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Sexual Assault Sexually abused by both a male and female

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frogthroat

MyPTSD Pro
Has anyone out there been abused by members of the same sex or both sexes? My male abuser was much more violent than my female abuser even though she was rough too. I'm sometimes still aroused just by the humiliation I felt by the things they did to me. I struggle with sexuality, porn addiction, and fetishes. I've cut down on my porn watching and I'm trying to stop watching it altogether. Sometimes I watch it just so I'm able to cry. This seems like self torture to me. I'm currently unable to have sex or a relationship.
This isn't right but I find myself sometimes thinking she was the "gentler" one even though she would do disgusting things to me including sexually assaulting me in a bathroom stall. I perhaps I think better of her because she would at least sometimes hold me after she would rape me. Reading this as I type it really disturbs me. I wonder if any of you struggle with these things as well?
 
Yup. Try and be gentle with yourself.

It’s different for everyone, but I still get aroused by certain types of fetish. I understand that it’s because my body was taught “this is linked to sexual arousal” when I was young. But it’s still hard to come to terms with.

Self-acceptance and intimate relationships are something I’m approaching seperately. Self-acceptance is something I spend a lot of time just practicing, even when I don’t really feel like it. I steer clear of things that I don’t want to be sexually aroused by - there are things I can be aroused by that don’t link to my trauma in any way. And I’m learning that much like an experimental teen who is figuring out what feels good in safe privacy.

Relationships? Minefield. But again, I’m starting from scratch, trying to stick with things that don’t relate to my trauma, and seem healthy and positive for me. It still feels foreign, and usually doesn’t link to physical arousal for me. Yet.

But the brain is really plastic, so I’m gonna stick with the relearning from scratch. Hope it works out, you know? There’s a lot of damage to be undone, so I think it makes sense that my body is still responding differently to things that are gentle and safe. Hopefully it will learn that gentle and safe can be sexually rewarding!

Hope some of that helps with your journey:)
 
Has anyone out there been abused by members of the same sex or both sexes? My male abuser was much m...
Hi Frogthroat, congrats on being brave & welcome to the community. It is true that we go through some sort of self flagellation, I wrote about this but couldn’t really understand it at the time. The pain, the assaults on our bodies - the humiliation & the suffering of Mind is what we were accustomed to, the wait in anticipation for what we know will come - somehow turns into a form of addiction - it brings a sense of short painful relief that then throws us back into shame - we begin to abuse ourselves in the same way that was done to us at the hands of our perpetrators. The confusion that identifies itself in the sexual dysfunction, lack of self esteem, knowing what’s healthy, what isn’t, what we do like & for what is clearly wrong - boundaries in the bedroom are a different ‘work of art’, having respect for your body & not ‘giving yourself away’ - learning to recognise the value of you & who you choose to give yourself too - this takes a very long time. I shrink away from being touched at times - & it’s taken a long time to be able to start giving free hugs again - but I know they help me as much as hopefully they are needed by others - human touch is so important for healing. A beautiful significant friend gives the most incredible hugs & that’s what you need to find, someone who understands your journey, who gets what you are going through - I can literally drown in those strong arms now. The most important thing is to keep your heart open to love, what you share through the gift of healing, can help many & eradicates the bitterness & hate.
To balance the mind & the body through psychosomatic therapy can help, learning how pain gets stuck in our bodies through the tissues & how the Mind ‘blinds the pain’ - begins the required teaching that to really understand how to heal - you have to be completely ‘opened up’! - acceptance too that you will always be a work in progress allows you to give the self a break. Take good care if you.
 
Wow, that was very eloquently put. I never thought about how you do get accustomed to humiliation and violent sex. I have so many issues with this. I feel like such a pervert much of the time and I'm afraid of romantic relationships. I'm afraid if I let myself have sex then I'll let anyone do whatever they want to me and I'll just start having sex with anyone who pays attention to me. It feels so complicated. As much as I try I can't associate sex with love. Deep down I feel like the only reason someone wants to have sex with you is because they really don't like you and they want to use you.
I keep myself so closed off I believe I come off as strange but I don't know how to calm down and not think the absolute worst will happen.
 
No, you're definitely not alone. I know of and have experienced both genders. It's difficult to get through those thoughts, and I felt responsible for both. I like to think it's rare, but weirdly, it's nice not being alone in it..?
 
Yup... I carry a lot of shame bc of the same sex abuse. Something feels more deviant although my male abuser was far more deviant. I can't enjoy relationships bc of this. It left me very confused and scared that I am just too damaged to mess with. I have allowed it to define me for a very long time. I am working to change that but I find it very hard to discuss in therapy. It is ugly and my thoughts always carry me back to being deviant and awful... ugh!
 
With me too. Groomed by a female (I am female) molested by her and r*ped by her boyfriend. As she was teaching me 'to be an adult'. It has f#cked with my sexuality. Impossible to have romantic relationships. Dissociated during sex and become a robot....I hate it. I feel more hypo sexual then hyper.
 
Yup... I carry a lot of shame bc of the same sex abuse. Something feels more deviant although my male abuser was far more deviant. I can't enjoy relationships bc of this.
I can't have relationships either and this is gross but the thought of a woman dominating me still turns me on but disgusts me. I'm terrified of men but I want women to beat me up. It's something I don't understand. I let older women boss me around. I'm immediately submissive around them. When I was in my early 20's I let a married woman do things to me and slap me around. I know I still would sleep with any woman that gave me the time of day. I like being hurt by them? It's very confusing.
 
I can't have relationships either and this is gross but the thought of a woman dominating me still t...
I am married..lol. Makes me laugh bc I have to make it work for him. It's not his fault that I am broken.. he doesn't know anything..
 
I am married..lol. Makes me laugh bc I have to make it work for him. It's not his fault that I am broken...
I don't think you're broken at all just hurting. If you told him I think he would do his best to understand. He's your husband afterall. I'm sure you would have all the empathy in the world for him if he told you he had been raped by a man at some point.
 
Has anyone out there been abused by members of the same sex or both sexes? My male abuser was much m...
Yes...I have been abused and raped by someone of the same sex.....I have often wondered how it has effected me to carry a relationship with my partner . Sex now is more of a chore and a motion ...always thinking of the rape of the man.....and his father....who both raped me over time of 6 years taking my childhood in 3 rd grade to 8 th grade...BESTRONG your not alone...
 
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