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Sexual Abuse By Mom?

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Puli

We can chat a bit anonymously. This feels extra shameful, like therapist don't even want to hear about it. But I was physically and sexually abused by my mom. She was a stranger to me...possibly BPD or DID....never an obvious, nurturing Mom. She scared me more than anything in the world. I have had to work through loads of self hatred, body hatred, suicide attempts, trying to take care of myself but not believing I really have the right to exist. Also, I don't have any close relationships...not even sure I want them. It's taking me a long time to realize what effect this stuff has had on my whole life.

Anyone relate? Male or female, molested by mother. How has it been a horrible hurdle for you to recover? I seem lacking in my core, like I can't hold myself up more. I'm on opiates for the related pain. It's pretty crazy deep. If I could crawl into a little shell, behind a rock, I'd feel better.
 
I have met quite a few people who have been sexually abused by their mother. I had a friend at high school, she had been sexually abused by her mother. It is pretty much not allowed to be talked about, though I note that there are people here on this forum that are brave and write about it.

I was sexually abused by my father, it is not the same I know, but I do feel for you.
 
It is that repulsion at any person in a position such as parents, guardians and even babysitters.

For me it was my babysitter who sexually abused me. Groomed and then abused from a very young age.

I know this is not the same as being abused by a parent, I feel that these issues with trust, hated, guilt shame etc, are intrinsic to anyone put in that position of trust either by birthright or placed there by either the authorities or a parent.

Sending (hug)s as well
 
If your therapist is not ok hearing about your trauma, fire your therapist and find one who will be of some use. Clearly this person is not in a position to help you.

I was raped by my dad, not my mom. But I've met other people who were raped by their mothers. You deserve support, help, and care. I'm really sorry.
 
I agree with Zofuc, get rid of your therapist if he doesn't "want to hear about it." That is sad in itself. I can relate to the qualities you state about your mother; mine was the same. And, I did not even realize until recently that she did sexually abuse me - but it was not molestation. She used to wear these real short nightgowns with no underwear. She would walk around the house, in front of me, intentionally, with her vag in plain site. I recall one time she bent over right in front of me. She did other things that were really sick and I'm not comfortable going in to it. I'll summarize, she made fun of my coming of age, very intimate details were mocked and shamed. She shamed my identity. I was adopted as a toddler and I will never understand people that adopt a child only to abuse the hell out of them.
Learning about narcissistic abuse has helped me.
I am a single 30 something mom and I am not sexually active, but after I left home at 16, I had no boundaries when it came to sex or anything. We are lucky to escape these monsters and lucky to live to tell about it. You have to learn to be your own mother and if you have faith in God, let God be your mother. I wish you the best and I am so sorry she did these things to you.
 
I was sexually abused by my step mom who had grandkids my age.. yeah she was like in her 60s when my dad was in his 30s. Its very hard to talk about. I find my T also accidentally confuses it and thinks my real dad sexually abused me instead of her. One day she actually apologized because she realized that it was probably invalidating for her to assume it was the man and not a female.

I was also sexually molested by a female cousin (by marriage, stepdad's cousin's kid) in a shower once. I was like 5 or 6 and she was like 13.

I've also been molested and raped by men... There is something incredibly shameful about the women. The rape though was more recent and really broke the camel's back so to say...
 
First, I support you. Find a therapist who can hang with you, with your trauma.

Secondly, (reality, not an excuse) it is very difficult for most therapists, even if trauma trained, to drop into the horror and (I emphasize-the ALMOST) irreparable damage, of sitting a with client who has been raped by my mother. I have had trauma therapists-who weren't worth their salt, try to change my memory, of the same atrocity. I have had had trauma therapists-who were not worth my co-pay, change the subject, when I want to talk, yell, and cry, about it, to heal.

Thirdly, (please forgive my rant), criticizing a mother, is still against social and religious conventions. And since many therapists themselves are mothers, a female therapist often fails women clients,who were raped by their mothers, or female family members. This compounds the trauma.

Finding the right therapist is key. You deserve to feel held, you deserve to have space to process, without judgment. You deserve to heal; and YOU CAN, if I did.

I say, good for you, me, and the rest, who have found the courage and safety, to speak our truth, to heal our wound. It is though finding those safe and respectful relationships that we heal, ever stronger, after being in the crevasse-where we saw clearly, and then climbing out and going to the top of the mountain, of wholeness-our right.
 
Hey, it's "Puli" again. Thank you everyone. I want to "like" all of these but won't for fear of outing myself. But really, all your words mean a lot.
 
p.s. (still "Puli" but I can't edit as anonymous), I have lots of thoughts and possible responses, but don't want to say any more. but I really appreciate reading what you have written...and sorry for what you all have endured...inspired that you have survived.
 
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