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Relationship Trauma - Need To Sort Mine Out

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by TScorpio1, Jan 22, 2007.

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  1. TScorpio1

    TScorpio1 Member

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    So. . . I was reading the post about the wife seeking advice. I wish my husband would read some of this stuff.

    I really have put him thru hell. I almost moved out last weekend, started a divorce and moved on. It's so much easier for me. . .

    So. . . I was thinking about the questions she was (in the earlier post) asking and thinking about my husband. He asks me why I don't feel like things are "ours", why i'm not affectionate, understanding, patient, where's my emotion. . . stuff like that. Basically, when it came down to it he said "you know, there's something really wrong with you". I agree. He states "it's just a fork on the floor. . ." and I don't agree.

    It's really hard to describe the internal feelings with this PTSD. Mine is from Childhood Trauma. I think that Anthony is a great "Summarator" (new word?)

    It just takes commitment from both people in the relationship. Plain and simple. It takes acknowledgement and then face the reality if you can or cannot change a situation.

    I chose to try to take control of my "situation" and am meeting a new counselor who specializes in PTSD, Childhood Trauma - and am also hoping to joing a weekly group.

    Something's gotta give or my kid's never gonna forgive my being anal all the time, my family's never gonna see me truly smile out of true emotion, or my husband's gonna find someone who will give him a full hug.

    So I hope that this is going to work. I would like to "reparticipate" on this board and really get this figured out for my sanity (Hah!) as well.

    Anthony, you had answered to a post to where I was commenting on my mother and put a lot of time into your response. I really appreciate it and will find it and answer it to the fullest.

    Take care all
     
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  3. Andre

    Andre Active Member

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    Hello TS. Are you willing to discuss more of your efforts to try to explain your feelings? I would like to try to help you as I am in that part of recovery as well and have found collaboration very helpful for advancing my own thoughts. If you prefer to speak privately, please feel free.
     
  4. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

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    Hi TScorpio, I am happy that you see it that way and are willing to do what you have to do in order to live better :) Its hard to take that first step...but just think.. you are doing the right thing. You are helping yourself and that will lead to the people around you who love you to give the support you need. You need to do it for you!! and your child. Your fam would love to see you happy..and I wouldnt worry about your hubby too much, he loves you and hes not going to wake up one morning and realize he wants somebody new.... we all get a little bit impatient at times and hell i have told me husband sooo many times that i am going to leave him and i get upset because i dont get hugs or a more emotional person like i used to know....but in the end i really do love him and i wouldnt leave him to do this on his own. Its freakin hard as sh*t this PTSD crap! but i know my hubby is strong enough as a person..i really do believe in him. And i believe in you because you are already talking about wanting to get better :) and get help and you have to do now is go forward and do it!! and i know you are doing it for everyone around you but dont forget to do it for yourself! because you want to be better and happy :) that will make everyone else around you happy as well :)
    Best of luck!
     
  5. TScorpio1

    TScorpio1 Member

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    Thanks

    Thank u both for ur reply. I appreciate in. Andre, I will in time. I am having a huge issue with vulnerability and the issue of weakness. So, I will in baby steps from time to time. I appreciate the supportive words too Andrea - that was nice :loopy:

    I don't know what it's going to take. It's so hard, but I know it's worth it in the end. You know, walls were put up for a reason, and after 30 or more years of having these, it's really hard to even put a hole in one (metaphorically).

    I was just perusing on my thoughts in relation to relationships earlier. I really feel guilty for what I put people thru. Some people really care and I would just rather move on sometimes to spare them from me. Just so much association with guilt. . . It was interesting today from my first hour with my new counselor, but I am hopeful. It will be a long time tho, and mucho $$$$$. :think:

    I know that this really affects people in relationships with PTSD'ers - and I think u have to be either: secure, patient, loving, caring - and mostly true to yourself. My husband is patient for the most part and believes in me as a person and the principles I stand by. Thank gawd for that. My husband and I were talking, and if this was a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - we probably would've ended it. But we made a huge commitment by getting married and I don't want to be like another statistic (so to speak). I really respect him for dealing with me and my problems, because he believes in me and what I've overcome so far in my life.

    But, I still don't trust him completely in a certain way. . . isn't that awful? In trust, I mean that I would never 100% rely on him. I gotta make sure that I prove to him that "I don't NEED him. . ." I'm sure u know what I mean.

    It really is sick. . . but it's so true. And that's on a serious note. How do you become that emotionally vulnerable person that can be comfortable with even placing your head on someone's shoulder and be 100% positive that it's okay to do that?

    Tough call. Off to my sleeping pills. . .
     
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