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Saw Something I Didn't Want To See

Discussion in 'General' started by StressedOut26, Mar 18, 2007.

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  1. StressedOut26

    StressedOut26 New Member

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    Reading this message board has helped me tonight. I havent been sleeping or eating well. 2 days ago I saw the body of a man who jumped from the building across from me. I cant get the image out of my head and Im afraid it will never go away. I feel like this is something I could have controlled. I heard someone had jumped and my curiosity got the best of me. I feel like I did this to myself and if I wouldnt have been so stupid, I wouldnt be going through this. I feel like everything was great with my life before this. I had such wonderful peace of mind and I loved being at home alone watching TV or just relaxing and I havent been able to relax in days. I had such a serious panic attack yesterday that my step father had to come pick me up and hold my hand. My fiance is not the best support system. Hes been through so much in his life that he gets so scared hes going to lose me. But then, that makes me panic more cause I feel like he thinks Im going to go crazy and when someone else thinks that, you dont really have faith in your getting better. He lost both his parents at a very young age. I try to make myself fell better by thinking that hes been through something worse than me and he's dealing with it. Ive been taking my moms Paxils which I know is terrible to do but there are times when the panic attacks get so extreme, my whole body feels like its on fire. My biggest fear is that Im never going to be able to stop this image from intruding in my regular thoughts. I used to be a fan of so many TV shows (CSI, Greys Anatomy, ER) but I feel like everything reminds me of what I saw. I want to be able to enjoy the things I used to without thinking about this person. I hate the fact that this person had nothing to do with me yet left this impression on my life. I know its still early, so I do feel hope that I will get better but sometimes the thought of never getting better intrudes and thats when I panic. Last night, I got very drunk and I actually had fun with my friends but now IM sober and awake after 3 hours of sleep and still panicking. Should I see someone now? Or give it more time? I want my peace of mind back.
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Stop the Paxil as it takes time to have an effect. It is a drug that takes time to work into your system to do a thing at all. If you are feeling something from it it is a placebo effect. You said it happened 2 days ago, not enough time.

    What you may be feeling is normal and it could be considered PTS but it is not PTSD. PTS is very treatable. It is curable. Get help now so you do not end up with PTSD, which at this point you do not have. Better safe than sorry, see someone right away. Preferably someone who does not dispense meds as all it will do is numb you and not let you come to terms.
     
  4. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    please, get help now while you have a chance to stop it. don't wait for a far off dr. appt. find a therapist/counselor that can help you now.
    cathy
     
  5. slhlilbit

    slhlilbit Active Member

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    im glad you found this forum. i agree seek someone that can help you get this undercontrol now befor it really messes you up.
    not to say you are not haveing valid feelings ,you are. just better to get help while its fresh.
     
  6. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

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    yeah hon, please, go see some one before ytou get to the stage we are at. It isn't a nice road to walk *hugs tight*

    cass
     
  7. StressedOut26

    StressedOut26 New Member

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    Is there a high success rate for someone like me recovering? Ive been a mess today and cant seem to see straight. My body still feels hot and heavy. My fiance scares me because he looks at me like Im going crazy. Ive been trying to reach out to a mental health clinic but theyre all close til tomorrow. I feel like I need to speak to someone now :(
     
  8. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Stressed out:

    PTS is a temporary condition. With some counselling to work through your trauma you should be okay in a bit. Really, for something that happened 2 days ago, you should not be medicated. Why were you were medicated for something that can be resolved with counseling? Ohh nevermind just caught the swiping your mom's pills. Cut that out! It's not only dangerous but unnessesscary! (frek.. can't spell that.)

    Seek out a therapist and work through the trauma of seeing this. Work through your self-blame feelings (I feel so stupid and did this to myself.. is blaming yourself) guilt, shame and horror and you most likely, will not end up like this.

    PTSD develops after months of the trauma. Not everyone develops it either. So right now, if you seek out counselling, you are at a slim risk of ending up with PTSD.

    Good luck and get some therapy in!

    bec
     
  9. StressedOut26

    StressedOut26 New Member

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    Thank you so much for the responses. It helps to feel like there is hope for me even when Im feel like there isnt. I keep finding new things to think about. For instance, I have been giving myself a guilty conscience because when I first looked out the window, I saw the body covered with a white blanket. I couldnt believe it so I took a picture with my camera phone and I sent it to my fiance. I did it because I didnt want to experience this alone. The fact that I took that picture is eating me up. I try to tell myself that journalists take pictures of awful things for the cover of a newspaper. I just wanted to share what I was seeing because I was in such a state of shock, I thought someone else experiencing it with me would help me cope. So I could talk to them about it and say, "can you believe what WE saw"? I feel like an awful person and like I exploited this mans death. I didnt take the picture to show the world and say CHECK THIS OUT! But that isnt what I did. I feel like if I didnt take that picture maybe Id be better already.

