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Run Into My Abuser

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Last weekend I decided to go to the cinema with a few friends I have recently made. Therapy had been going well and I was slowly moving out of the bubble I had created. Beforehand I couldn't go tot the cinema as it scared me that I was stuck in a dark room with strangers. I went in with one of them as the rest stayed outside to buy popcorn and we were both happily chatting whilst waiting. Suddenly I look up and I see my abuser walk in....

All I remember is feeling fear spread throughout me and then the lights go out. I panicked and the next minute I was outside sobbing frantically. Things haven't been the same since. I feel like all that progress has gone as I'm back to how it used to be, when I thought I'd gotten better. How do I explain this to these new friends? They don't know about my past. I can't sleep again. All I keep thinking it about my abuser and I don't feel safe!
 
@FridayJones i am safe now, even if I may not feel it at all. The problem with where I live is that it's such a small place. I'm scared this will happen again which I don't want it to. Especially if I'm alone.

I feel I owe them an explanation to what happened as I never went back in to watch the film with them. I couldn't deal with the idea of him bein in there in the dark and me in there too.

Thanks for your reply and advice.
 
They're your friends. It should be safe to tell them at least something about this significant part of your life. You don't "owe them an explanation" but your friends are people who care about you and want to be part of your life. This is a big part of your life. Besides, it might be good to know someone has your back.

ARE you safe from your abuser now? Not "do you feel safe?" but ARE you safe? That's a big question. If that person is not a threat to you now, and they've known all along you both live in the same place, then whether or not you saw them has no effect on your safety. It can affect how you FEEL, but you are actually safe, concentrating on the fact rather than the feeling might help. If you're not safe because that person now knows you're there, that's a whole different situation.
 
I've actually run into three of my abusers. One local, two not. I too live in a small town but refuse to live in fear. I am though an "in your face" sort of person. I have his personal information on my refrigerator door... just in case along with my last stalker's.
 
@scout86 im scared to mention the I have PTSD/ what causes it to people because every other time I have it hasn't eneded well. Such as when I told my family what happened and now they don't talk to me and blame me. My fear is that this will occur again.

He does know I am here. I am safe just to clear things up. My feelings however convince me otherwise.

@The Albatross As much as I want to get to the point of not having him bother me whilst living in the same town, I'm not sure I can. Places give me flashbacks, not to mention when I see him. I try not to let it fear me but sadly it does.

Thanks for your replies.
 
now they don't talk to me and blame me. My fear is that this will occur again.
Been there, done that. It depends on your "family". Some families are awesome, or so I'm told. But "families" sometimes have more invested in THEIR version of YOUR reality than friends do. Friends, real friends are sometimes more willing to listen and to accept because there's less at stake for them, personally. Everyone can't handle being told this sort of stuff, but some people can. If you can find a couple people you can trust with this, I think you'll be surprised at how much difference it makes. I don't say this lightly, but think about it and maybe give it a try.
 
When I had to do rape crisis counseling I did exposures at the scenes, it was part of my treatment and I didn't want to sit in there for 4 plus years like some of the other women did so I did it. Not very many people make the decision or can commit to that though. But the simple fact for me was that I knew I was not going to relocate out of my town. I handled the face to face with my rapist with my shrink and decided that my strategy would be to keep his identity and personal information on my refrigerator. It gave me a reasonable sense of safety. I also carried pepper spray with UV marking and tear gas for a while... a palm held one when I had to go out and about. Time passed and I don't need to do that anymore except for occasional situations, like when I did my solo beach exposures last year.
 
@scout86 yeah I haven't had the luck of having an awesome family. I see what you mean about their reality of you, I believe my family so exactly that. The friends I have made seem very nice and I don't think I can handle it if they turne they backs on me. I will think about it and perhaps tell them slowly with as little at a time that I can manage. I like the idea of having people I can trust that accept me for who I am. Hopefully, they will accept me.

@The Albatross exposures at the scenes sounds very intense. What exactly is that? I don't think I've heard about it before. My abuser was a family member of mine and I find it difficult when I see him. I hope to get to that stage as you said where I can function without worrying/panicking etc. does exposure help?
 
It helped me. Though I had a set back for a while for reasons that had nothing to do with the rapes or abuse. Under the guidance of my rape crisis counselor (because I wanted to fast track the treatment) I was told to approximate the scenario of my adult rape 3 times at first night, then more the second and still more the third and report back. So I walked into convenience stores at night time, bought one item and went back to my car and drove to the next one. It was not easy the first night but I did three, alone... just like I was during the night of the crime. I did like 5 or 6 the second night, and the third night I drove all over to get 10. The 10th one was the scene of the crime. I reported back, and went to a couple more sessions then quit. I did about 9 weeks all told. With other situations it is more difficult. I think Anthony too has an article or two on exposures.

I also went back to the street where it occurred... but that took me a good while longer and I repeated it for a while til my anxiety level went down to about a 4.
 
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