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Scared and overwhelmed

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ShodokanJenn

MyPTSD Pro
So, for many years I was constantly sick and/or injured. Things weren't back-to-back, they were overlapping and piled up 3 and 4 (or more) deep. When I first started seeing my therapist years ago, he assured me that he knew the issues were very real, and they needed proper treatment. He also said he believed things would even out and my physical health would dramatically change as we got the PTSD under better control. I didn't believer him.

He was right, of course. I had still been having frequent health concerns, but it has been years since I needed to be admitted for any reason.

Then, at the beginning of December I developed yet another kidney infection. The initial antibiotics didn't work, and the second ones did but the infection took until right before Christmas to clear. I got hit with a nasty virus that knocked me way back on Christmas eve. High fever, shaking chills, aches everywhere, sore throat, headache, and just generally sick. I took the week between Christmas and New Year's to rest and recover. It didn't work. The virus made my chest tight, and then congested, and then I developed pneumonia in my right lung that was quite extensive. So that meant lots of antibiotics, expectorant, inhalers, and a constant feeling of drowning (I've been held under water until til I've gasped in a big lung full many times as a kid, so I do know from whence I speak). Enter panic and mind-freeze.

Two weeks ago, toward the end of the week, I was actually starting to feel a bit better. Last week Sunday, that disappeared. Had a high fever, sore throat, headache, body aches, chills, muscle stiffness, stomach pain, and more. By Monday afternoon, my breathing was so bad that I had to go to the ER for treatment. While there, they found that the pneumonia was improving a little, there was fluid in my lung that was not pus, and I am concerningly anemic again. Also, my white cells have not responded appropriately to the infections I had/have. And I tested positive for Influenza A. After 8 hours, I got to go home with my Tamiflu and breathing treatments.

This past Friday, I started to feel like I was finally turning the corner back towards health. Saturday evening, on my way home from my dad's house, my right upper quadrant (abdomen) started to hurt. It slowly intensified all day Sunday. I was at my GP's office at 8 Monday morning. Pain shots, labs, CT, chest films, exam... Conclusion was it might be an issue with the kidney, or the gall bladder (both look off in the scan, but the radiologist said there's no definitive diagnosis). Was sent home to rest and told to come back Tuesday if not significantly better.

SO yesterday, it was back to the clinic. More labs. IV fluids as I was so dehydrated that my blood counts no longer reflected the anemia confirmed with Monday's labs. Ultrasound and surgical consult. Surgeon let me go home after ultrasound and said she'd call me with the results. She didn't. Last night they finally added the final radiologist report. I couldn't tell for sure during the scan if things were bad enough to be surgical. But the radiologist confirmed what I saw. There is clearly something amiss with the right kidney, but nobody can tell if it's an active issue or just physical abnormalities left over from all the previous infections. My gall bladder is full of sludge, but it doesn't appear to be infected or blocked at this time.

I am sorry this got so long. I just need to get my thoughts out of my head a bit. In terrified that my physical health over the last 2 months is a reflection of mental health that is declining and I just don't know it yet. I am even more terrified that this is going to once again become a year-long painful odyssey. The thought of going back down that road is horrifying.

I'd really appreciate any words of encouragement, reminders that everything changes, prayers, hugs, advice... Any feedback at all, really.
 
Hi @ShodokanJenn... I'm sorry you have been so ill. Many times I have been ill, or had skin problems... Or constant pain in my body... And no doctor can tell me why.
I often wonder that there is a huge connection to my ptsd, mental state and my body, either body memories or my body almost having a flashback.

I hope you will get better soon. I can send you a big warm hug.... X
 
I have to be at the hospital at 730 AM for s@Xurgery tomorrow. The surgeon is the same one who saved my leg several years back. She assured me I'll probably feel significantly better as soon as I wake up. And that this surgery is way less intense than the endometriosis surgeries I've had. She's about 85% sure she'll be able to do it through a scope. Her only concern is scar tissue. My last surgery, they used InnerCede, which is a mesh that is supposed to prevent adhesions, and wrapped it around all my abdominal organs, but it was still experimental at the time and now it's been pulled from the market for unpublished reasons, and she has no idea what kind of scar tissue she will or won't find in there.

I am so discouraged... I just talked in therapy a couple months ago about how my goal was to not have surgery again, ever (I've had somewhere between 50 and 60 in just 34 years). And now this.

Anyway, gripe fest is over. Thank you for the support and hugs.

And @Xena I really do believe that there is for SURE a connection between PTSD, mental state, and body. Some of it is body memory, but with PTSD, it alters brain chemistry and function, and it changes how your adrenal glands work, which impacts EVERY system in the body. For example, I have SVT. When I am not overly symptomatic, I can go without needing ANY heart meds for months at a time, between doses of my rescue med. When my PTSD flares though? The SVT goes crazy and it often takes three daily meds and two rescue meds just to keep it in check enough to stay out of the hospital.
 
@ShodokanJenn big hug, good mojo

I only read the first post but maybe take a look at really eating well, good foods (I need to be better with that) walking if you are able. I also had pneumonia that almost killed me and just pushed hard. I walked to the door, then the sidewalk the mailbox, around the corner.. Etc. I sure hope and pray you find your way through it with hopeful resistance.
 
Take care of the basics like plenty of water, sleep and good nutrition as best as you’re able. The scope sounds positive, and I hope you get great, fast results from that. Influenza A was really knocking people around here this flu season, so that alone has probably worn your system down.

Are you able to stick with some level of exercise at all? That may help get your internal systems regular again, even if its just a couple of short walks a day? I find walking regularly is a good way to help detox the mind from the mental health stuff going on, without needing the same type of concentration and good vibe that relaxation sessions sometimes require!

