• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Sleep deprivation on purpose

Status
Not open for further replies.

Blackjack

Confident
Does anybody else purposely deprive themselves of sleep as kind of a punishment to themselves?

I am just not sleeping properly at all and it's largely self inflicted. I keep myself awake almost as a kind of punishment. It's kind of self harming or abusing.

I am having severe problems with lack of support and being abandoned by so called friends and this has led to this pattern of behaviour. I am exhausted beyond all measure but unable to break the pattern.

I really feel like I am going crazy.
 
Hey man I hope you're doing okay. I can't really relate to this behavior pattern as my sleep is already messed up but I'm wondering, why are you punishing yourself? Do you have a therapist you can reach out too instead of your 'friends'? I know I don't know you but I am concerned about you not sleeping! You need rest. And to establish healthy habits and coping mechanisms. Keep reaching out and talking
 
Moshputmonkey, I don't have a therapist that's the trouble. I am on a waiting list to see one but here in the UK the wait is so long.

I don't understand it all myself, I wish I did. I just seem to stop myself from sleeping. I am so messed up right now. Thank you for caring, I really appreciate it. X
 
I am having severe problems with lack of support and being abandoned by so called friends and this has led to this pattern of behaviour
Can you talk about this more, in relationship to the sleep deprivation? As in - in your mind, how will keeping yourself awake somehow address the friends issue?
 
Does anybody else purposely deprive themselves of sleep as kind of a punishment to themselves?

I am...
I can relate to the willful avoidance of sleep(pretty bad right now, oddly enough-4th Day I've been on a streak with about 4hrs total sleep). I can't attribute my compulsion to self-harm, but I really get so far out there(had stressful 3yrs and for some reason/some how just started becoming more & more compelled to 'go there'. I don't remember most of the 3yrs b/c I've just 'not been here'(disassociation, depersonalization that snowballs over the periods of sleep avoiding-haven't been able to remember my wedding anniversary date from 2 yrs ago, and things like that have really made others affected negatively. Can you say more of what may be the benefit you feel you are working to achieve by staying up? With me I think I just can't handle any more stress and hardship, and it allows me to 'check out'. I really don't know what I'd do if I wasn't so disconnected; I know the hard realization of how far south my life has plummetted would honestly send me completely over the edge. lol-hopefully I'm not already there! ☻
Take Care,
Roxx
 
In the past I have tried to force myself to stay awake all night, but that has been about fear of sleeping (nightmares, night terrors, doing strange things in my sleep etc) and not a form of self-punishment.

Do you know what you are trying to punish yourself for?
Is it related to the friendship issues?
 
Can you talk about this more, in relationship to the sleep deprivation? As in - in your mind, how...
I am really not sure myself of how or why this is happening Joeylittle. The thing I hadn't mentioned is that I recently lost my beloved dad who I was very close to. Throughout the grieving process I have had most of my friends just turn their backs and walk away. The combination of PTSD and grief is not a nice one.
I go to bed wanting to sleep but a mixture of fear, anxiety and self hate seems to keep me awake. It's as if I am telling myself I don't deserve sleep because I am a bad person.
I try to always help and support my friends regardless of what's going on in my own life but eventually they just walk away. I think this and loosing dad have combined to create all kinds of weird thought processes
 
In the past I have tried to force myself to stay awake all night, but that has been about fear of slee...
I do that. Rarely all night, but often I stay awake until I can't keep my eyes open. It used to be reasonable, watching a bit in bed and being asleep by 1, but lately I'm up til 4AM sometimes and I can't stop myself. Even though it doesn't help my days.
 
I am really not sure myself of how or why this is happening Joeylittle. The thing I hadn't mentioned...
I don't do that with sleep, but I've had times when I realise that I have things which are at the same time in a way coping, but also in a way punishing myself. From me it comes from guilt/shame feelings which essentially make me feel like a bad person any time I'm struggling or feeling weak. Basically it's a learned behaviour from when I was a child although it didn't really get too bad until I got through a really tough time which I couldn't manage on my own, and then I really got bad towards myself.
Sorry I can't help more- just wanted to say that punishing yourself for something in one form or another happens. It's not good, but it happens. Now that you know you are doing it you can start thinking about it and try to discover the root of it.
 
I do that. Rarely all night, but often I stay awake until I can't keep my eyes open. It used to be reasonable, watching a bit in bed and being asleep by 1, but lately I'm up til 4AM sometimes and I can't stop myself. Even though it doesn't help my days.

I find it helpful now to do diaphragmatic breathing exercises before I go to bed. I usually do it for 10 mins - longer if my anxiety is really ramped up. It seems to be an effective way to calm my system down so that I fall asleep quicker and I tend to then have more restful sleep (not so many nightmares/night terrors/shouting out/sleepwalking) My sleep isn't all ok now but I think the breathing exercises really help.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top