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Recognizing and Dealing With My Suicidal Thoughts!

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Thanks, I am feeling scared today, scared of myself and scared of other people, mainly myself though.
 
wierd, I lost my job on Thursday. When that almost happened in March I went all wierd, took a long road trip, thought about running away or commiting suicide and basically ended up spending the night at my pastor's house because noone trusted me to keep myself alive. I didn't end up losing my job it was all a misunderstanding. Anyway so I actually did lose my job and I didn't do any of that, I verbally beat myself up and I did have a little urge to cut but it wasn't too hard to avoid. Not once did I think of suicide though, that is pretty awesome! I didn't do anything to hurt myself, I drove fast but that was because I was pissed and I was only doing 90 mph, but in my head I was daring a police officer to pull me over because I was raging and he would have been on the receiving end of that and I would have ended up in jail, lucky that didn't happen. I really think that I have that part of my brain under control now :).
 
Living with PTSD and group therapy and recovery

I have been living with PTSD all my life but didn't know I had repressed a memory of being raped, beaten and almost buried alive when I was five as my Mother had told me not to talk about it.
I began having non epileptic seizures in 1998 and spent the next two years in many hosptial epilepsy monitoring units. I was 43 years old when the memory came back of the attack and I am still struggling to live with PTSD, my husband divorced me as he couldn't handle it.. My daughter and son have been very supportive and I thank God for them.
I just want to know about recovery, I have a great doctor, therapist and PTSD group but I cannot work as my anxiety is high and I still have seizures when things get to tense.
I am commited to recovery and hope that someday I will be able to work and live with the betrayal of my family. Thank you
 
Monarch, sometimes taking a pen and drawing cuts on yourself can help. These are only something that should be done in the direst of circumstances but, it's a start. I hope that you can eventually come to a place where you don't think of it at all but in the meantime there are options. Take care of yourself

Morgan
 
I empathize with Monarch, Cactus Jack, and Lisa. I am amazed that you all seem to be saying everrything I have felt and thought myself throughout the years. I am amazed most that people like me exist and are sharing so openly about it. It does take a lot to stop harming yourself and it seemed more frightening to me to decide to live than die. Living means I'd have to go forward and get through the garbage and continue to hope and search for light in the future. It has been worth it though. Life is tough, but it is also so worth living. Growth and peace are possible, even if it comes in spurts. Eventually the spurts last longer and life can become more enjoyable. It amazes me still to see my own acomplishments in this area (not giving in to death). Congratulations and keep choosing life even through the struggles.
 
Dear Monarch,

I really want to commend you on all your work to stay from self-harming and wanting to live. But I was most definitely impressed by your trip to Guatemala building houses. Did you go with Habitat for Humanity?

It is truely healing to our damaged self images to do something good for someone else just because we can. I agree with you when you said," I totally think God spoke through them to me and said " you make a difference in this World, you are important". Amen and Amen



triggers, my inner hurt and rage and work on it, work hard on it to get better because I want to live here. That is HUGE!

Part of this came about because I just came back from a home building trip in Guatemala. We were in this little village where these people barely make it day to day and we were building homes for people that would never have one otherwise. When they explained what it meant to them, for us to come pay for and help build their homes for their families it was amazing. I totally think God spoke through them to me and said " you make a difference in this World, you are important". I felt that if they could have the strength to live everyday and be happy and open and loving I should certainly be able to as well. Truly amazing.
 
I need some help in overcoming suicidal thoughts because I am not over them yet. I have a lot of anxiety and sometimes feel nothing at all. I want to sleep all the time but this is not realistic so I try to distract myself. I count the hours to bed time and sleep. Sorry if this is bleek but I really need some help.
Dan
 
Hi Dan,

Have you thought of making a "Crisis Plan"?
It may take more energy than you feel up to to do it all at once, but it may be useful.
Write down a "plan of action" to follow: activities to distract you, names and phone numbers of people you can call, if possible.

Try distractions each for about 10 minutes: for example (things you like- but push yourself): -go for a walk, (if that doesn't work), then 10 minutes of music, then a shower,.. etc.

Also, call someone if you can. Including a hotline.
Journal about it. Just write it out, although it may feel weird/ stupid.
Post here.
Eat. Sleep if possible. Talk to someone you trust.

Best wishes to you.
:Hug_emoticon:
 
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