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Rough couple of days.

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PDH

Confident
I have no idea where to post this.

Its been a rough couple of days. Ended up in hospital with a gyno issue that I ignored for ages because I didn't want anyone looking at it...bad move. Got to the point over the last few days where I had no choice.

I feel gross. When I was coming out of the anaesthetic, with the pain I was in I had a flashback and started freaking out. But I couldn't explain to the nurses what what happening because I couldn't find words. They must have thought I was crazy.

I hate thinking how exposed I was while I was in surgery...and I had completely no control.

I'd never been to a gyno before for anything.
This was a baptism of fire. I'm struggling.
 
Oh goodness @419can.dance !
I feel for you. That must have been horrible.

I feel strange today. My head keeps going back to when I came out of the anaesthetic. I keep wanting to cry, and the anxiety is through the roof. I feel so silly about this. It wasn't even a massive procedure or anything.
 
And here I was worrying about the dentist...

How do you prepare for medical things where people have to touch you?

Yesterday I had my knees checked out, which involved having a doctor physically touch my knee areas, thighs (checking quads), move my legs, etc. It was very difficult, very hard to not freak out. Fortunately it didn't take long, I don't know if I could have gone on longer. My palms were sweating heavily - my sign for "freakout mode incoming" - I was super tense, I had to be constantly reminded to relax every few seconds so the doctor could move my knees and figure out what was wrong with them and what wasn't. The doctor tried to get me to feel my knee while it was being moved, so I could feel the grinding of bone against bone, but I couldn't feel any of it because I was too busy trying to hold my shit together. I had a pretty difficult day after that. Afterwards I felt pretty shaken and kept dwelling on the past, I had to do a lot of calming techniques yesterday.

One of my kneecaps is sort of out of place and rubbing against the other bones, which explains my knee pain at least. I have physical therapy starting next week which is going to involve someone taping my knee and I'm sure plenty of other stuff like that, involving physical touch.

I can't imagine how I'd feel having to have medical stuff done to my privates if just having my legs touched freaks me out so much, I'm sorry you had to go through that.
 
It wasn't even a massive procedure or anything.
With PTSD sufferers it doesn't have to be something major. :hug::hug::hug:@PDH:hug::hug::hug:

Just had a bout with eye infections and corneal abrasion and it took all I had to keep going back to the doctor for checkups. ARGH! Got another one this next week. Dissociation got me here, waiting too long to go to the eye doctor in the first place.

I can relate to procrastinating anything medical.
 
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Ugh, this seems to have really screwed with me a bit.
I keep going back to how it felt coming out of the anaesthetic and am on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster at the mo.

Have to say, I'm counting the days to my next T appointment!

@Congruency I hope everything goes ok for you. Lots of strength being sent your way for the next appointment.

@Tibergrace You poor thing :( Sorry you've had to experience all that. I hope your calming techniques helped. Goodluck with the physical therapy too. Hope you're able to stay grounded and also get some relief for your knees
 
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