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Sufferer Searching for life lessons - childhood abuse & adult rape

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I can hardly believe how hard this is. It's not like I am standing face to face or in front of a crowded room peeling back the layers of protection I have built over the years. This is a good place to start though, right? I don't expect an answer from anyone really. It is a question I have been asking myself for a long time, and I know I am the only one who can answer it. Ha, already a paragraph and I haven't shared a darn thing about myself. That is typical for me. I much rather be the one to listen than to do the talking.

My story is like so many that I have read about here. Childhood abuse, and adult rape. Yuck, I feel sick just saying it, or rather writing it. I have been to counseling off and on over the last 20 years. I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2009 after an attempt at taking my own life. I don't know why it wasn't diagnosed earlier with other counselors and/or doctors. I suppose it was that someone finally took the time to see ME, and not just hand out pills for depression, anxiety, help sleeping, and a a myriad of other disorders.

This thing strengthens and then subsides like the tides of the ocean. I feel out of control some days like a raging storm, and other days I feel almost normal with barely a wave. Ha, "almost normal", what is that? All I know is some days are worse than others.

I am looking for ways to cope, and that is what led me here. Maybe I can learn from others, and possibly along the way, offer something that helps someone else.
 
Thank you @Victory for what you said about validation. That really struck me because to be validated feels to me like acceptance, or as close to it as I can feel. I hate that it comes through those with similar experiences though. That I don't wish on anyone!

I don't have consistent access to a computer or internet, so I apologize this is such a delayed response.
 
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