1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The Daily Dose

Get the last 24hrs of new topics delivered to your inbox.

Click Here to Subscribe

S & M - Its Relationship To PTSD?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by batgirl, Sep 22, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

    2,322
    172
    0
    If this topic is inappropriate I'm sorry and please just remove it. But I was surfing late last night and happened upon this huge weird website about sadomasochism. I really don't know anything about it, especially as I've never in a relationship, but after reading on the website, I was wondering... the whole concept of it seems really odd to me. People on the site said they really enjoyed it but I wondered if they might gravitate to S&M because they had been abused as children? I mean how could you enjoy being humiliated like that, unless your self-esteem was really low? Or also, someone involved in S&M, especially as a submissive, could they develop PTSD as a result? I don't know, the whole thing just seems creepy to me, but I could be wrong. I'm curious what other people think.
     
  2. Register to participate in live chat, PTSD discussion and more.
  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    3,530
    108
    0
    There is actually an article in information somewhere about it here. I will try to find it for you. It was a very interesting article to me and it helped explain a lot of those patterns.

    My ex husband is a sadist and though I am not a masochist I still ended up being treated the way I did. Some unnerving mind games are played and if you have PTSD untreated you can fall victim rather easily. Sadist are predators, they hunt for certain traits and then exploit them.

    Can you get PTSD from it? No idea, probably would not help! I already had it so I can't say I got it there. But I did have to explore the way the mind works for both people and try to understand it to get to a better place in my healing. You know the whole no stone unturned thing.

    I guess you could get it from that the same way someone who chooses to have an abortion, or commits a violent crime can. Just because they choose, doesn't mean they won't feel the effects. Many women stay with abusive husbands and get PTSD... Personally Battered Wife Syndrome sounds very much like S&M. Spouse rapes, beats, torments the other. The other is so beaten down they believe the assailant that they are worth jack shit and could never make it without them, and when you do decide it is enough here comes the charm and roses with everything you feel in love with. You try to behave and act how you think they want to not piss them off...

    S&M, the only difference I see is they try to make it like this should be acceptable human behavior.

    ETA thing I forgot about the BWS or whatever it is called, those women normally snap and attack back don't they? Or is it why they do not leave is because of it? Not sure.
     
  4. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    3,530
    108
    0
    [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread1378.html[/DLMURL]

    Here was the article I found when I had to research this.
     
    Anna likes this.
  5. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

    2,322
    172
    0
    Oh wow Veiled thanks for all that information. I didn't realize you had been in that kind of situation... that's awful. I hadn't really heard of BWS either but is that what Farrah Fawcett had in the movie "The Burning Bed"? Makes sense to me if she did, that movie was really hard to watch.

    Yes exactly that's what I was thinking too while I was reading! Everyone on the website claimed they were enjoying themselves, they are consenting adults and so on, but it just seemed off to me and unhealthy.

    Anyhow thanks very much I'm going to go read that article.
     
  6. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

    1,085
    148
    0
    I'm not an expert by any means, but an internet friend of mine has PTSD from an abusive father (her sisters have it too). One of her sister is part of S&M and states she likes it and tries to get people to join, so maybe it is related some how.

    Tammy
     
  7. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

    2,322
    172
    0
    That's interesting Tammy thanks for sharing. It might be related? I'm not sure but I definitely find the subject interesting and I'm going to do more reading on it.
     
  8. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

    916
    467
    10,583
    Batty, S&M isn't a bad subject really. The psychological "need" some of these people have for S&M is certainly worthy of study. An unbiased & non-judgemental study, that is. And trusting the DoJ or FBI to do ANYTHING even "right" is already one hell of a gamble. So expecting anything unbiased or non-judgemental or even accurate is quite unreasonable.
     
  9. fdhionly

    fdhionly New Member

    16
    2
    0
    Batgirl,

    I think there are people who gravitate towards S & M because of past abuse, in the sense that some people have mixed experiences when sexually abused where they have experienced physical pleasure at the time of the abuse. I want to be clear that I am not talking about the survivor 'liking' or being responsible for the abuse, but a physiological reaction that could become an unconscious hardwired neurological response. Not every survivor experiences this, and I don't think it would apply to everyone involved in S & M.

    Another aspect might be a traumatized person who is so numb they seek that kind of intense stimulation to feel anything. S & M has the potential to be a very addictive kind of behaviour, so in that sense it would draw trauma survivors in the same way any other addicition could.

