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'Raped Enough'... Might be Triggering

Discussion in 'General' started by secretstars, Aug 7, 2006.

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  1. secretstars

    secretstars New Member

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    i'm just venting/ranting. sorry. :\

    you know, i'm tired of not being 'raped enough' for certain people. how could someone have the *audacity* to tell me that what happened to be was 'still horrible' but 'not really rape.' what?! who the **** even CARES what i call it?! what will happen to you if i call my experience, which has practically paralyzed my life, rape?!

    but i wasn't a good enough victim for them, you see. i '****ed up' too much for it to be a 'real rape.' yeah, okay. sorry i accidentally took amphetamines. sorry i called my friend while i was high and asked him if he thought my ex would still have sex with me. sorry that he took this as me actually wanting to have sex with him and arranging it.

    I AM SO SORRY that my ex is a violent, intimidating person and has threatened to kill me many times before. Very sorry that I thought it would be a better idea to go over there and have sex with him than risk breaking an appointment, as i was in his territory and he could definitely have hurt me.

    i went over there, very reluctantly, to have sex with him. NOT to be hit, gagged, called horrible names, and threatened. i didn't go over there to be hurt! i didn't sign up for bruises, for unprotected sex (the lack of birth control was completely against my will, too) and having to worry about being pregnant, or for the invasion of my boundaries.

    so i'm going to apologize for my ex having spent two years breaking down my self-esteem and basically convincing me that i was nothing without him and i deserved to be treated no better. that's why i didn't beat him off of me with a club for start screaming 'no' at him. i laid there and whimpered and told him 'please don't hurt me' after he started calling me a slut. and then i froze. very sorry, i was too ****ing busy praying to god that he'd only hit me in places i could cover with clothes to be a proper ****ing victim for you.

    assholes.

    so after having lived through the nightmare of my exboyfriend's existance for two years where nothing i said or thought mattered, the LEAST you can do is call it rape because i've researched the damn topic and know what i'm talking about, but most of all BECAUSE I ASKED YOU TO. this is MY trauma and i get to call it what i ****ing want. i'm not here to coddle your 'just world' feelings or to make you feel better about society. funny enough, it's usually men who object to me calling it rape. god. talk about ****ing self-absorbed privilege.

    :cussing: :angry-fla :cussing: :angry-fla
     
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  3. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Secret,

    That is nothing short of terrible, and well... it is much worse than that, just can't think of the right term to call it. I am a male, and not all males would ever consider doing such acts or violence upon a female. Honestly, the prick needs to be gagged, beaten and raped himself, just so he knows what it feels like, and maybe even work out that what he has done is illegal against you.

    I see rape cases on TV, and really just wonder what countries law enforcement agencies are really doing, to consider what is, and is not rape, considering if a person says no, and the offender proceeds regardless, it is rape. No means No, not Yes!

    The law is now getting to finicky for my liking, where legal teams do nothing more than exploit holes in laws to just let some offender go and re-offend, then they wonder what happened when it happens to them. I think solicitors need to be abused a bit, maybe then they might backoff finding holes and exploits to get these pricks off, or worse, not have enough to charge them in the first place.

    Your venting is great... keep it up please.
     
  4. erin

    erin New Member

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    Hi,

    thanks for your kind response to my post. I read yours too, and I feel the same way you do. You need to meet certain criteria before anyone will take you seriously - you need to be in a wheelchair, or be an amputee, or be hooked up to machines and dialysis and stuff before anyone will consider you to be suffering. If someone makes you feel humiliated, powerless and worthless, whatever the technical ****ing name for it, it's WRONG!!! It's a CRIME!!! The justice system is too busy judging people for putting "For Sale" signs on their cars in crowded areas to be able to bother getting criminals to pay for their crimes. Traffic offenders are seriously treated worse than "alleged" sex offenders. Soccer hooligans are treated worse than husbands that beat up their wives and kids. It's a disgrace. You have every right to be angry, you have every right to feel anything you want to feel and name it anything you want to name it - it's your right, because you are the one living with it every day. Three cheers for you! The bastards couldn't keep you down.

    Erin
     
    Wimble and secretstars like this.
  5. secretstars

    secretstars New Member

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    In the US, rape is practically a joke. No-one hardly ever gets raped 'well enough' to actually get some goddamn justice. And they put away our rapists for, what, 9 years? But they're eligible for parole in 4 anyway. What he did wasn't illegal enough, too 'gray area' for the legal system. Although I still wish I reported it, for good measure. Maybe when he rapes another girl, it would have helped. And he's already raped two other girls to my knowledge, which is limited.

    The victim blaming problem is so ridiculous that I think if society had it their way, all women would be holed up in their houses. You see, I did something wrong by being on amphetamines, and by 'not being clear enough' that I didn't like what was happening. Yeah, uh, that'd be great an all if only my ex didn't say afterwards, 'you seemed really freaked out. why?' UMMM? YOU NOTICED AND DIDN'T STOP TO SAY 'oh, uh, you look absolutely mortified. what's going on?' Oh yeah, totally innocent and well-intentioned!!! And by the way, society, I wasn't raped by a hit of amphetamines. A seventeen year old man raped me. How come he can drink half a litre of vodka and smoke an ounce of weed and not get raped, but if I take some speed I 'brought my own rape upon myself'?! WHAAAAAAAT.

