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Share Your Thoughts, Philosophies, and Memoirs

Discussion in 'Social' started by Marilyn_S, Mar 14, 2007.

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  1. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    I wrote this on Sep. 4th, 2005

    In the wake of the current hurricane disaster in Louisiana, I find myself bombarded with pictures of the true human drama that existed long before the destruction of nature ever took its toll. Statistics about Louisiana given during media coverage denote the disproportionate percentage of African American people living in poverty. Very little mention was given to how poverty has affected their ability to escape the dangerous environment left by the hurricane. Nor was there any mention of how generational poverty is linked to learned helplessness, low self worth, and criminal behavior. Instead the media chose to elaborate extensively on the looting, chaos, and sporadic violence that has occurred. It was somewhat ironic to me that the long standing strident disparity of socioeconomic status among minority people in Louisiana drew no attention during interviews with selected African American spokes-persons. The focus instead was on the language used by the media to describe the situation and its victims, such as the use of the word refugees rather than victims. There is a great deal of truth in these observations. Language is a very powerful curator of connotation. However, should the focus be upon racist semantics or should it be upon the inherent racism in America’s political and economic systems that serve as a foundation for the perpetuation of poverty among African American people in Louisiana and throughout urban areas in the United States. Perhaps this arduous and convoluted phenomenon in humanity strikes feelings of powerlessness even in those African American’s who have managed by sheer tenacity, intellect, and drive to rise above the degradation of poverty. :think:
     
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  3. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    On Race and Racism from memoirs of 2006

    “On Race and Racism”
    When people talk about race they usually refer to skin color, national origin, or classification of people in categories based on genetic traits. Racism is usually defined in terms of a belief that systematically labels people as inferior based upon their skin color. The original connotation of this social phenomenon is narrowly bound to beliefs surrounding color, and or physical traits. However, there exists a system of stigmatic and dehumanizing societal beliefs not just associated with biological traits but also, class, sex, personal abilities or inabilities and sexual orientation. It would be accurate to say that the context that historically and most vividly drew human attention to the phenomenon of racism is color. However, this incipit conceptualization does little to explain prejudice and discriminatory behavior toward people that is not related to supposed skin color or genetic traits.
    Race in any language is perhaps the most complex word in the human vocabulary. It is also the most misunderstood and abused word. Although distorted by historic rhetoric, and procured for the solicitation of injustice, the word race is perhaps the only appropriate word to use when making an effort to define all of humanity because it is the only word indicative of the struggle we all experience in running toward our own mortality.
    However, there are a number of ingrained societal beliefs that carry with them specific connotative vocabularies. These beliefs serve as a foundation for individual, group, social, and political behavior that denies certain groups of human beings basic rights. Although color is perhaps the most obvious trait utilized to perpetuate degrading language and discriminatory behavior, it is certainly not the only utilized trait. Among others are: obesity, poverty, mental retardation, mental illness, age, gender, physical appearance, and physique. In the context of modern technological society, a trend has developed toward language and vocabulary that suggests political correctness. The words and phrases developed from this trend have specific objective and denotative origins that are established as required learning for individuals in the professional working class.
    In consideration of the arduous complexities of human experience, the most prominent aspect of our perceptual world is our conceptualization of language both verbal and non verbal and the levels both engrained and superficial in which we experience it. Language is no simple experience. It is who we are, how we feel, what we believe, and how we think. It is what we see, hear, taste, smell, and touch, both real and imagined. It is the foundation of our creativity both verbal and nonverbal. In essence, language is the soul of humanity. It is both an awesome blessing and a foreboding curse.
     
  4. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    My Thoughts on Change Toward Increased Efficacy in Human Service Systems

    I have came up with an idea that I believe has potential to become a reality. Though I am sure the idea is floating around out there in other people's minds as well the idea is, Family Health Rehabilitation Services. The preface to this idea is grounded in the following current facts and theoretical paradigms:

    State Medicaid budgets in the USA currently pay large sums of money to masters level counselors and social workers to provide families with weekly family therapy and/or child therapy that are largely unmonitored in reference to their level of efficacy in reducing recidivism of child welfare cases.

