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Saw A Fellow Victim )-: Triggered

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K

Kere

i bumped into her the other day. We were not friends but I know she also went through similar things to me at the hands of the same person.
Memories, all confused and jagged, all panicky and disorganised. It's hard to put into words.
We made vague arrangements to meet and talk. Is that a good idea or a. As idea.
I just don't know.
It feels like nobody else could really understand what happened except for her and one other....
I block it all off these days.
Just don't know if it's s good idea or s bad one. Any advice?
 
I'd keep the meeting light, if you're going.

Social chit chat and fun times. Seeing her and knowing you have a common history is a bad stressor enough.
 
Op here. I've had heaps of therapy but there's Something different about someone who was there. But yeah I think maybe better leave it In its compartment. All the old ghosts started to come Alive
 
Smart. Not sure what you would gain from it. Maybe another time. Call this a lesson in self care maybe?
 
I'd be very hesitant to discuss anything with another survivor of the same abuser as it would retigger me terribly... But it can go either way.

Things that I can shrug off feel more real when I think of them happening to another person, which make it more real that it happened to me.

I've been trying to recover from just an email message with someone for a few years now, I can't imagine what it would do to meet face to face.

But then, I've met with another survivor of a lessor abuser and it did validate what I thought happened actually did. I think that discussion helped us both.

A lot depends on your mental state and what happened to cause the trauma, I suppose.
 
Can you start with email conversations first to see how that works out? As @amow says, it could go either way.... but face to face, if it goes badly, may well have you trapped. That never works out well for me.
 
We are going to talk on the phone. I'll just be honest and say I'm worried about getting retriggered about it all for both of us.
The thing I'm most interested in is what came later. She mentioned that it had taken five ish years to begin to feel ok ish again. It was exactly the same for me.
That in itself was validating as I often felt like it took too long for me, like I'd done something wrong.
I don't think we will talk too much about the abuse, maybe more how we feel now
 
What about what that person wants out of the conversation/relationship. Maybe s/he wants to talk about the abuse? I guess don't assume anything. Lay it out in the open and ask for the same.
 
You're right, I will do that. I want it to be positive for both of us.
It's a weird thing but I'm some ways I feel like it broke the dam running into her. I cried for a few days with not much break - had to take time off work.
That sounds bad, but actually it was good. I haven't been able to cry for a long time.
I do know the dangers. i will be clear, but it's nice to not feel so alone in the world for a second! I know that's weird
 
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