J
John_Doe
Hello!
I found this forum last week, and I want to tell you my story, in order to get any piece of advice/support.
I'm dating with my girlfriend (we both 24) for an year and a month now, and we are about to marry. However, when time goes, it feels more and more hard for me to deal with her PTSD and depression (or bipolar), and I feel like a mess...
I feel that our relationship is like a roller coaster, it is NOT boring at all, but it is hard as well. She is a wonderful girl, very clever and she loves me, for sure I love her. I am trying to give her the best support I can, I really TRY, and she telling me she appreciates it (when she is in her good mood). She stopped with her pills, as she told me, thanks to me, and she doesn't want to take them regularly because she don't want to sleep all the time. She tells me that I'm the only person who can rescue her, and help her to deal with it. However, when I'm looking back to our relationship - things aren't better at all (she thinks they are, maybe). She suffers from mood changes, aggression (she is not violent), she tells me to leave her because I'm bad, but 5 mins after it she cries and tells me she cannot live without me, she asks me not to leave her alone as she will die. She told me that when we marry and have children things will be better, and that is the only thing she needs to be better.
But from my perspective, I will not write everything that happens (because it will take so long and you will be bored to read my post), I'm finding myself in a total pressure. When she is not in her good mood, she always aggressed, depressed, wants to die, blaming me that I cannot understand her and will leave her, she doesn't trust me. I cannot hang out with my friend, or come home even 1 time per month late, because it is a scandal that I abandon her, left her alone, she doesn't allow me to let her get sleep alone (I don't want to sleep without her, but sometimes I want to see my friends and hangout with them) we had a lot of talks about it, and I feel gilt all the time. On the on hand, she tells me OK, go have a great time, but 1 hour after, she calls and does a great scandal. She is always depressed when I'm not near her, and she wants me to be there 24/7 otherwise she tells me I'm leaving her and don't understand and support her problems. Sometimes, she may just tell me - don't come to me, I want to be alone, and if I'm coming I'm bad because I don't support her privacy, and if I don't come I'm even worst - and she can just go out of home and do 'crazy' things, write me that I left her alone, and the next day just cry and apologize and I forgiving her. I cannot do things I love with her, because she is not used to them, and when I try to do them - I'm always leaving her... I understand that she cannot be without me for the hole day or two if I want to go for trip or something, because she really afraid, BUT I believe that we should have our own space, and it is impossible, she accepts it theoretically, but when it comes to business it just doesn't work. I've found a therapy for her, get used to her mood changes, her depression, taking care of her and try to be always near her...
A friend of mine, told me, that I have changed... That I'm not as was before meeting her, I'm more depressed myself. I don't do my hobbies or see friends (as I can do them only after a work, and that means she needs to go to sleep without me once a week-month). When I try to think with a cold mind I understand that this situation would not be changed for the hole life, I will be always a supporter and a care taker in this relationship, and I just cannot do it like this, because when I see a regular couples, their life is totally different, and much more happy... But, when I see her, my heart tells me that I'm such an egoist and taking care of someone you love is a part of the life, and how can you leave this wonderful woman just because she is sick (all her problems are because she is sick) and you should accept is and live with it even if it hurts you, because you are getting her love and her care too (she is a very good woman).
So... I am a bit stuck here... Just one thought comes to my mind, if she leaves me - it is OK, I will be OK, but if I leave her - I will regret it whole my life because I left her because of her problems and she will not be OK.
Thanks for your time.
I found this forum last week, and I want to tell you my story, in order to get any piece of advice/support.
I'm dating with my girlfriend (we both 24) for an year and a month now, and we are about to marry. However, when time goes, it feels more and more hard for me to deal with her PTSD and depression (or bipolar), and I feel like a mess...
I feel that our relationship is like a roller coaster, it is NOT boring at all, but it is hard as well. She is a wonderful girl, very clever and she loves me, for sure I love her. I am trying to give her the best support I can, I really TRY, and she telling me she appreciates it (when she is in her good mood). She stopped with her pills, as she told me, thanks to me, and she doesn't want to take them regularly because she don't want to sleep all the time. She tells me that I'm the only person who can rescue her, and help her to deal with it. However, when I'm looking back to our relationship - things aren't better at all (she thinks they are, maybe). She suffers from mood changes, aggression (she is not violent), she tells me to leave her because I'm bad, but 5 mins after it she cries and tells me she cannot live without me, she asks me not to leave her alone as she will die. She told me that when we marry and have children things will be better, and that is the only thing she needs to be better.
But from my perspective, I will not write everything that happens (because it will take so long and you will be bored to read my post), I'm finding myself in a total pressure. When she is not in her good mood, she always aggressed, depressed, wants to die, blaming me that I cannot understand her and will leave her, she doesn't trust me. I cannot hang out with my friend, or come home even 1 time per month late, because it is a scandal that I abandon her, left her alone, she doesn't allow me to let her get sleep alone (I don't want to sleep without her, but sometimes I want to see my friends and hangout with them) we had a lot of talks about it, and I feel gilt all the time. On the on hand, she tells me OK, go have a great time, but 1 hour after, she calls and does a great scandal. She is always depressed when I'm not near her, and she wants me to be there 24/7 otherwise she tells me I'm leaving her and don't understand and support her problems. Sometimes, she may just tell me - don't come to me, I want to be alone, and if I'm coming I'm bad because I don't support her privacy, and if I don't come I'm even worst - and she can just go out of home and do 'crazy' things, write me that I left her alone, and the next day just cry and apologize and I forgiving her. I cannot do things I love with her, because she is not used to them, and when I try to do them - I'm always leaving her... I understand that she cannot be without me for the hole day or two if I want to go for trip or something, because she really afraid, BUT I believe that we should have our own space, and it is impossible, she accepts it theoretically, but when it comes to business it just doesn't work. I've found a therapy for her, get used to her mood changes, her depression, taking care of her and try to be always near her...
A friend of mine, told me, that I have changed... That I'm not as was before meeting her, I'm more depressed myself. I don't do my hobbies or see friends (as I can do them only after a work, and that means she needs to go to sleep without me once a week-month). When I try to think with a cold mind I understand that this situation would not be changed for the hole life, I will be always a supporter and a care taker in this relationship, and I just cannot do it like this, because when I see a regular couples, their life is totally different, and much more happy... But, when I see her, my heart tells me that I'm such an egoist and taking care of someone you love is a part of the life, and how can you leave this wonderful woman just because she is sick (all her problems are because she is sick) and you should accept is and live with it even if it hurts you, because you are getting her love and her care too (she is a very good woman).
So... I am a bit stuck here... Just one thought comes to my mind, if she leaves me - it is OK, I will be OK, but if I leave her - I will regret it whole my life because I left her because of her problems and she will not be OK.
Thanks for your time.