My name's Christine. I'm from Germany and I hope my English grammar/spelling isn't too horrible -.- I'm a sufferer of PTSD. I've been in therapy for depression since 2005 and my diagnosis used to be a combination of different personality disorders. It's only recently that I realised that the behaviour my father has displayed towards me even since before I was born was physical and emotional abuse. It's still hard for me to accept that because it means that my mom (who is or seems to be a great, loving, thoughtful mother in every other respect) did nothing to protect me from him. She still talks about it as if it were a collection of normal, funny family anecdotes and finds excuses for my father. But my symptoms speak for themselfs. No attachment to my parents, no trust, bad dreams, years of bedwetting, severe sleeping problems since infanthood, no friends, complete withdrawal into books, self-hatred and self-injury, depression, suicidal ideation, fear of other people, fear of being touched, etc. I'm still trying to come to terms with my 'new' history. I'm not having any contact with my parents atm and I'm really relieved about that. I moved out at age 19 and have hated going back to my home town since then. I used to wonder why ô.o I feel like I need to find new words to refer to my parents, my family and myself. And I feel like I have to do something, work on this thing, figure out, think through, evaluate my feelings... But it's not good for me. Not now. Still I can't stop picking at this wound to see if it's still there, if it still hurts, if it's still true, if the 'before' really doesn't come back. It feels like I need a new identity, or at least part of a new one. And that's why I'm here, partially. I don't know if I will acutally be active here or if I'll just lurk around and end up having my account deleted for inactivity. I'm really fidgety after having read some threads here. My head's a mess. My Husband/boyfriend of eight years is a great help. He still needs to understand some things about me and my symptoms, though. Maybe he'll read here a bit, too, but he's lazy and wants me to explain all this stuff to him. Well, that's that... Okay.