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Tx123
I know there is a whole forum full of posts probably exactly like this one. But I would still like to post mine. Hope that's okay. I promise to come back and read more of the others.
I will try to keep it short (I will fail, just a warning). I feel like by doing so I will leave out important details. But, I also wish to not word vomit all over you all.
I was dating a guy for about a year. Its been a rollercoaster. He definitely has gone through phases before of pushing me away, due to intense insecurities and trust issues. We've come along way though. And, even with the intimacy problems, have gotten very close. Soemthing this guy has never really been able to do. We've overcome a lot.
We broke up about two months ago. He tells me he feels unworthy and unlovable and that can't be himself around people. But, then says with me he feels safe, and good enough, and not judged, and is able to open up, and feels worthy, and loved with me. And that he is able to be the real him. So, we are currently broken up because of all of these heartbreaking negative opinions of himself. Despite the fact that he doesn't feel those negative opinions of himself when we are together.
Yall, I just don't understand it.
I know he feels damaged. And his low self worth and lack of love for himself stems from the abuse he went through as a child. He has opened up to me some on the topic. By his own free will. I would never push these things.
We've spoken a few times, via text, since the end of our relationship. He is not doing well. He is very depressed. He is taking some steps to heal, it seems. He always has been proactive in doing things that are good for his mental well being. But he is really not doing well.
I am concerned. Because of his trouble connecting with others, he has a little to non existent support system. I want to be there for him.
The last time we spoke... A few days ago (it had been a couple weeks of non communication)... I messaged him because I felt like I needed to tell him he doesn't have to be alone. It's good to have people who love and support you by your side. Etc. Things of that nature. He responded. Said he wasn't doing good. How he missed me. Said that seeing me would make him feel better, but not permanently.. he would still have no love for himself. Talked of the childhood trauma a bit. Said he could be his real self with me. And then said his real self is never really around because of the abuse from childhood.
I sent a message back. Compassionate and understanding. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I am also not doing well. I really do get a lot of his feelings.
He hinted at wanting to see me. But said he was being weak because being apart was hard. He's fighting happiness so much. I love him. He loves me. We bring positivity to each other's lives. But for some reason, he feels like he has to be alone. I want what is best for him, but I don't feel like this is it. I don't want to let him push me away. But, I don't want to smother him or be forceful and annoying either. And I know the choice is his, either way.
I don't know what the point of this post is. I'm not asking anything in particular. I guess any help to understand would be nice. Could I do more to support him, or is letting him go really our only option?
Thanks xoxo
I will try to keep it short (I will fail, just a warning). I feel like by doing so I will leave out important details. But, I also wish to not word vomit all over you all.
I was dating a guy for about a year. Its been a rollercoaster. He definitely has gone through phases before of pushing me away, due to intense insecurities and trust issues. We've come along way though. And, even with the intimacy problems, have gotten very close. Soemthing this guy has never really been able to do. We've overcome a lot.
We broke up about two months ago. He tells me he feels unworthy and unlovable and that can't be himself around people. But, then says with me he feels safe, and good enough, and not judged, and is able to open up, and feels worthy, and loved with me. And that he is able to be the real him. So, we are currently broken up because of all of these heartbreaking negative opinions of himself. Despite the fact that he doesn't feel those negative opinions of himself when we are together.
Yall, I just don't understand it.
I know he feels damaged. And his low self worth and lack of love for himself stems from the abuse he went through as a child. He has opened up to me some on the topic. By his own free will. I would never push these things.
We've spoken a few times, via text, since the end of our relationship. He is not doing well. He is very depressed. He is taking some steps to heal, it seems. He always has been proactive in doing things that are good for his mental well being. But he is really not doing well.
I am concerned. Because of his trouble connecting with others, he has a little to non existent support system. I want to be there for him.
The last time we spoke... A few days ago (it had been a couple weeks of non communication)... I messaged him because I felt like I needed to tell him he doesn't have to be alone. It's good to have people who love and support you by your side. Etc. Things of that nature. He responded. Said he wasn't doing good. How he missed me. Said that seeing me would make him feel better, but not permanently.. he would still have no love for himself. Talked of the childhood trauma a bit. Said he could be his real self with me. And then said his real self is never really around because of the abuse from childhood.
I sent a message back. Compassionate and understanding. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I am also not doing well. I really do get a lot of his feelings.
He hinted at wanting to see me. But said he was being weak because being apart was hard. He's fighting happiness so much. I love him. He loves me. We bring positivity to each other's lives. But for some reason, he feels like he has to be alone. I want what is best for him, but I don't feel like this is it. I don't want to let him push me away. But, I don't want to smother him or be forceful and annoying either. And I know the choice is his, either way.
I don't know what the point of this post is. I'm not asking anything in particular. I guess any help to understand would be nice. Could I do more to support him, or is letting him go really our only option?
Thanks xoxo