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Really Not Sure - How Do I Open Up?

Discussion in 'General' started by pandora, Aug 22, 2007.

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  1. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    i have been talking to someone over the internet. We went to highschool together. he seems nice. i feel like i am interogating him with all my questions and all i want to ask but have not is
    have you ever been in jail
    ever hit a woman
    how to respond to conflict
    do you yell and hit things or people

    Those are the types of questions i am thinking and if i ask those he will think i am a freak.
    How do you openly tell someone about this? This is my first well anything with a male since i was dx'd. i don't know what to do?
    he does know I have trust issues. Does anyone have any words of wisdom?
     
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Pandora,

    You're right I do think that your questions are a tad to straight forward. The problem is with people themselves. We can ask someone a question, and if they feel like lying they will. Bottom line. I'm not saying he will, but people in general. He may be a very trusting person. It will just take time to find out.....

    Maybe in awhile, when you get to know him a little better, bring up something that you saw on the news maybe, and say to him....."My god did you hear about that guy who went to jail for blah, blah, blah???" Open up the conversation in a non threatening way to him, and just take it from there. Talk about issues in general first.

    I think if you are too straight forward you might just scare him off. Take the time to get to know him, and then ask some deeper questions.... JMO....

    Wendy
     
  4. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    Thanx Wendy.your comments are much appreciated. I did ask him about his kids, jobs, where he likes to go, family.brothers, sisters etc. i didn't ask the straight forward ones because i do know they are forward. i just don't know how to learn to trust again.
     
  5. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Trust takes time, but it also will require you to go outside of your protective barrier that you have put up too. Little steps, and little bits of trust here and there. You don't have to throw all caution to the wind. Just little steps. Let yourself feel better, and then do more.

    Wen
     
  6. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    I agree with everything thats been said!! and remember you can alwase look up his name online to find out if he has been in trouble before. But one thing I have done.. seeing how he is a father.. watch how he treats his child. How he talks to and treats his child.. how his child acts in general will give you some good clues on how he treats his family and what kind of morals he is teaching his children.
     
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  7. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    thanx Damiea...your comments are appreciated too!
     
  8. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP

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    I agree

    Yes, I agree, I would want to know the same things about a new friend, but I would need some advice on how to get that information without asking those startling questions. One also has to weigh the answers to see if they are true and honest. Meeting a friend over the net is difficult because here, we can't see the facial expressions, the non-verbal language, we can't hear the tones of voice to tell if there is sincerity there or sarcasm, etc. so we are limited to getting only a small picture of the whole person. It can take much longer this way, over the net, to learn all you really need to know about another person, to trust that person, or for them to earn your trust, over time.
     
  9. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    Excellent point. Excellent advice. Thank you!
     
  10. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    The flashbacks today are making me crazy!! I was talking to my friend and I zoned out so many times it wasn' funny!!!!!!! But she knows when i am not concentrating ,and she will say, did you just hear me????? UUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH
    How do i develop any kind of relationship with anyone. i overthink, i catastophize, i think too much and that is just hard to stop my brain from going in that negative thought process. I am better. I am realizing I am doing it now and i realize that this will improve my relationships with others when i can feel safe making a decision and sticking to it..........and not doubt everything and everyone. I want to survive this. I want to feel again. I want to be happy again and have healthy relationships. I know I deserve it..............i haven't felt that in a long time. I just don't know how to beleive it in my heart. I try.I know i am good person but why do i hate myself so much that now i can't let people in?
     
  11. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Its one thing to fight, its another to just accept and giveup. Whilst the negatives consume you at present, they will go away if you constantly challenge yourself with positives. The facts though with the flashbacks has nothing to do with this though, and more to do with you must heal your trauma before you begin trying to treat PTSD itself. You must heal your past trauma first, that is the core root of all current symptoms.
     
  12. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    Wow Anthony............I did exactly this when i wrote in my diary earlier. I am going to do this. I will get it all out. It just seems so overwhelming at times.
    This is way harder than i ever thought something could be and I really have survived a lot, like for real.
    So......in my diary.....I started in almost a sequence ( as well as i could remember) the trauma..........my rape and assault but also a lot of physical, emotional abuse from well too many too admit that I let it happen because I am worth more than that!!!!!!!!!!!and my fathers death.........and all that accompanied that and its aftermath.....I don't know what is making the PTSD..........my rape or my fathers death.it all seems to run together. i don't know how else to tackle this. if you have any time at all...i would love some advice. Thanx.
     
  13. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    OK..We have spoken through messaging and then for a while on msn. He is calling in 20 minutes. I fell a little nervous but I think i will be OK, He does seem nice but we will see. Time will tell. I'll let you know when I know more. Uh.I hope this nervousness goes away soon.
     
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