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Dom Violence Severe ptsd from violent relationships

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Pixielicious

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I was diagnosed with severe PTSD over a yr ago.

I was in two violent relationships, one after the other in a span of 5yrs.

The Dr had prescribed, 30mg mirtazipine, 4x30mg codeine and 40mg propanalol.

5 months ago I went cold turkey and stopped all my medication without telling my dr. I haven't seen a dr since then. The tablets made me fat, manic and suicidal.

But now I'm not coping. I hide away in my home, scared of people, unable to even go out and pay my bills. I only go to the shop when my cupboards are empty, not that I hardly eat anyway. I'm terrified of my flashbacks, and avoid everything just in case I get 'triggered'

My life is a living nightmare and I feel trapped inside my mind and body. I cannot plan anything. Not even a trip to the stores. Because I'm so scared and embarrassed of having a flashback.

I joined this site, hoping that there is at least one other human in this world that is going through the same or similar thing.

I feel so lonely, I don't have family or friends for support.

I can't even remember when was the last time I actually talked to.... Just anyone, because I stay indoors all the time.

Am I looking for a friend/s?

I guess I am.....I Just want one other human to tell me that I'm not the only one suffering like this. Just one. Am crying now feeling like the outcast of society, unable to socialise, unable to have any kind of relationship without scaring them off. My flashbacks and nightmares are horrific....And My reaction to them is even worse....Suicidal Thoughts come and go...the numbing, the anger, the inability to just 'snap' out of PTSD makes me feel that I am trapped inside myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I really don't.
 
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Welcome, @Faeriefire. You so are not alone. I was the same way for a few years before I got my butt to therapy, got diagnosed and onto meds. This beast hit me when I was in my early 40s and I was terrified about what was going on with me and had no idea what was wrong, but I knew something was very wrong. I was shocked when I was diagnosed. Then, eventually, furious. All these @ssholes did all this stuff to me, and now I'm the one left to clean up the mess. Ten years later, I'm still cleaning up the mess. But take heart, it's not all bad. For one thing, I started doing art after I got a bit stabilized. Drastic conditions can sometimes open a space for positive action.

Yeah, the mirtazipine worked great to help me sleep but also made me put on 30-40 lbs, which I couldn't get rid of despite doing only 1,000 calories a day and working out for an hour every morning. Now I'm on 80 mg Propranolol and 40 mg Citalopram, plus clonidine for nightmares.

Hang in there, hon. If you don't see a therapist, please do try. We're here but it really makes a difference to have "real-life" professional support. I know it can be really tough to get in the UK, but please try.
 
Welcome, @Faeriefire. You so are not alone. I was the same way for a few years before I...

I've made a decision to try to open up here first...And next week go to the drs...Thank you for posting what meds you take, cos now I can ask a dr about it. It seems that most drs here are clueless what ptsd even is....I Don't have a dr at all at the moment because I left the surgery my useless Dr was in... But, i do have a surgery near by which I can join... I Just Have to pluck up the courage to do it... And i know I will, when I am ready.
 
It is good that you want to give this place a go first. But it's important to know, that reading the forums can make symptoms worse, especially if you are not in therapy. (because you are reading a lot of *crap* that people are going through, it gets really stressful, especially if you are not in a good place yourself)
If you could, what is the difference between PTSD and Severe PTSD? Who is to say the difference, as that sounds like a comparison sort of diagnosis? (do you mean complex PTSD?)
Welcome to the forums
 
It is good that you want to give this place a go first. But it's important to know, that reading the fo...
I don't know, I first saw a dr who said 'it would seem like you have PTSD but I need to send you to a specialist to be correctly diagnosed' I was then formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist /therapist with severe PTSD....And am still on a waiting list to receive emdr treatment... She said that PTSD ranges from mild to moderate to severe.
My guess is it depends on the symptoms and the trauma that caused it ?
 
@Silver.

You said it sounds like a comparison of diagnosis?
Did you mean that you thought that I was trying to make my PTSD sound more traumatic or more severe than yours for example?

Just trying to understand what you mean.
 
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^^
no, I didn't think you were saying one thing or the other (nor implying you personally were trying to compare)

to me, PTSD is PTSD, and it is sucks no matter what.
It's weird to me that a doctor would say this person has mild PTSD vs this person as moderate PTSD etc.
It seems they would call it PTSD and then symptoms the person is experiencing could be mild to severe, if that makes sense?
 
Aye, makes perfect sense. I'm not a psychiatrist but I'm thinking of for example a finger.
Bruised finger = mild damage
Cut finger = moderate damage
Broken finger = severe damage

Not sure that makes sense, but the reality is that everyone who has been diagnosed with PTSD all have various levels of symptoms of PTSD. It's a very personal and individual thing.
 
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