    The current paradigm of practice for most of the professionals providing the therapy appears to be the psychiatric or medical model in which therapeutic practice is based upon diagnosis and treatment of a psychiatric disorder utilizing either a humanistic or a cognitive-behavioral therapeutic modality.

    A growing body of research has begun to substantiate a redefinition of mental disorders and impaired family functioning as being more grounded in ecological and systemic factors rather than just the interplay of an individual’s internal conflicts resulting from his/her diagnosed mental disorder. This research suggests that there are spheres of influence governing an individuals mental health and overall functioning. These spheres include Family and Social Support, Community, Society, Legality, Polity, and Global Cosmology.

    One aspect of a person’s mental health that is often downplayed or overlooked is their existence as a person past, present, and future. If these dimensional factors are not address then a person may continue to re-experience past trauma both cognitively and physically. This uncontrolled and unwitting re-experience can translate into a person experiencing low self worth and a future outlook ridden with anxiety and learned helplessness.
     
  5. map9

    map9 Active Member

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    Dear Marilyn, I have first hand information and experience regarding the effects of hurricanes. I would like to discuss them but am finding it most difficult to do so. I think I will log off now and have a good cry, then do some housework and maybe log back on when I'm feeling a bit better. I now acknowledge that this has a very real affect on my demeanor. Our home was not totally destroyed but we suffered water damage. We had to sell off a lot of things to rebuild, we are one of the fortunate ones who had savings, many did not. Insurance was little or NO help at all. I am feeling much anger for this fact alone. I'm sorry but I have to go. Love, map9
     
  6. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    Learned Helplessness (as defined by "Dictionary of Psychology" by J.P. Chaplin, Ph.D.) A condition following a number of bad experiences, where an individual believes he/she is helpless to control external events in their life.

    I am sharing this because I used the term in my last post. I would also like to eventually share some of the research references to my bulleted ideas. I have alot of stuff floating around in this head of mine. Being out of school right now I've a lack of folks to share some of my ideas with.
     
