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Respond in healthier ways?

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whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I keep hearing that if I can learn to respond in healthier ways - i.e., in this case, more mindfully, - I would be able to navigate the ups and downs of my life a lot easier.

I have tried. Seriously. I have tried harder than anyone I know in the circle of folks I know personally. And my responses to *others* is are more measured and thoughtful. That is, I don't go off on them (usually) and I generally well-respected in my work environment (I have no social circle).

But I don't know how to navigate the kinds of stuff I've been dealing with. I don't know how to *function* when every single day I wake up things are thrown at me that are just not manageable. When I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Just as an example, since Thursday:
I got really sick at work right before I left. It was from the chemicals they are using to clean, which I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to get them to change. So when I left, I was feeling dizzy and nauseated. I had car trouble on the way home - it was shuddering and shaking when I slowed down. Right before I took it in on Friday, my mom called to tell my aunt died and I started with severe chills. By the time I got home from the dealer, my temp was 102. But while I was getting my car looked at, they told me my engine needed to be replaced and it was going to cost $3500. Oh, but no, they wouldn't give me the diagnostics, it just was "usually" what needed to be done when these symptoms presented. I was in bed for the next 8 hours. Yesterday I tore something in my knee while I was at my mom's and came home to a broken air conditioner (in 90 degree heat). Oh, and my beautiful cat is sick. And my therapist is on vacation.

I know. Life. But it's been like this on a consistent basis (I kid you not) since January. I need a break. And on top of everything, I don't have the money to take care of all the stuff that needs fixing. That is like an umbrella over everything.

Thanks for letting me vent. I know there are no answers. There never are.
 
Usually I would say, ok, it’s life deal with it, but that’s a bit of overkill. Even the so called “normal people”would find that overwhelming to deal with. Just deal with what you really need to deal with and screw the rest for now.

Plus, I’d get a second opinion on the car. Auto shops love to screw people!!!!!
 
Thanks @littleoc and @She Cat. Since I wrote this, I've stopped my Topamax (switched to Lamictal for my seizures) and am feeling about 300% better. It seems that the intense depression - which was made a lot worse by the Topamax - was underlying and, in a sense, driving a lot of the PTSD-type reactions I was having. I still have weeks when everything in the world (and then some) goes wrong, but my reaction to it is much more measured.

In addition to the improvement from stopping the meds, I've been doing a lot more work with my spiritual beliefs. I'm Buddhist and the practice and ethics really help me more than anything.

I'm struggling some with therapy. There have been what seem like lots of interruptions and I don't think we get much accomplished. I'm really so much better though in terms of responding to stuff and not thinking so much about dying and I know that a lot of that has to do with the discussions my therapist and I have. Just a little frustrated, I think.
 
I'd say it's pretty normal to be frustrated, and I'm so glad that you're managing things better!

I hope life stays as well as possible for you :)
 
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