Hope you start feeling better soon. And I hope your T can work with you to perhaps stabilise things a bit, because if I remember right, last year was a pretty big year for you?
 
I developed yet another kidney infection. The initial antibiotics didn't work, and the second ones did but the infection took until right before Christmas to clear. I got hit with a nasty virus that knocked me way back on Christmas eve. High fever, shaking chills, aches everywhere, sore throat, headache, and just generally sick.

I am so sorry that you have been sick so much and that it is requiring you to have another surgery, I cannot imagine the hell you have suffered through.

I usually never get sick but last winter I had two kidney infections with the last being the very worst and lasted so long and with the anitbiotics making me so sick to my stomach. I also caught the worst flu I have ever had in my entire life.

I am not deathly afraid to get sick again like that . I really hope that this surgery will really correct the issue for you with your kidney and as for the flu and everything else I am guessing there has been a lot of futile labs and tests for you in this finding out process.

I do not remember my mental state last winter but I really think I was okay and just got really really seriously sick. Have you had flu shots before because I had a flu shot last year and I think it was the shot that made me so very ill for so long. I have learned some things about flu shots that has disturbed me very much to the point that I will not have any more again.

I am praying for a return of good health for you once again. Do all you can to recover well from your surgery and really hoping that your doctors can help you to become stable mentally as soon as possible.

I'd really appreciate any words of encouragement, reminders that everything changes, prayers, hugs, advice... Any feedback at all, really.

I send you some good energy to get well and be really gentle with yourself because of the agony of feeling so very sick. Allow others if you have them to care for you and to help you out.

I had to ask a friend to drive me to emergency with the last kidney infection. I also asked this friend to go food shopping for me and was housebound lying flat on my back for a very long time.

I hope you are stocked up with good movies to watch, I found vegging out watching series episodes of Frasier helped me pass the time because they were not triggering. If that is not your cup of tea find things to watch that you can rest with. And please do rest a lot and take care to put food into your system that is easy to digest. I was eating oatmeal, broth, energy bars and soup for the most part. It was all I could manage to get down.

I am really hoping that all goes well for you and that you can make yourself as comfortable in your recovery process. Try to think of what kinds of food that you can keep down.

Have the kinds of over the counter medicenes that you can take to help you to relieve your pain and sickness be stocked up. That was one thing I did this summer, begin stocking up on over the counter medicenes to have on hand and I realize these things are expensive so I had to buy a little at a time.

Do whatever you have to do to rest comfortably. Get what ever you will need to make you comfortable. I mean that you can recover from this. You see to be an old pro at this recovering stuff, but also have the most comfortable clothes to wear while you are resting and have someone do your laundry for you if you have people to help you. Have things like kleenexes and anything else you can remember that you will need.

As you know very well, it sucks to be so sick and be housebound at the same time. Get a over the coutner sleep aid to help you to relax so you can sleep as much as possible because we heal when we are sleeping. Let your friends know that you will be out of commision while you recover from surgery.

Eat as healthy as you can within reason. It was very hard on me because I live alone and things like laundry and the dishes needed to be done and I just could not keep up with it. Once you begin to start feeling better please do not over do it trying to catch up on all of the things you could not do. Get help if you are able as much as you can.

I do not know about your situation so I am just throwing out ideas at you and I am not trying to patronize you because I think you may well be aware of my ideas and for whatever reason cannot find them useful so please disregard.

One more thing if you have a good friend have them call daily to check on you to see if you need anything and how you are feeling and if they can get you anything. I sure hope that this helps. You must be so very strong to have survived so much sickness and surgeries and be very tough.

Thinking of you and cheering you on. It will be okay.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
 
@Muted thank you. :hug:

@MrMoonlight thank you. I have been very deliberately eating healthy and exercising daily and resting even if I can't sleep, since just before Thanksgiving. Doing so has cut my cholesterol in half, lowered my blood sugar, lowered my blood pressure and heart rate, and I have lost 40 pounds.

I have been amazed at the difference it makes in how I feel. So your advice is solid. Right now, *exercise* for me means walking from one seat to the next. Even short distance leaves me gasping. Typically, I teach martial arts about 3 hours per day and participate as a student at least 2 hours a day, so... Now you eat a tiny bit, and well I will probably be suffering from hand-misplacement-
 
Sending hugs and kind thoughts to you.

Glad that you are feeling a little bit better!

Sorry that I only just found this thread.

:hug::hug::hug::hug:@
 
Home on the couch with the best kitty ever. I feel SO much better than I have for the last 5 days. I had a bowl of oatmeal and it has stayed down happily. There were zero complications during the surgery, and I will do whatever I can to avoid any post-surgery issues.

Pain control has been left to me. I'm using a mix of heat (on my sore back muscles) and ice (on my stomach), as well as Tylenol, Ibuprofen, and prescription meds. I've got just a few hydromorphone for overnight tonight. If I feel like I need more for tomorrow and/or the weekend the surgeon said all I have to do is call her and she'll write for it. I am thinking I'll be back to hydrocodone on a schedule by the end of the weekend (I take it for my leg) so that's hood. I don't like using the heavier opiates. Doing so will only increase the amount I'd need for pain relief. I am tired and have gotten a full 4 hours asleep since very early Saturday morning, because the pain was too much to sleep through. The hydrocodone makes it so I can at least walk on and move my right leg - I can even kick with it. But it was insufficient for the pain I've been I this week.

Nap time. I'm still a bit loopy, and my eyes are getting heavy. I need to stop rambling and take a nice nap.
 
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