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Searching for clarity

CrzyBl0nd128

New Here
I recently began an internship at an advocacy center for kids. I'm not even sure how I ended up there. How did I pick this one out of the other 30? And how did I not see this coming?
The advocacy center helps kids through trauma. I've been there for 40 hours so far. And my world is falling apart. It's become a trigger for me and I can barely grasp why. I have no memories of sex abuse. I remember having therapy for it til I was 15 and moved away... but I don't remember the therapy sessions.. I don't remember. Why don't I remember? My brother remembers. He is 2 yrs younger than I, but he remembers? Why am I so disconnected with myself? Is it from the drugs? But even my sober moments are vague. I remember being neglected.. but I don't remember being raped. Or exposed to sex. Or molested. Shouldn't I remember that stuff? Is it better that I don't??

Why can I remember some but not what my brother remembers? Why now, is this causing me so much pain and chaos? I grew up addressing this constantly. Why didn't I ever feel then what I feel now??
 
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