I've been really staring this pain in the face. Really questioning why I've struggled with life. Especially with people. Truthfully, I've had a lot of really difficult experiences that probably built up to the ptsd version of me today. It wasn't one extreme thing, it was a bunch of small shitty things. When I see my life in a 3rd person view, it really makes sense why I'm here.
I feel suicide ideation often. I don't have the courage to pull the trigger. It's not the answer but it taunts me. "Hey you're feeling pain, let me ease your pain."
Suicide seems so romantic doesn't it. No more pain. No more bills. No more setbacks. No more difficult relationships. No more failures.
Then I think about all the things that had to happen in order for me to be here at this moment. Which is astounding when you think about your life.
I wish I could take everyone's pain away. I wish there weren't such bad people in the world. I wish happiness was attainable, not ideal. I wish none of us felt such distress. And more people cared about more people. I wish for one day, we could all just go pain-free.
It's a scary, trying life in a scary, trying world. It's no wonder we're all a little f*cked up. I have found the beauty in the ugliness. I am finally accepting everything. Hopefully, someone understands this.
I feel suicide ideation often. I don't have the courage to pull the trigger. It's not the answer but it taunts me. "Hey you're feeling pain, let me ease your pain."
Suicide seems so romantic doesn't it. No more pain. No more bills. No more setbacks. No more difficult relationships. No more failures.
Then I think about all the things that had to happen in order for me to be here at this moment. Which is astounding when you think about your life.
I wish I could take everyone's pain away. I wish there weren't such bad people in the world. I wish happiness was attainable, not ideal. I wish none of us felt such distress. And more people cared about more people. I wish for one day, we could all just go pain-free.
It's a scary, trying life in a scary, trying world. It's no wonder we're all a little f*cked up. I have found the beauty in the ugliness. I am finally accepting everything. Hopefully, someone understands this.