I posted a few weeks ago about a very busy schedule starting to wear me thin.
i hope i can get these thoughts out. my brain is a jumbled, frightened mess.
Up front i will say i am still of course in my trauma therapy, taking my meds, planning my next art project...whatever tiny things i can allow for myself.
i was wondering when you all have times like this-when you have a somewhat extended period of not being able to self-care, or get otherwise triggered, what your recovery process is like.
bearing in mind that every person, situation, and trigger is different..?
I just feel..for lack of a better term, maybe puzzled.
What happened in the end was a week of me doing everything for everybody while slowly drowning, to doing maybe 3/4 as much for 3 more weeks, still drowning, with days of still doing everything. My head bobbing under and just above the water by this time.
This was for 4 weeks. Now my kids are home..and we are "just at home" for now, but I am alone all day with them(a 6 and a 9 year old). I don't want to keep rambling...
I feel like i am back in the huge pit. Inside the pit, are even deeper, smaller pits. Some days, or for several days, I fall into those deeper pits. After a time i claw my way out of the deeper pits, back to baseline, in the mother pit. Was it really that severe a setback? Why can't i climb back out?
I am working So hard on not blaming or bashing myself.
I have gotten to this place of utter despair, that life is passing by, time is slipping away, and this is me at my best. mIssing all of it. wondering; was it really that bad? why am i having such an impossible time recovering? what is happening? can't i make it better?
i hope i can get these thoughts out. my brain is a jumbled, frightened mess.
Up front i will say i am still of course in my trauma therapy, taking my meds, planning my next art project...whatever tiny things i can allow for myself.
i was wondering when you all have times like this-when you have a somewhat extended period of not being able to self-care, or get otherwise triggered, what your recovery process is like.
bearing in mind that every person, situation, and trigger is different..?
I just feel..for lack of a better term, maybe puzzled.
What happened in the end was a week of me doing everything for everybody while slowly drowning, to doing maybe 3/4 as much for 3 more weeks, still drowning, with days of still doing everything. My head bobbing under and just above the water by this time.
This was for 4 weeks. Now my kids are home..and we are "just at home" for now, but I am alone all day with them(a 6 and a 9 year old). I don't want to keep rambling...
I feel like i am back in the huge pit. Inside the pit, are even deeper, smaller pits. Some days, or for several days, I fall into those deeper pits. After a time i claw my way out of the deeper pits, back to baseline, in the mother pit. Was it really that severe a setback? Why can't i climb back out?
I am working So hard on not blaming or bashing myself.
I have gotten to this place of utter despair, that life is passing by, time is slipping away, and this is me at my best. mIssing all of it. wondering; was it really that bad? why am i having such an impossible time recovering? what is happening? can't i make it better?