  7. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    My Race is “Woman” My Ethnicity “Shame”
    (This is an essay written by me in a modality of dramatic sarcasm and is not intended to induce or inflict shame, guilt, or blame on anyone who may be reading it)
    This is a disclaimer. I am including this disclaimer with the following passage because I believe it is important for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to realize that the rhetoric of our culture can profoundly affect the way we view ourselves. In the language of subtleties, and sometimes not so subtleties, the following occur:
    Women are devalued as mere objects of sexual pleasure in advertisements, movies, and live comedy.
    The fundamental belief that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people prevails.
    And a fictional good and safe world fantasy blinds our society from the reality that most children are not sexually preyed upon by weird strangers or x-convicts but rather fathers, step fathers, brothers, uncles, and in some instances even mothers.
    Because these engrained misnomers exist, what I write here is written in rhetorical format that almost boarders on sarcasm. It is not intended for anyone who reads this to develop a negative identity of shame. Rather it is intended to elaborate upon the common struggles many people face who have experienced sexual abuse.
    While in line to pay for automobile fuel one day I happened to glance down at the local Sunday paper. On the first page was a street map of my county of residence and the bold headline superimposed over it read, “Predators”. My first reaction was humorous. I imagined the story to be about some vicious outbreak of head lice in the schools, or an invasion of funky looking extra terrestrial game hunters. To my disdain, the story was about something much more grim and sinister than anything my mind wished to contemplate or remember. Underneath the bold headline was a small subtitle which read, “Sexual Offenders May Be Closer to You, Your Child’s School Than You Might think”. I felt my heart sink as though it were being immersed in boiling hot oil. Many questions plagued my mind. Why are these people called offenders and not sexual criminals? Why are they walking the streets and not locked up? Why are they left with the opportunity to woo, dazzle, capture, then prey upon some hapless, venerable, dependent woman and her small children, thus repeating the whole vicious cycle of horror again? Do people not understand? It is not strange children these so called offenders seek to devastate. It is the children that end up living in the same house with them.
    After gaining control of my own emotional pain and spending time intellectually contemplating the whole event, I have come to some conclusions that have drawn me toward an understanding of my own social identity. From this point on my race is no longer Native American but rather, “Woman“. When ask what my ethnicity is my response will be that my ethnicity is, “Shame“. This shift in my personal identity is because I am part of a group of human beings that American culture does not want to acknowledge, address, assist, or value. Although within this group there may be people of the male gender, they are still of the race “Woman“. This unique reference to race is because men who survive sexual abuse and do not become perpetrators themselves carry scars derived from the hidden societal belief that sexual abuse only happens to, “The Weaker Vessel”. Those men who as adults become perpetrators in many instances do so in order to act out the power of their gender by forcefully asserting the strength of their sexuality upon those who seem weaker. Thus, a vicious but silent and invisible cycle is perpetuated.
    People of the ethnicity Shame are defined by their invisibility, silent emotional pain, life numbing residual trauma, and lack of acknowledgement. We are labeled and stereotyped, psychotic, borderline personality disorder, dissociationist, and obsessive. In reality we are tenacious, strong willed, spirited, survivors who choose to live in spite of the trauma that plagues us, and in spite of the unspoken shame society places upon us. We belong to the ethnicity “Shame” not because we chose to be part of it but because we were victims of a crime most Americans do not want to think about, discuss, acknowledge, understand, or fight. We are usually unable to talk about our pain, trauma, or past because to do so would only cause more emotional shame. When we try to open up, trust others and reveal the torment of our souls we are most often responded to with statement’s such as, “that happened such a long time ago” or “what you really need to do is just let go of the past and put it behind you”. By psychiatrist and even some professional counselors we are diagnosed, medicated, and told to let go of our past by learning methods to put aside or let go off the things we obsess about. What these deleterious social supports fail to understand is that survivors do not choose to cling to the past, nor do most of us try to use it as an excuse to become dysfunctional. It is our past trauma that clings tenaciously to us taking on a life of its own in our very soul as we arduously continue on our journey through life doing the best we can to cope day by day and each in our own way despite the continued victimization perpetrated upon us by society.
    There are a number of examples of this societal phenomenon that ring clear in both the religious realm and the mental health profession. If one were to do a study that examined the information contained in psycho-social evaluations conducted at inpatient mental health facilities, the results of this study would most likely suggest that very little information about a patient’s early childhood and adolescent social life is documented. My foundation for this plausible hypothesis comes from having worked in the mental health field as a case manager and from my personal experience with inpatient hospitalization. In 1998 I worked as a youth targeted case manager for a local community mental health center. The people I was assigned to assist were children and adolescents struggling with severe emotional disturbances. Ironically, there was little if any information about the social systems in the clients’ lives. I remember only one chart that contained information about sexual abuse and it involved a client that was only five years old. Her father had sexually abused her then moved to another state to avoid possible prosecution. Despite the fact that many of these young client’s reported having been abused, most of the information contained in their charts was related to their school problems and/or their behavioral problems at home. It was as though the topic of sexual abuse was a taboo even if discussion and documentation of such dialogue would assist in the healing of these young clients.
    In 2002 I fell prey to a deep and foreboding depression that resulted in my voluntary inpatient hospitalization. The crisis that precipitated this event in my life was directly related to my history of having been sexually abused by my biological father and my half brother. I had always in my own words, “just fluffed it off”. I began having nightmares and horrible flashing daytime memory bits. The morning after being admitted to the hospital I met with a very mild mannered and pleasant young psychiatrist. He conducted an assessment of me by asking me a battery of questions. As I began to briefly elaborate upon my crisis he asked me if I had a professional counselor. I replied yes. His response to my answer was perhaps more painful and embarrassing than having to be hospitalized. Without hesitation he said, “You need to be careful about some counselors. They’ll have you go on and on about the past when what you really need to do is just get over the past and go on with your life.” His statement rang in my head even after I was released five days later. Although I became even more determined to develop a support system, achieve personal growth, and begin healing, my emotional response to his statement was feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, and deep shame. I tried to utilize cognitive skills I had learned during my undergraduate education. But my fight against self debasing thoughts about my inability to, “put the past behind me” continued to plague my mind for some time.
