PTSD bullets included but not limited to:
-Born to teen mother; 2 months early in ambulance in a blizzard; believe she was trying to get rid of me but it caused birth; she told doctors she was riding a stationary bicycle-don't believe it
-Biological father did a bad heroin deal and the receivers were coming after me to kill me as an infant to get back at him; my parents moved 4 hours away
-my mom tried to kill my bio father with a cast iron frying pan; he ran out the door
-at 2y had an experience that i remember with my mom and a boyfriend fighting; i hid under toilet with a dog-they kept coming in to clean blood off faces and body and left blood around and on a soaked towel-hate the color red, blood triggers me but i deal
-at 3y lived with family; not mother in another state
-4y lived with mother; boyfriends lived with us; different ones
-5yr some memories of friends and kindergarten; my mother met my stepdad. My mother had possible cancer; traveled 3,000 miles by plane alone with layovers but a stewardess helped me, to stay with family for her surgery.
-6y remember teachers and friends at school and church; not a ton of memories but feel they are blacked out but stored. My mother was abusive physically; hitting, kicking,pulling out my hair when swinging me by my long hair against walls or throwing me down flights of stairs, kicking me up them then throwing me down again. she would violently shake me and suffocate me with her hand and pillows. i was locked in my room and only let out to have dinner; which was always a fight and to say goodnight and occasional tv show. the abuse would last from 1-4 hours every day except Christmas and some birthdays or when i was at a friend's house or church or camp. Loved camp and was there for 2 wks every year till teens then 4 wks, 6 wks and 9 wks at 16yrs old; did horsebackriding, sailing, boating, gymnastics. Loved church; was always a lead in plays; tons of fun and nice people; they would pick me up and drop me off and i went frequently which gave me chance to get away along with my friends houses on weekends; at least one night usually a week. Was abused emotionally-constantly- i hate you; wish you were never born, don't look at me like your father, i used to hang you over a toilet to make you stop crying. She would also tickle me til i was crying. was always trying to pass me off to everyone. We were poor so didn't have the greatest or amount of food or quality.
-Had a drowning experience at one point in the ocean; i thought i was going to die and gave up fighting but my mother rescued me and punched out the lifeguard.
-She also almost ran over 3 girls that were pulling my hair on the way home from school; they kept saying they wanted my hair.
-She would get asked for a form of ID at dept stores and would say I have a gun permit; that should work; i thought so-like she was threatening them-drove me crazy
5--15y watched my friends brother get hit by a car-he made it.
-saw a girl get dragged by a motorcycle; think she made it.
-was in a few small car accidents as a child
-hit an artery with a soup can lid; had stitches; blood everywhere
-got one 1/2 my cheek bit off by a dog; told everyone i got hit by a grenade and they believed me ; they had to later put him down cuz he bit 2 other kids bad
-15y- Abuse longer and more severe. Moved to an isolated camp cabin so " the neighbors won't hear you scream when i hit you". Had several head injuries about 15 and sometimes there was blood in my sclera, black eyes-i lied..she threatened to harm people if i told and threatened foster care where they will rape you. your stepdad knows the police so it won't do any good to tell; i'll tell them you are hurting me.
-had neighbors in projects( went back and forth between project apt and cabin of step-dad) would always have to fight them on way to school or home or a doberman wouldn't let go of my heel; was very athletic and the neighbors would make me fight other neighbors to watch
-had a breakin on Christmas eve where they left hunting knives on the counter and went through our underclothes drawers
- an instance of sexual abuse by a friends father
-chased me with her car in a corn field trying to run me over and catch me
- some older neighbors pulled me aside and were throwing knives at me; like magicians at a lady to see if they would hit me
-always, every day afraid of dying from the abuse on my friends and teachers.