    You know, I have an idea! How about we BLAME THE RAPIST FOR GOD'S SAKE?

    'But nooooo, Lorelei! That would like, dismantle the rape and fear culture!!!'

    Jesus.

    Anyway, thanks for reading, anthony. :)

    -- Lorelei
     
  6. secretstars

    secretstars New Member

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    HONESTLY!!!!! Seriously, I think some people would have felt better if he put a freaking bullet through my head if only to be ABSOLUTELY SURE that he hurt me. God!

    Oh and my mother thinks that because I didn't OMG GO TO THE HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY FOR A RAPE KIT and REPORTED IT TO THE POLICE WHILE SOBBING that I *obviously* wasn't raped. Ok mom. Awesome.

    My only out of the ordinary immediate reaction to being raped was that I smoked a pack of cigarettes the next day (I had been a light smoker before this). But, you know. I should have been crying my eyes out and refusing to talk to anyone for a year.

    I was abused enough for myself. And I declare that everyone who has been abused/raped/etc on this forum was abused/raped/traumatized enough for me, if anyone!!! ;)

    -- Lorelei
     
  7. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    That really is the issue though isn't it? In that you need to be shot or killed for the law to take some sort of action, or give half a shit to find the offender and charge them. Australia has been slowly taking after the US legal system now for some years, and whilst nowhere near as bad as the US legal system at present, it certainly has its flaws and loopholes which need to be closed tight.

    Lets face it, whilst rape in itself is hard to prove, if the person (I say person because it happens to females and males) is emotionally disturbed, displays mental concerns with being touched or examined, and so forth, they should pull their head in and make an arrest. It then should be left for them to prove that they aren't guilty, not the other way around as currently portrayed.

    I'm with Erin... you have every right to be angry and call it what you want, because any male that performs such an act to me, is a worthless piece of shit that needs the crap beaten out of them, raped themselves (men being the main offender, arse raped) and then put out to dry and live with what has no occurred to them. Let them live with PTSD instead of sending them to prison if that is the way the law wants to move. Atleast PTSD then becomes a life punishment for them... not just a few months or years and let out on good behaviour. Fu*kem I say...
     
  8. bella

    bella New Member

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    I Agree!

    Rape is rape and I don't care how they may try to excuse it away. Doesn't matter if it was at gun point or any other way.
     
  9. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

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    Amen! Sister!
     
  10. metaphase twig

    metaphase twig New Member

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    I can relate

    Hi,
    I, well, long story short....I married an aussie guy, things got really bad really fast, he began physically/sexually assaulting me on a pretty much daily basis and held me a virtual prisoner in our home until I escaped--about two months after he began assaulting me.
    I know exactly how you fee. I was sooo mad because when I reported all his crimes from here in the US, the police were like "that's nice, what else do you have???" Like I'm supposed to have home movies of him beating and raping me?! And I had the support of my ex's first-ex-wife and her family down in Australia backing me up--he'd done things to her too, not as bad as he did to me, because I was alone and isolated in a foreign country, and she had her family around for support. So even with these reputible people corroborating my experiences, I got nowhere. Nobody cared. People saw me wearing scarves all the time to cover the handprints on my neck--but that's not enough evidence. Or any of the neck braces, knee braces and other medical crap I had to go out and buy because he wouldn't take me to the hospital after an episode of violence...no, he'd just drag me down to the pharmacy and make me go buy my own stuff. But having me bruised and beaten on store surveilence cameras isn't enough evidence.
    I wrote letters, had documents, I did everything humanly possible to hold him accountable, and all I heard from the police down there was "that's great--anything else?" WTF????!!!!
    The straw that broke the camels back was when they were going to get testimony here and then do the trial down there...I was supposed to go down to testify at trial. So, being that I'm afraid of this lunatic and smart enough to know he's really pissed about me testifying against him, I begin asking them what kind of security they have--am I going to be safe in a hotel? Is someone going to be there in court in case he gets nuts? And because I dared ask these know-it-all's any questions, they got completely attitudinal on me and decided they weren't coming to take my testimony, i'd have to give my deposition down there and stay until a trial can be arranged. Like I can just chuck 3 months of my life down the toilet to screw around down there while they decide what they're going to do with this lunatic--and meanwhile the lunatic will know where I am, and god knows what kinda protection they'd give me since they were already ass-y about everything so far...so I said screw it and gave up. And it pisses me off that I got no police support down there, no domestic violence assistance, nothing. Plus there was this whole attitude of because we were married, it wasn't a big deal that he beat me and raped me, after all, he is the man of the house. GRRRRRRR!!!!!!
    So, I know how you're feeling...it's like the rape never stops....it just goes on and on and on.
    Get yourself a female counselor, they understand things better...and Xanax helps witht the ptsd and all the other crap.
    Hugs, m.t.
     
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