    Regarding whether it could traumatize someone....possibly, depending on the person's personality type, PTSD history and the circumstances (eg, feeling trapped in a dangerous situation). It's not cut and dried, and as earlier posters have said unbiased, non-judgemental information on this subject is tough to find.
     
  10. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

    916
    467
    10,583
    FD is right. I know with my S&M it has gravitated to the point that it's no longer as painful as it used to be, but now to the point that it feels a lot different than before. It no longer hurts, but is still very....different (right word?). Of course that also gets to me talking about very private stuff in an arena in which I know no one well enough to discuss it with.
     
  11. vera

    vera Active Member

    126
    14
    0
    For what i've experienced/read about S&M, i would have to say it can be positive sometimes.
    i think S&M people are the ones who understand that the best way to explore/release/fulfill their violence/domination/control fantasies is through consensual play, where everyone involved has had a participation in deciding what can and cannot happen. that way you don't end up in abusive relationships or hurting people just because you have sexual fantasies about it.
    i'm not sure it's always the case, but it can be done safely. lots of people actually choose a safety word (other than "please stop", something that has nothing to do with the game like "tomato") so they can "enjoy the begging" but there is no chance that their partner will misunderstand them and go beyond what they enjoy.
     
    breathingheart and Badger like this.
  12. vera

    vera Active Member

    126
    14
    0
    what i mean by "what can and cannot happen" is that (unless you're doing it "wrong" - but try and define "wrong" play/sex anyway) you don't just pick a stranger in the street and ask him/her to torture you. people sit and talk before they get it on, discuss everything - how much "torture" is too much? will they be electricity? will there be cutting, burning, cold torture? is bleeding crossing the line? is bleeding what you expect? how long, how hard, what do you like being called, etc etc.
    it's not like you are tied up wearing a ball-gag and you don't know what will happen to you, you've decided it first.
    i think any kind of sex that involves that amount of conversation and agreement has potential to be healthy.

    and about people ending up in S&M because of past abuse... i'm not sure. that might be the case sometimes, but i don't think it's always. if it is the case, i think there is a slight chance that safe S&M itself will help you deal with your feelings about it, and then might end up not being appealing to you anymore.
     
  13. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    3,530
    108
    0
    What I think some here are overlooking completely is the danger involved emotionally and mentally if you don't want to think about the abuse that often ensues. Now why the hell would I know a lot of this? Not the net, I can tell you that! I worked in clubs for a long time and I met some very "interesting" people and knew a lot of people who had "alternative" lifestyles.

    My ex I am speaking of is a detective now, he was patrol during this. So the "profile" in the information I provided is yes flawed in the area of typical job. But everywhere else? Nope.

    People who are on the receiving end are continuously manipulated. It takes the "if you loved me" bull shit to a whole new level. It is decided upon equally is a crock. People are preying on emotionally damaged people to hurt them further or manipulating a situation to act out there aggression.

    Can they love the person they hurt? Sure, but as an object. They are not the same emotionally as joe blow on the street.

    You are just flat wrong if you do not think people get hurt. Injury is quite common place and just considered part of it. You do something to piss off your partner you may not just get slapped or punched. No it is way more ****ing ominous. They have to turn it into a whole ****ing production. If you do not think someone getting beaten with a bamboo cane or a fiberglass rod is not injury you are way off base. I can tell you first hand it hurts like a mother, worse than a surprise slap as I have had both. Also, the welts it leaves on you is disgusting.

    How in the **** someone can think that is even close to having potential for a healthy relationship is beyond me.

    Someone who is OK with this being done to them is in a very bad place mentally and emotionally. Many find them self simply in it one day and not sure how the hell it really started.

    Sadist? You have got to be ****ing kidding me!!!! Please explain to me how in the hell beating someone in a "controlled" situation is a good thing? How in the hell can it be twisted that way as no form of logic does? Because you may even find someone willing to go along with the shit does not make them emotionally sound or mentally stable. They are off as they "need" and get jollies raping, hurting, chocking, beating, burning, cutting another. Last time I checked these were signs you have issues and need help. Just because there are others who share your desires does not discount the weight of these peoples issues.

    So someone is willing to stay? Same argument with people who batter their spouses. Not many of those women leave either. So obviously it is OK to continue as no one left. Oh, but others give permission. You mean people who emotionally unwell.

    So if you think two people that are obviously unstable make a healthy relationship hurting and being hurt... Not much I can do about it. And not everyone in that "scene" wants a damn thing to do with it and it is just as bad if not worse than typical abusive relationships as you have a shit load more head games played on you.
     
    Philippa likes this.
Loading...
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Show Sidebar