-threatened with machete; she would use
- attempted rape i got out of
- a neighbor kept banging on our door saying he was going to kill me but i ran out the front door and hid at a friend's house
-my mother made me call her mommie dearest after that movie
-suicidal; afraid i was gonna snap and lose it big time on my mother
-16yr- ran away; jumped out 3 story window onto boards with nails on them and ran through woods til i came to a house and hid in the snow for about 30 min then knocked on the lady's door; she wanted to call an ambulance; i was all black and blue and had been fighting for over 4hours; she kept trying to strangle me and give me head injuries; pulled a knife on me and threatened to shoot me in my sleep with her gun my head felt 75 pounds and was squishy on top. i called a friend who's mom came and got me-didn't want the hospital cuz of questions and head hurt
-my mother was abusing my stepdad physically too
-promiscuous and suicidal, doing drugs; lots of MJ..
-ran away with 2 friends and the police were chasing us and it was november (cold); broke into high school to stay warm; police came several times and finally caught us as we were running out; swarms of cop cars, went to jail for night and court in am; put on probation for 6months; at first they thought i was a bad teen until my mother threatened to kill the social worker; then they said they'd sign any emancipation forms. The judge said i didn't have to live with her. I gave her 2 wks but she kept at it; I ran away again across country for my senior year to live with family
-first day of school a girl threatened to kill me because her boyfriend was looking at me and people said she will cuz she is a member of the krips or bloods; can't remember which
Great year til graduation; popular and well liked still.
-was in a serious car accident
-my mother said she had cancer and i went back to take care of her but after my friends picked me up at the airport and i called her she said I couldn't stay with her; homeless but remembered a friend's number and called and was able to stay at her house.
-was going to join the Army but didn't want to be a nurse, jump out of a plane or join during a war cuz i felt like i just got out of one; i joined, was sworn in but got out of it cuz they couldn't get me a job they promised in military police-but the guy who was helping me lose 6 lbs for the army like a boyfriend, got jealous when i was with my guy best friend and pulled a machete to my neck and threatened to kill me but my best friend said he'd go after him with others if necessary so he stopped.
- had fun with friends til a friend died on the way to a get together I was having; felt guilty and PTSD hit me full force; had symptoms already but it went real bad. I wasn't ever aloud to cry too much growing up and i just started crying when my friend died and it ruined me.
-Born to teen mother; 2 months early in ambulance in a blizzard; believe she was trying to get rid of me but it caused birth; she told doctors she was riding a stationary bicycle-don't believe it
-Biological father did a bad heroin deal and the receivers were coming after me to kill me as an infant to get back at him; my parents moved 4 hours away
-my mom tried to kill my bio father with a cast iron frying pan; he ran out the door
-at 2y had an experience that i remember with my mom and a boyfriend fighting; i hid under toilet with a dog-they kept coming in to clean blood off faces and body and left blood around and on a soaked towel-hate the color red, blood triggers me but i deal
-at 3y lived with family; not mother in another state
-4y lived with mother; boyfriends lived with us; different ones
-5yr some memories of friends and kindergarten; my mother met my stepdad. My mother had possible cancer; traveled 3,000 miles by plane alone with layovers but a stewardess helped me, to stay with family for her surgery.
-6y remember teachers and friends at school and church; not a ton of memories but feel they are blacked out but stored. My mother was abusive physically; hitting, kicking,pulling out my hair when swinging me by my long hair against walls or throwing me down flights of stairs, kicking me up them then throwing me down again. she would violently shake me and suffocate me with her hand and pillows. i was locked in my room and only let out to have dinner; which was always a fight and to say goodnight and occasional tv show. the abuse would last from 1-4 hours every day except Christmas and some birthdays or when i was at a friend's house or church or camp. Loved camp and was there for 2 wks every year till teens then 4 wks, 6 wks and 9 wks at 16yrs old; did horsebackriding, sailing, boating, gymnastics. Loved church; was always a lead in plays; tons of fun and nice people; they would pick me up and drop me off and i went frequently which gave me chance to get away along with my friends houses on weekends; at least one night usually a week. Was abused emotionally-constantly- i hate you; wish you were never born, don't look at me like your father, i used to hang you over a toilet to make you stop crying. She would also tickle me til i was crying. was always trying to pass me off to everyone. We were poor so didn't have the greatest or amount of food or quality.
