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General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

Here I am again because he woke me up again.
@Freida: I love how you rant about yourself. We sleep in one bed. He used to sleep on the floor, but I did not make him was his choice cause he got more sleep on the floor cause he used to hate our bed... and I am very happy he is back to our bed and will not send him away.
 
@neverfalter -- yea.. tonight is a couch night for me because the nightmares are bad and poor hubby has to get up at the ass crack of dawn. figured it was the least I could do! Glad yours finally made it back!
 
I am happy to have him next to me... and I think it is also „educational“ because I do not always wake when he does but when I do wake up several times a night I am pretty tired the next day and that helps me understand how tired he must feel because for him it is normal and helps me understand why sometimes say he is just to tired to have dinner with us in the evening.
 
My rant? I'm flipping tired of watching him be a hypocrite with his son. It was okay for my daughter and I to babysit yesterday, but he's taking him to his second shift tonight. I'm sure that there is resentment building with his co-workers. I did ask him to bring it up with his therapist on Thursday, though. He said he would... so that's the end of the subject for now.

If his ex were doing this, he'd have her butt in court so fast her head would spin. He literally just got done ranting and raving about him being out until 11 with his mom on thanksgiving, and it wasn't even a school night. He couldn't tell me one "pro" of why it's a good idea. It boils down to even though other than him moving back in, things are way better between us. And we both decided moving in is premature right now. But for pete's sake, he's not going to spontaneously combust if either of them stay over.

I'm tired of everything being dictated by him right now. I'm tired of feeling like an outsider in my own life.
 
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I need this thread tonight. I am upset because I am aware I lost a part of me. I can’t quite grab the right word....maybe my idealist nature, maybe the ability to give 110% again, maybe the ability to forgive, maybe I’m just tired of waiting for the shoe to drop again. All I know is that I have lost something within me.

@Never_falter At times like this, I’ll take lousy advice over no advice. Thank you for this thread. I needed a place to whine tonight.
 
@Freida Thank you for caring. Yes, I do see a therapist for me. After I wrote my post above, I sat quietly and thought about what my therapist has said. I didn’t see her PTSD until after we were married. I’m sure it was there; I just didn’t see it. I’ve learned PTSD is never cured, just managed. I’ve also learned coping skills and how to manage my reactions.

I guess the word I was looking for, what my therapist talked to me about, is loss. I am mourning the loss of what was. I know that life throws curve balls and we must adapt. But all those curve balls never really shook the core of who I was until I spent all these years living with a person with PTSD. I don’t blame her, she is struggling with her illness and even now I am a bit ashamed to be whining at the same time she is struggling. I remember once reading a book about “Ambiguous Loss.” I think I need to go back and reread it.

This forum saves me. It allows me to mostly learn, to sometimes help, and at times like this, to vent a bit. Thank you Freida, just replying to me helped me. Thank you :hug:
 
@Freida Thank you for caring. Yes, I do see a therapist for me. After I wrote my...
@Snowflakes, I'm so sorry your having a rough time. It is so easy to have the emotional ups and downs. I cannot remember, but do you habe PTSD too? I think i recall you saying you did at one point in a conversation. Regardless of whether you do our not, you are bound to have your own ups and downs, and that's okay.

There have been so many times I feel much like you describe. I'm struggling the last couple of days too.

There are so many things, or rather times it's sort of easy to roll with the punches. Then there are other times they hit straight in the face and gut. It's overwhelming sometimes. I'm glad you come on here, though!

You are such a considerate person, and your level of empathy is surely why you end up with the highs and lows. It's so bittersweet, isn't it? But it's(mostly) a gift.

Hugs for you, if your ready for them. I wish there was something i could say to make you feel better, in reciprocation for all of the times you did that for me. But know that I get it... and I'm here in your corner.
 
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