Hi I am trying to find out how to find a mentor. My name is Mark, my handle is that of one of my heroes. I am 45. After many misdiagnosis I have finally been diagnosed with complex PTSD. This situation is derived from severe physical abuse from prior to the age of 3 yrs at the hands of my father, until my early teens. It addition, I have suffered numerous traumatic, life threatening events during life. Including, having to risk drowning to save the lives of two others stranded in a flooded river, having only nearly drowned 3 mths earlier. Risking being buried alive to save a man from a snow cave cave-in. Having nearly died twice. Losing my 19yr old live-in girlfriend to cancer when I was 21. Having had to watch my friend burn alive in a plane crash etc. etc. If I went through the full list you would be astounded that I am not completely out of my tree. I am currently receiving pychiatric help, but I am realising that this will not cut it by itself. Because my family was and is so disfunctional I had to grow up really early and to be the adult in the family. Now I am just plain worn out, and am having trouble being the adult anymore. I have lost confidence in myself and my ability to make effective live choices. Despite the fact that I am very tallented. My father isn't a bad man, and we have a good relationship now, but he is unable to fulfill a father-son relationship, it is still me that has to support him. It was me that helped him to deal with his own PTSD. He was a child in London during the blitz and when he was called up into the RAF as a navigator in bomber command he was highly traumatised, and was suffering from PTSD when I was born. If it was up to me only I would chose to end my life today. I have no fear of death. I have faced it too many times, and am used to coping with physical danger and the proximaty of death. However, I have family who love and rely on me. So I somehow have to find the will to continue living for them, not matter how damn hard it is. Does anyone have any suggestions? Many thanks for any suggestion that you may have.