-Had a drowning experience at one point in the ocean; i thought i was going to die and gave up fighting but my mother rescued me and punched out the lifeguard.
-She also almost ran over 3 girls that were pulling my hair on the way home from school; they kept saying they wanted my hair.
-She would get asked for a form of ID at dept stores and would say I have a gun permit; that should work; i thought so-like she was threatening them-drove me crazy
5--15y watched my friends brother get hit by a car-he made it.
-saw a girl get dragged by a motorcycle; think she made it.
-was in a few small car accidents as a child
-hit an artery with a soup can lid; had stitches; blood everywhere
-got one 1/2 my cheek bit off by a dog; told everyone i got hit by a grenade and they believed me ; they had to later put him down cuz he bit 2 other kids bad
-15y- Abuse longer and more severe. Moved to an isolated camp cabin so " the neighbors won't hear you scream when i hit you". Had several head injuries about 15 and sometimes there was blood in my sclera, black eyes-i lied..she threatened to harm people if i told and threatened foster care where they will rape you. your stepdad knows the police so it won't do any good to tell; i'll tell them you are hurting me.
-had neighbors in projects( went back and forth between project apt and cabin of step-dad) would always have to fight them on way to school or home or a doberman wouldn't let go of my heel; was very athletic and the neighbors would make me fight other neighbors to watch
-had a breakin on Christmas eve where they left hunting knives on the counter and went through our underclothes drawers
- an instance of sexual abuse by a friends father
-chased me with her car in a corn field trying to run me over and catch me
- some older neighbors pulled me aside and were throwing knives at me; like magicians at a lady to see if they would hit me
-always, every day afraid of dying from the abuse on my friends and teachers.
-threatened with machete; she would use
- attempted rape i got out of
- a neighbor kept banging on our door saying he was going to kill me but i ran out the front door and hid at a friend's house
-my mother made me call her mommie dearest after that movie
-suicidal; afraid i was gonna snap and lose it big time on my mother
-16yr- ran away; jumped out 3 story window onto boards with nails on them and ran through woods til i came to a house and hid in the snow for about 30 min then knocked on the lady's door; she wanted to call an ambulance; i was all black and blue and had been fighting for over 4hours; she kept trying to strangle me and give me head injuries; pulled a knife on me and threatened to shoot me in my sleep with her gun my head felt 75 pounds and was squishy on top. i called a friend who's mom came and got me-didn't want the hospital cuz of questions and head hurt
-my mother was abusing my stepdad physically too
-promiscuous and suicidal, doing drugs; lots of MJ..
-ran away with 2 friends and the police were chasing us and it was november (cold); broke into high school to stay warm; police came several times and finally caught us as we were running out; swarms of cop cars, went to jail for night and court in am; put on probation for 6months; at first they thought i was a bad teen until my mother threatened to kill the social worker; then they said they'd sign any emancipation forms. The judge said i didn't have to live with her. I gave her 2 wks but she kept at it; I ran away again across country for my senior year to live with family
-first day of school a girl threatened to kill me because her boyfriend was looking at me and people said she will cuz she is a member of the krips or bloods; can't remember which
Great year til graduation; popular and well liked still.
-was in a serious car accident
-my mother said she had cancer and i went back to take care of her but after my friends picked me up at the airport and i called her she said I couldn't stay with her; homeless but remembered a friend's number and called and was able to stay at her house.
-was going to join the Army but didn't want to be a nurse, jump out of a plane or join during a war cuz i felt like i just got out of one; i joined, was sworn in but got out of it cuz they couldn't get me a job they promised in military police-but the guy who was helping me lose 6 lbs for the army like a boyfriend, got jealous when i was with my guy best friend and pulled a machete to my neck and threatened to kill me but my best friend said he'd go after him with others if necessary so he stopped.
- had fun with friends til a friend died on the way to a get together I was having; felt guilty and PTSD hit me full force; had symptoms already but it went real bad. I wasn't ever aloud to cry too much growing up and i just started crying when my friend died and it ruined me.
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