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Reading people

  • Thread starter Deleted member 37474
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Deleted member 37474

I used to think that I was good at reading people. I could tell if someone was cheating or how they were feeling in a situation. I was usually right. But this year, my best friend and my therapist said that I put too much trust in people that have wronged me. I give too many passes. I don't know how to protect me and be true to me at the same time, I want to believe that bad people can turn good and that there is potential for good in everyone. How can I protect myself from typical me responses to stuff? How do I know when it is safe to trust someone?
 
Yes and no. Sometimes, I dismiss them, but a lot of times if someone wrongs me in the past and then acts nice, I am hurt and surprised when they wrong me again.
 
I use a more mechanical method to get people out of my life. I quietly observe, and then if a person has raised too many red flags I just disappear. No reason to tell them about it. What does that person matter anymore once I'm no longer interacting with them? If you keep talking to them, you give them the opportunity to trick you into not listening to your gut feelings.
 
Grounding yourself in the rational idea that not everyone is really ever "safe" at all times is a starter. People aren't reliably safe due to many factors... main one being we can't "know" what is going on with them personally on a day to day basis unless they say so.
 
I think our mind and our gut get confused sometimes and we don't know which to listen to. Working through my traumas has helped me a lot with that. Just because someone seems like they should be safe doesn't mean they are.

The people that I trust and feel most safe with are people that treat me respectfully and listen to me and hear what I'm saying.

I think when you've been through trauma, you're vulnerable to additional trauma. Any time that someone threatens or pressures you, it's a huge red flag that they're not safe.

I like to try and give people the benefit of the doubt also and take the high road as much as I can. But, I may be extremely patient, but I will also will draw the line when I've been pushed way too far. Then, I won't look back. There comes a point that I don't give anymore chances and I don't back down or budge.
 
I think too what do you mean by trust? The trust I have in work colleagues is very different to the tru...
Trust is knowing that if they know something that is happening that involves me, they would give me a heads up. That is what I do for my colleagues. In my job we are competitive, but we usually maintain our own studios and collectively support each other. But when parents or band directors get involved, I would want to trust that my colleagues have my back, and wouldn't stomp on me negatively to elevate themselves.
 
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