    After my release from the hospital I decided to see a new counselor. I began seeing the LPC whose practice was a ministry of my church. She referred me to her support group for adult survivors. The group worked out of a book and a workbook.
    The author of the book asserted that change toward healing for survivors of sexual abuse involves the following three things:
    An open heart that acknowledges the damage of victimization and the reactive self
    Repentance - a humble heart that enters the damage we have done to ourselves, others, …
    Bold love that pursues a passionate relationship with others.
    In retrospect it is obvious this author does not understand, it is not the survivors of childhood sexual abuse who seek to keep their trauma a secret. It is American society that perpetuates “societal comfort” by shaming survivor’s into silence. It is also evident in these assertions that the survivor is responsible for his/her own lack of life skills acquisition. It is so easy to blame the survivor by proclaiming that they are responsible for their own pain when in reality, most survivors have on one or more occasions tried to share their stories and acquire support only to meet with diagnosis, labels, lack of empathy, and complete misunderstanding. In these simple assertions survivors are unrealistically expected to develop self affirming, self reassuring, and socially acceptable interpersonal skills we have neither been taught or role modeled. We are expected to trust others to assist in our own healing despite the fact that the chasm of our trauma is often widened by the efforts of well meaning but inexperienced and uninformed friends, family, clergy and/or mental health professionals. It need be understood that survivors of childhood sexual abuse have not just been taught to be silent by the perpetrators. We have also been bound to silence by a culture that would rather link our healing or lack there of to the survivor’s efforts alone.
    It must become a reality to those who seek to be a true support to survivors that one or more of the people in whom we placed our trust violated us by using us for their own sexual gratification. It may have happened before we could even remember, leaving us physically scarred for life. Or, it may have happened when we were in preschool, elementary school, or high school. Some of us have even experienced this victimization as adults. In any case, the “Shame” is upon us. It is our secret and we are encouraged to leave it that way. We are thus, very self conscious because we know in spite of our invisibility, everyone sees our damage. The crimes committed against us were rape, theft, bodily harm, emotional terror, and fraud all rolled up into one big secret. Watergate is small in comparison. However, because we are of the race “Woman“, we are not given the power by society to convict the criminals who committed these crimes against us. I have never heard of a step dad, dad, brother, uncle, grandfather or mother being impeached from their position of freedom for having committed the crime of sexual abuse. Most of these criminals are granted the freedom to repeat their battery of secret crimes.
    The inherent secrecy of the ethnicity “Shame” is evident in many aspects of our social life. However, one of the most poignant examples of this in my life involves my educational pursuits. One year into my graduate education in social work the stark reality of society‘s discomfort with addressing the problem of childhood sexual abuse became ever more evident. Given the qualities of this profession, the topic of social problems is a common discussion. During these discussions I found myself longing to discuss my own experiences. My longing not deriving from efforts of self validation or even therapeutic reprise but rather to work toward enlightening my cohort to the reality of this plague. The topic of child abuse and domestic violence should be appropriate social dilemmas to address in a classroom of social work. However, as in most other facets of our society the discussion of childhood sexual abuse was met with discomfited stares and awkward silences. When I even cautiously ventured to openly verbalize my own personal life I was very quickly shut down. With both verbal and non verbal signals I was told that my personal experiences are to be kept to myself. Would it have been the same if I were Jewish and wanted to discuss my experiences with being a survivor of the holocaust? Would it have been the same if I were African American and wished to talk about my experiences with a white supremacist? What if I had mentioned that I was physically abused as a child? In any of these cases, some of which had been discussed at length, it appeared quite appropriate to mention personal experience. What this avoidance communicated to me is that sexual abuse is to be kept secret. It is not to be spoken of openly in any context. It was as though by discussing my history of childhood sexual abuse I was violating the boundary of comfort of those around me. If even in the educational setting of Social Work it is not welcomed to discuss one’s personal experiences and the experiences of others having been sexually abused as children, how is it that society as a whole will begin to address the reality of this formidable and enigmatic social dilemma?
    As I write these words I long for a day when both myself and others will not have to keep our childhood trauma silent but will experience the empowering freedom to place the shame on our perpetrators. I long for the day when we can openly discuss, in detail, the horrific crimes that were committed against us without being hushed, questioned, or labeled. I long for the day when it is the criminals on whom the shame is placed and we can pride in changing the name of our ethnicity from “Shame” to what ever group of people we desire to identify ourselves with.
    In conclusion, “Shame” is the only ethnicity in existence that should not be called by its name but rather, it should be called, “Survivors“. We need not be labeled with a stigmatizing diagnosis, medicated, institutionalized, rejected, and/or covered up. Healing for survivors of childhood sexual abuse is not a process involving the repair of a damaged soul. It is the process of de-weeding, de-bugging, and fertilizing a potentially beautiful garden that has been recklessly planted with bad seed and erosive pests by a deceitful garden perpetrator and maintained by a haplessly blind comfort seeking society. With a voice of both advocacy and urgency I speak on behalf of myself and fellow survivors, if you know someone who is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse don’t put on your fix it hat. The only thing you will end up fixing is your own comfort level. Don’t invalidate someone’s traumatic experiences by telling them it is in the past and all they really need to do is put it behind them and forge ahead. You can’t heal an infected wound by forgetting it ever existed. And don’t think you have to be a trained mental health professional to be a good help and support! I was once told by someone I care about and respect very deeply, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do to help you! You’re over my head.” My reply to him was simple. I said, “All you really need to do is be willing to listen, care, and be there.” I hope that someday this will be read by millions and that those millions will come to realize that the origin of this passage is not a single faint cry for help but rather the unified cry of millions of people who are survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
     
