.

I am going to go out on a limb and think maybe others have had success depending on exactly what you are moving away from and if the pain will follow or not.

I have tried medication but never felt like it helped it made things worse for me with weight gain and constantly having someone remind me I was on crazy people pills because I refused to move on. The more I write on ere the more I realize I may lie with my demon and this why I can't be happy or move on. Sorry that was a little off topic but I am learning so much about myself while putting myself out there.

Court
 
I moved many states away becasue I got married. I saw moving away from the city where it all happened as a bonus.

Sometimes I go back to that city. My symptoms get worse, there are many reminders of places I had been, the places I was raped at etc. I like where I live now, it is free from unsafe places. Free from 'oh no, not here...' I am even free of the people I would rather not see and I probably would have stayed in contact with them otherwise.

I don't see it as running if it makes your healing a bit easier. And people move for all sorts of reasons usually not just one.

Best of luck.
 
I moved away from those who traumatized me. I will say that it didn't help me to move forward. I basically just re-enacted the same things and made things worse for myself in the end. Someone said something to me that has stuck with me: No matter where you go, you're still you.

I think there can be benefits from moving away. As stated above it gives you a sense if independence and gives you room. However, you still have to do the same work to process your trauma and move past it. Moving won't fix PTSD. Doing the work whether in therapy or through self-help will help with the PTSD, regardless of where you live.
 
Thanks for the reponses. Leah123, what happened to me was that I lost both of my parents (mother @ 15, father @ 17) and my remaining family became selfish and deceptive. I left my family and live on my own. However, it always feels like I've given up because I've gone through too much. It feels like there's no use having a good life because mine was let down. It's always painful trying to be involved. Stress continues to degrade my motivation and memory and I'm only 27. I had a 4.0 in college now just getting through the day can be a challenge. Moving to a bigger city might help give me motivation and meaning. I live in West Virginia. It is economically depressed, uneducated, and unhealthy. I grew up here, but I feel like I don't belong here. I don't want to have a ruined life because of my past tragedies.

Court, thanks for sharing your story. I hope you are able to overcome your demon. I think it's about having the right people in your life and an awareness of your trauma so it doesn't seem threatening.
 
I lived away from this place for several years and it helped me a great deal. Meaning, I didn't have anything external to trigger me. I felt free and in my own place, away from this horrible place where I experienced so much pain. The internal symptoms are still there, and those will always need work (anxiety, trust issues, etc etc). But moving away helped so much. Unfortunately, I'm stuck back here again and don't know when I'll be able to escape.
 
Yes, absolutely. In my case I moved away a terrified child and turned into an adult able to protect myself both legally and physically. It was the end of an era. From the tiny bit I understand about your case, I still think it is a great idea. Even if you aren't getting away from physical threats, you have the opportunity to learn and grow. You can always move back if you don't like it.

May I ask, do you have friends in your new city or know your way around? If not, please make sure to do some research ahead of time, line up a place to stay, and have enough savings while you look for a job. Maybe someone here has familiarity with your new city and can give concrete advice.
 
I went there before. Out of desperation, I just got in my car and drove to Minneapolis. I slept in my car and then got two jobs. I decided to come back to my home city because there were a lot of things to handle. However, I'm older and more prepared. I don't know anyone there but know my way around fairly well after living there for a month. I honestly just want to find a way to find peace of mind after realizing how badly I was treated in the past. When it was going on, I wasn't really aware of it that much. But years later, residual memories creep in and are damaging. My own family did it. It's so mind-boggling because I lived a normal life. If I tried to reestablish a relationship with my brother, he would still act like he knows everything. Within a day, I would be highly tempted to take a baseball bat to his face. The sad thing is that he doesn't care that he acts like that. I have even told him, but he lacks regard like he is retarded in listening.
 
I'm a mover. I like a change of scenery. Ok, I haven't moved in seven years and that's kind of weird now.

I think that moving gives you a wonderful chance to find out which of your problems are things you are influencing through your behavior patterns and choices (Do you always find boy/girl friends who are similar kinds of jerks?) and which things are situational. Some problems are totally cool to run away from. If you are interacting with a recidivist rapist sometimes moving away from them is the way to get safe because I don't have a lot of faith in police protection. I understand that I am just leaving them to rape someone else but sometimes that's all I've got.

If you are moving with a person who causes you problems... of course it won't matter. It will get worse because you won't have the support network in place.

If you have a good education and you are in an economically depressed place where you can't get a job then moving may very well solve a lot of your problems. If you can get away from feeling trapped, helpless, and useless then by all means move. Do whatever you can to feel empowered.

You can stand in one place and feel empowered or you can move and feel empowered. It depends on whether you are moving on or running away. They are very different concepts.

Err, tl;dr: it depends! :)
 
For me moving was essential. I still deal with my past, but many of my flashbacks were place-triggered. I could hardly go outdoors without a major risk of being triggered. Moving didn't solve the problems, but it gave me the chance to start solving them. It also boosted my sense of self-worth since I no longer live with someone who brings it down.

I wasn't used to having my own place, and I'm still not. I moved in on May 2, and during my first time here I was startled every single time someone else walked in the stairs here. I'm getting used to deciding who I let into my apartment.

As for nightmares and flashbacks, my nightmares changed after moving. Before I was back in school at night, nowadays I'm sometimes back in the village I grew up in. They've become less frequent after one dream when I became lucid and asked a car that was eating the place I grew up in what it was doing. The car said that it was removing my Finnish roots.

My flashbacks have also become less frequent and intense. I don't know if this is because I'm getting better at grounding and no longer need to figure out how to do it.

Moving gave me the chance to get into a new, healthier routine. I'm eating healthier food, going outdoors daily, my social anxiety isn't affecting me as much as before since I can explain many misunderstandings with cultural differences or language problems.
 
There are a couple issues with me moving. First, I don't know if I am capable of succeeding because of the PTSD. I'm concerned that I might lose it. There is always a feeling that I am broken. I have felt this way for six years. Because I never got revenge on the people that traumatized me, I have a monster inside. There is always an urge to give in, but I don't know what would happen if I did. However, if I don't give into it I am in pain. I don't know how I can move on without getting revenge. Also, I am a stubborn person so I will never settle for accepting that I have I have irreversible damage. The second reason I'm hesitant on leaving is because people that I grew up with still live here.

Internally, I feel like my home city is a dead end and there is something obsolete about it but they are comfortable in it. I can't feel satisfied no matter what I do so I think that I have emotional issues and moving will not help. Other times, I think my emotional issues are because I can't handle living in such a place. I can't rely on my peers' advice because they aren't dealing with the same feeling about the city like I do. I do have friends that tell me to get the hell out but if I don't have a sound mind moving away won't bring peace to it. I've lost trust in myself all because this PTSD puzzle isn't solved. I don't want to end up hurting myself or others by attempting to start a new life while something is still wrong.
 
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