whiteraven
MyPTSD Pro
I keep hearing that if I can learn to respond in healthier ways - i.e., in this case, more mindfully, - I would be able to navigate the ups and downs of my life a lot easier.
I have tried. Seriously. I have tried harder than anyone I know in the circle of folks I know personally. And my responses to *others* is are more measured and thoughtful. That is, I don't go off on them (usually) and I generally well-respected in my work environment (I have no social circle).
But I don't know how to navigate the kinds of stuff I've been dealing with. I don't know how to *function* when every single day I wake up things are thrown at me that are just not manageable. When I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Just as an example, since Thursday:
I got really sick at work right before I left. It was from the chemicals they are using to clean, which I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to get them to change. So when I left, I was feeling dizzy and nauseated. I had car trouble on the way home - it was shuddering and shaking when I slowed down. Right before I took it in on Friday, my mom called to tell my aunt died and I started with severe chills. By the time I got home from the dealer, my temp was 102. But while I was getting my car looked at, they told me my engine needed to be replaced and it was going to cost $3500. Oh, but no, they wouldn't give me the diagnostics, it just was "usually" what needed to be done when these symptoms presented. I was in bed for the next 8 hours. Yesterday I tore something in my knee while I was at my mom's and came home to a broken air conditioner (in 90 degree heat). Oh, and my beautiful cat is sick. And my therapist is on vacation.
I know. Life. But it's been like this on a consistent basis (I kid you not) since January. I need a break. And on top of everything, I don't have the money to take care of all the stuff that needs fixing. That is like an umbrella over everything.
Thanks for letting me vent. I know there are no answers. There never are.
I have tried. Seriously. I have tried harder than anyone I know in the circle of folks I know personally. And my responses to *others* is are more measured and thoughtful. That is, I don't go off on them (usually) and I generally well-respected in my work environment (I have no social circle).
But I don't know how to navigate the kinds of stuff I've been dealing with. I don't know how to *function* when every single day I wake up things are thrown at me that are just not manageable. When I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Just as an example, since Thursday:
I got really sick at work right before I left. It was from the chemicals they are using to clean, which I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to get them to change. So when I left, I was feeling dizzy and nauseated. I had car trouble on the way home - it was shuddering and shaking when I slowed down. Right before I took it in on Friday, my mom called to tell my aunt died and I started with severe chills. By the time I got home from the dealer, my temp was 102. But while I was getting my car looked at, they told me my engine needed to be replaced and it was going to cost $3500. Oh, but no, they wouldn't give me the diagnostics, it just was "usually" what needed to be done when these symptoms presented. I was in bed for the next 8 hours. Yesterday I tore something in my knee while I was at my mom's and came home to a broken air conditioner (in 90 degree heat). Oh, and my beautiful cat is sick. And my therapist is on vacation.
I know. Life. But it's been like this on a consistent basis (I kid you not) since January. I need a break. And on top of everything, I don't have the money to take care of all the stuff that needs fixing. That is like an umbrella over everything.
Thanks for letting me vent. I know there are no answers. There never are.