    I stopped taking my moms Paxil, I bought some stress relieving drops from GNC. Im trying to go the natural route. My sister has been staying with me. She saw what I saw too. I told her what happened and when she got home (which was about 2 hours later) she thought it would be gone already but it wasnt. She is FINE. She doesnt think about it. She sleeps like a baby. Thats what really drives me crazy. How she can be fine and Im a distraught mess. I know different people deal differently in situations but I want to be stronger. I also saw a psychologist on Monday afternoon. I cried to her and told her everything that happened. And she told me it would go away with time and I cant drive myself crazy over this. Thats what everyone tells me. Ive spoken to friends who have seen a hundred times WORSE than what I saw. And theyre fine. One had to go to therapy and get muscle relaxers but the others are fine. I want to be fine again. I cant be alone anymore. I need to see my sister everyday and sleep with her. I think it might be getting out of control. I started eating a little more though which I guess is a good sign. I went to work yesterday and came home feeling a little more normal. Im hoping the more I enter into my usual routine, the more relief I will feel from these awful thoughts. I guess the MAIN reason of my guilt and stress is that I want my peace of mind back so bad. And to feel like its never going to come back is terrorizing me. Anyway, Im done ranting. Thank you all again for being there.
     
  10. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Okay.. wait.. I have a question..

    You didn't see this man jump? Just the body covered by a sheet on the ground from your window?

    bec
     
  11. StressedOut26

    StressedOut26 New Member

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    I didnt see him jump...no. I heard someone had and I called my mom who told me, "OMG Look out over the balcony, is he in the park?" And I said OKAY! And did it. Without thinking about what would happen if I saw something like this. When I first saw it, it had the blanket. Then I still couldnt believe it and looked again not even a minute later and they had taken it off. Thats when I saw the actual body. I didnt take a picture of the body without the blanket. I would have never been able to do something like that. With the blanket over it, it didnt seem too real thats why I was able to do it. But now Im giving myself grief over that. Its like once I find a way to cope with one thing, I find something else to beat myself up about...
     
  12. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Okay:

    Here is what is considered traumatic for PTSD.. (not too sure if it counts for PTS.. will look that up in a sec.)

    What is Traumatic Enough for PTSD Criterion A?

    If you have suffered any of the below with helplessness, fear or horror, you have suffered a traumatic event. Remember, we are talking the worst of these events (example, escaped your burning house at near death, not just your house burned down).
    • Have you been within a natural catastrophe such as an earthquake, fire, flood, hurricane, tornado, volcano, landslide or a dangerous dust storm / windstorm?
    • Have you experienced a community or work related disaster such as an explosion or chemical spill?
    • Have you ever lived in a refugee or concentration camp and / or been tortured?
    • Were you ever sexually or physically assaulted by a stranger, group of strangers, family member or anyone else? Sexual assault includes fondling, molestation, oral, anal, vaginal sex or any other forced sexual activity. Physical assault includes any form of physical contact intended to intimidate or cause pain; being hit, slapped, thrown down stairs, beaten with fists or a weapon, stick, belt, club, gun or being threatened or attacked with a weapon.
    • Were you physically maltreated as a child with excessive beatings or spankings?
    • Were parents or caretakers disciplinary measures sadistic? For example, were you ever made to eat worms or insects, to stand nude in the cold or in front of others, to inure a pet, sibling or other person? Were you ever confined in a cage, closet or tied up? Were you deprived of adequate nutrition and medical care you needed?
    • Have you ever witnessed the death, torture, rape or beating of another person in war or crime?
    • Have you ever seen someone die or be badly injured in a car, aeroplane or other such accident?
    • Has anyone within your family, or close friend, been murdered or committed suicide?
    • As a child, did you ever witness the beating, rape, murder, torture or suicide of a parent, caretaker or friend?
    • Have you ever been within a war and exposed to combat, enemy, friendly fire or atrocities?
    • Have you ever been kidnapped, abducted, raped, burglarized, robbed or mugged?
    • Were you ever injured in a burglary, robbery, mugging or other criminal episode; a car, boat, bicycle, aeroplane or other vehicle accident?
    • Have you ever been involved within a situation in which you felt that you or a member of your family would be harmed or killed? (The criminal issues is whether at the time of the trauma you perceived the situation as life threatening to yourself or others)
    • Were you ever a member of a medical team, fire fighting team, police force, rescue squad or rescue operation that involved one off: danger to your safety and life; witnessing death and injury; making life and death decisions; or high stress working conditions with long hours and unsafe conditions (ie. cleaning outside windows of high-rise buildings)
    And this is a MUST For a PTSD diagnosis:

    Diagnostic criteria for 309.81 Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

    A. The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following were present:(1) the person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others
    (2) the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror. Note: In children, this may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior

    for PTS, which is actually called Acute Stress Reaction this is also the criteria:

    Etiology

    By definition, acute stress disorder is a result of a traumatic event in which the person experienced or witnessed an event that involved threatened or actual serious injury or death and responded with intense fear and helplessness.



    As you can tell, just seeing a dead body of a man does not fit either of these. Go to a counsellor, work out why you are reacting this way and get better. Be honest with why you are reacting this way. Do you have underlying issues that need to be addressed? Are you attention seeking? Do you have a different type of disorder? Etc.. I'm not saying it's any of these possiblities just that you should dig within yourself to discover what the real issue is here.



    bec
     
  13. StressedOut26

    StressedOut26 New Member

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    Thank you Bec. Thats what Im going to try and do. I have another appointment for Monday with my therapist and maybe we can get into it more. I dont want this to get any worse so Im going to do whatever it takes to fix this. I appreciate the replies and the in depth description of PTSD.
     
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