  8. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    “Cultural Traits of the Ethnic Group Shame"
    (This is an essay written by me in a modality of dramatic sarcasm and is not intended to induce or inflict shame, guilt, or blame on anyone who may be reading it)

    Cultural traits within the ethnic group Shame are not confined to the constraints of a particular geographic location. Nor are they easy to depict among the plethora of hidden innuendos prevalent in the dominant culture. This invisibility of cultural traits is because of the chastisement that is subtly bequeathed upon the benefactors of stalwart expression. Whether in art, poetry, song, dance, attire, language or daily behavior, the expression of one’s identity as Shame is unacceptable if not shadowed or camouflaged by depictions of personal strength or socially acceptable human struggles. The most ironic aspect of this cultural phenomenon is that even the expression of struggle associated with the consequences of one’s own behavior are more socially accepted than the expression of Shame. Another complexity that befalls the expression of these cultural traits is the fact that so many other ethnic groups, minority groups, and subcultures experience emotional shame. The difference lies in one’s ability to openly express this shame when associated with other social groups. One’s association with having been sexually violated, victimized, and traumatized must always remain a secret. The invisibility and secrecy of Shame are the most strident cultural traits of the ethnic group Shame.
    As someone of Shame, I have come to realize that my ethnicity, much like other ethnicities, is linked to my familial heritage. My mother was also a member of Shame. Her father sexually assaulted her when she was only twelve years old. He intermittently fondled her, made crude remarks about her body, and treated her like an object rather than a human being. These events continued in her life until adulthood, at which time she married an unfaithful and physically abuse man.
     
  9. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    Now after sharing this stuff I feel the need to convey my oppinion regarding sexual abuse survivors. Many people say we just need to "Put it behind oneself" or "Quit feeling sorry for oneself", or "Quit having a pitty party". I would like to state (IN MY OPPINION) how cruel and insensitive I think this is. However unwhitting it may be, many of us folks who have been labeled "Survivors" have PTSD Chronic Delayed and the blame being placed on us for being hurt and confused only serves to create more pain and lack of trust. I realize, believe it or not, more than most as I have worked in social services, it is very important to have ones main focus be healing and not disease or cause. However, there is a big difference in focusing on one's desease to get pity and attention and focusing on one's trauma to gain insight and acquire healing. There are three terms that do differentiate the type and extent of help people require for their PTSD: these terms are: frequency-intensity-duration. This is not to down play anybody's trauma. However, when a person such as myself is seeking help it is much more complicated because I am 39 years old and lived in severe trauma and abuse for 29 years of my life. This abuse was intense, frequent, and the duration was long enough to impact major aspects of my life and personal functioning for a very long time. I am just now getting to where I can put my trauma in words. Before going online to this forum I talked with trusted folks about the abuse many times resulting in situations that caused greater pain and lack of trust in my life. I am glad to be here and hope my words do not offend anyone as they are not intended to do so. They are just words from my heart.
     
