I posted last month about my 7 year old sons recent diagnosis of autoimmune (type 1) diabetes. It has been extremely stressful and heart breaking. Our lives have changed drastically and nearly all day is spent balancing a delicate tightrope of blood sugars and carb/ food intake, multiple shots and nearly a dozen finger pokes to get blood to check his blood sugar levels.
At 1st I went back and forth between extreme sadness and a sort of numbness/ survival mode. I got on anti-anxiety medication and it helped immensely. Sadness was less and we got in a routine and I felt like I was reaching acceptance.
At the same time I've been working in therapy and went a few weeks without ptsd symptoms as I dealy with the current crisis. Then my symptoms started acting up with dissociation and mood liability/ parts. Recently my mind frequently goes to almost suicidal ideation where thoughts of ways to die pop into my head as well as the inner voice "I want to die" and that I'm so stupid (this is not new and has been a long time symptom of ptsd for me). But I don't want to die and I'm very intelligent. I try to stop them but can't. They've continued to get worse and I am so tired, hungry and unmotivated to to anything productive or that makes me happy except for reading which is one of my escapes from reality.
I don't know if this depression is my ptsd exacerbated by trauma therapy (we've been going really slowly but my "parts" have been triggered with certain topics) or if it situational because of his dx or both combined together.
Therapy is next week but I hate working on current "stuff" because I've wasted years putting out those fires as a way to avoid working on the bigger issues. T has agreed that we should stick to the issues that brought me to therapy but we touch on current things at the beginning of each session.
I guess I'm wondering how to differentiate the two and how to keep them balanced and separate.
At 1st I went back and forth between extreme sadness and a sort of numbness/ survival mode. I got on anti-anxiety medication and it helped immensely. Sadness was less and we got in a routine and I felt like I was reaching acceptance.
At the same time I've been working in therapy and went a few weeks without ptsd symptoms as I dealy with the current crisis. Then my symptoms started acting up with dissociation and mood liability/ parts. Recently my mind frequently goes to almost suicidal ideation where thoughts of ways to die pop into my head as well as the inner voice "I want to die" and that I'm so stupid (this is not new and has been a long time symptom of ptsd for me). But I don't want to die and I'm very intelligent. I try to stop them but can't. They've continued to get worse and I am so tired, hungry and unmotivated to to anything productive or that makes me happy except for reading which is one of my escapes from reality.
I don't know if this depression is my ptsd exacerbated by trauma therapy (we've been going really slowly but my "parts" have been triggered with certain topics) or if it situational because of his dx or both combined together.
Therapy is next week but I hate working on current "stuff" because I've wasted years putting out those fires as a way to avoid working on the bigger issues. T has agreed that we should stick to the issues that brought me to therapy but we touch on current things at the beginning of each session.
I guess I'm wondering how to differentiate the two and how to keep them balanced and separate.