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Ready For Help - Husband Involved in Terrorist Attack

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by blue50, Sep 15, 2007.

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  1. blue50

    blue50 New Member

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    Aloha everyone, I'm new here. I'm hoping to get some kind of advice or comfort for my situation.

    My husband is military and was involved in a terrorist attack almost 7 years ago. at that point we had been married for less then a year. he was diagnosed with PTSD but isn't on any medication or in any therapy....he of course thinks hes fine, but hes not fine. over the past 7 years Ive dealt with his rages and his flash backs, I've picked him off bathroom floors, held him while hes shook uncontrollably, wiped his tears and reassured him that I'm always here for him. he left for schooling a month ago and writes me saying that he doesn't want to be with me anymore....of course this was a stab in the heart. he says that its nothing I've done wrong its just something he has to do. he says he feels detached and feels that he doesn't belong. hes lonely cause he has no friends (not because hes a bad guy, but because any friends he did have, hes pushed away)
    I love this man very much, we have 4 children together and many great memories. I'm not ready to walk away from this marriage....I'm mad as hell that i wasn't given an option. Its like a kick in the teeth because i've spent 99% of our marriage making sure hes ok. I just feel so out of control right now....i don't know what my next step should be.......help
     
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  3. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    Welcome to the forum Blue, it is always lovely to have new members. Aloha? Are you from Hawaii by any chance? If you are I am quite envious, as the weather here in Newfoundland has just become cold once more! :wink:

    I believe you will find many here who relate to your story, and will understand your anger and frustration. My personal story is a little different. Although I am a military wife, my husband does not have PTSD. Rather one of my sons, who was also in the military, had it (he is sadly no longer living), and my stepdaughter Evie has it as well.

    I am not certain there is a definite next step to take Blue; each situation is unique. Unfortunately you cannot force your husband into treatment of any kind, though obviously that is what he sorely needs. My Evie ran away from us for 5 years, refused contact with us for that entire time, though we were constantly searching for her. We have her back now, and she is in treatment, but we had several years of worry where we basically had to let go of her and hope for the best. I would like to say we handled it well, though the truth is we certainly did not.

    As difficult as it is, try to give your husband the space he requires. After being apart from you for a time, he may change his mind and come back to you, however if you push too hard now, you may lose him permanently. I am sorry I don't have anything more concrete to say; perhaps others will have something specific to suggest. The bottom line: it really is up to him to receive help. At the very least he should be seeing a counselor or attending a support group. You may suggest this to him, however he likely will not do it until ready. Try to keep the lines of communication open with him if he is willing.

    This forum is very supportive and an excellent place to learn about PTSD. Read as much as you can here, post and ask questions, and speak with others. It will help. Also try to concentrate on your own happiness, and that of your children. If you are like most of us, you spend a lot of time concentrating on the feelings and needs of the PTSD sufferer, and neglect your own needs. So be very kind to yourself. Do something nice for yourself today! Once again welcome.
     
  4. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP

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    Blue50

    Welcome to a great forum! We are glad to have you here. This is a wonderful place to learn from other carers and people with PTSD.

    I have PTSD, and I can tell you that your man may be pushing you away temporarily, but if he has a safe place to come back to, he will return to it. We all hope he does.

    You are hurting too. This forum is for you, too. You need support to be a good parent. There is alot of good information here. Again, we are happy to see you here!
     
  5. rob4444

    rob4444 Active Member

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    hi blue...i also tried to push my wife away...afraid to ruin her life...i soon realised i had abandoned all my previous friends,and had absolutely no one to turn to...i was back in a flash,very pleased she hadnt given up on me....i soon realised not to shun anyone who truely cares.....no two cases are the same,but heres hoping that things workout for you...its obvious to me you are genuinely in love and very caring for your man...
     
  6. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    HI and welcome to the forum......It isn't easy dealing with someone that has PTSD, as you already know...I lived with a Vietnam Vet for 7 yrs that has PTSD(untreated) and I also have PTSD. Not a good combo. We eventually drifted apart, but have remained friends since.. There are many here that are married, or involved in relationships. It is tough but they find ways to deal...

    The important thing is to take care of you and your children...I hope that you find the support and help that you need..

    Take care,

    Wendy
     
  7. ForestRanger

    ForestRanger New Member

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    Hey this is my first post just wanted to say hello. And Respond to blue50.

    Blue50
    I have PTSD Desert Storm I am in a group now, haven't always been, It took me along time two wives and a few girl friends to figure out that the problem was mine, I know you don't want to hear that, but what I'm saying is pretty much what everyone else is saying, he will have to want help before it begins. My saving grace is my son, I refuse to let this thing get between me and him and thats why I started to group. I'm sure if he's wanting time to himself he's trying to sort things out for himself, I still take off for a week or two now and then, usually go to the mountains and live in a tent in a remote place, just to be alone.
     
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