  10. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    The 4 Agreements by Don M. Ruiz

    1.) Be impeccable with your word:
    Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using words to speak against yourself or others. Use the power of your words in the direction of truth and wisdom.
    2.) Don't take anything personally:
    Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality...When you are immune to the actions of others you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
    3.) Don't make assumptions:
    Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, saddness, and drama.
    4.) Always do your best:
    Your best is going to change from moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self judgement, self abuse, and regret.
     
  11. Linda

    Linda Well-Known Member

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    Dear Marilyn,
    bilogically, there are unexpectidelly little difference between races. Basically, those differences are limited to skin migmentation and some genes responsible for the physical features. The difference in genotypes made by the environment of living creatures.
    Let me explain this.
    Let's say, there is a population of butterflies, all are different colors: green. red, blue and so on. Guess which ones will be less visiable in green grass? Exactly! Those butterflies will have advantage over others in lifespan and leaving offspring.
    Same thing is happening with people. In fact, if you test the highland African and highland European populations, you will find more genetic similarities between them than between highland African and valley African populations. Is is not well undetstood how come all races have different colors and facial features, but now sciensists came up with the definition of race. Races are subdivisions os a species, which have little genetic differences but are geographycally distinct. Unlike subspecies, which have more genetic differences, than races, but may inhabitate the same geographic area. In Homo sapience, there are races, but no subspecies, if you do not want to se chimps as such :wink: Also, it is a great deal of diversity between each race (for instance, it is pretty easy to distingues a typical Russian person form a typical Italian person, although both belong to the same race). In Russia, we had a small black population, the people who are African students, professionals, sportsmen, and visitor, who married Russians and stayed. Thier children are thus mixed African-Russians. I did have a couple like this in a heigbourhood. There was a Russian woman and an Ethiopian man, both doctors, and thier two kids. The man did speak with an accent and did follow some tradition from his country. But the kids were behaving totally like Russians.
    This is a perfect ezample that the race really does not matter if you do not pay specific attention to it.
    Some people, however, think that belongness to the certain race makes them better than others. Some can even invent their belongness to the mythical race, such as "Aryan". Those people are referred to as racists. A racist can be of any color and any race, for example, someone believing in white supremacy is a racist, and someone believing in black power is a racist as well. I feel that no form of racism should be tolerated in a healthy society.
    Thus, I realy do not think tah the word "race" can be ralated to anything but what is the most obvious - biological features of a certain race. Whatever else, the further subdivision into categories like those you had indicated, has nothing to do with heridetary difference in genotypes which is a property for the large popularion.

    Also.
    I came in the US from Russia without a penny in my pocket. Now, I am a CVT.
    My husband came to the US from Nicaragua illigaly and without a penny in his pocket. Now, he drives a big truck.
    My friend Sylvia came from Nigeria without a penny in her pocket. Now, she is a nurse.
    Sorry, but just from seeing those and other examples of pfople coming to the US extremely poor and without English (I could not say a word when just came), I just do not buy those "poverty" things. In the US, everyone can make a discent level of living if he/she wants to.

    In what is related to the sexual abuse isuue - here I agree with you.
    I had a friend who had been raped when was a kid, and she had expressed all the cultural traits of Shame... It is so easily recognised.
    Especially, in Russia, she could not share that with anyone, since she would be ridiculed about that... Hell, I remember the people talking that this never happens to "good girls", but at the same time every woman new that it actually does.
    I remember the women being blamed in being raped, since they went somewhere late, or were too undressed, or something else.
    You was raped?
    SHAME on you!
    I thing this topic is very important for many women, since the problem is more common that we think of it.
    I remember that there was a sexual predator in my area, and our men had beaten him up so bad that I guess that he will never be able to predate. However, any of those same men would blame his female relative inbeing uncareful. Or, this very same man will treat women as "good ones which can be wives", and "bad ones, just for pleasure". I always hated this double standard.

    But had you thought abotu one more thing?
    I thing, that for men who were abused sexually, things are ever worse.
     
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