D
Deleted member 34535
When I was 18, I worked a full-time job for a military freight forwarder that shipped military spare parts to Egypt for their armed forces. I also bought my own 14 ft. stepvan that I used to do local moving and hauling as well as having a lawn service where I and my helpers would mow from 10-15 lawns a week. My brother approached me when I was 18 and asked me if I would like to share an apt. with him and I said yes. I told you my brother committed suicide 4 and 1/2 years ago. I am convinced my brother was trying to protect me from my perps, my parents and wanted to get me the hell out of their home. I am convinced my brother was trying to protect me my entire life, and I will expand on this in further threads. I was doing all of this non-stop work in my opinion because my redeemer showed me my salvation from my abuse, WORK!!!
When my brother and I moved into our Apartment, I loved it. There was peace and solitude. Then I came home one day after work naturally, and saw a familiar face. Let's call this familiar face DH. I was surprised to see DH at our apartment, and i could not figure out why DH was here. It did not take long to figure out why DH was at our Apartment. DH brought his stash of the evil white powder as I call It, cocaine. I believe DH was a mid-level dealer. He brought his evil white powder for my brother. DH was an apprentice that my "FATHER", and I use that term lightly, worked with. I am still confused about my so-called father's involvement in my and my brother's abuse, but I can tell you definitely that my brother removed my father's middle name and the suffix JR. on his plate on his grave site. It is not looking good for dear old dad. Now I wonder if my father knew of DH's little part-time job and sent him to our home to infect my brother, thus getting my brother hooked on the evil white powder, and further degrade my brother's health and making it more difficult to connect the dots that my brother and I had.
So what is meant by so close yet so far? I was so close to getting hooked on powerful illegal drugs. You see, it was within a very short walk, mere feet, from myself getting up and taking a nice long snort from a rolled up dollar bill. Come one, come all! It was an endless parade of drug users that walked by me and went from the living room where I watched TV and chilled to the dining room where the evil white powder was strewn from one end of the table to another. Some of the wonderful human beings that walked by me would ask, "Dude, how can you sit there and not do this shit." In which I would kindly reply, "All I have to do is look at you dude."
One snort would have been it. The desire to feel like a human being even if only for an infinitesimal period of time would have been most likely it for me. I feel sure that I would have gone the way of my brother. I probably would have purchased a gun like my brother did and taken my life, as my brother did. It would have been just too much to handle. Yes there are times to this day that I wonder what it must feel like to not be in pain. And yes, even as a christian, I wonder these things. Human pain is human pain, it hurts and hurts!! But pain is as much a part of life as joy is. Sorry for the analogy ladies, but we need to grow a set and deal with it. TKU!!
When my brother and I moved into our Apartment, I loved it. There was peace and solitude. Then I came home one day after work naturally, and saw a familiar face. Let's call this familiar face DH. I was surprised to see DH at our apartment, and i could not figure out why DH was here. It did not take long to figure out why DH was at our Apartment. DH brought his stash of the evil white powder as I call It, cocaine. I believe DH was a mid-level dealer. He brought his evil white powder for my brother. DH was an apprentice that my "FATHER", and I use that term lightly, worked with. I am still confused about my so-called father's involvement in my and my brother's abuse, but I can tell you definitely that my brother removed my father's middle name and the suffix JR. on his plate on his grave site. It is not looking good for dear old dad. Now I wonder if my father knew of DH's little part-time job and sent him to our home to infect my brother, thus getting my brother hooked on the evil white powder, and further degrade my brother's health and making it more difficult to connect the dots that my brother and I had.
So what is meant by so close yet so far? I was so close to getting hooked on powerful illegal drugs. You see, it was within a very short walk, mere feet, from myself getting up and taking a nice long snort from a rolled up dollar bill. Come one, come all! It was an endless parade of drug users that walked by me and went from the living room where I watched TV and chilled to the dining room where the evil white powder was strewn from one end of the table to another. Some of the wonderful human beings that walked by me would ask, "Dude, how can you sit there and not do this shit." In which I would kindly reply, "All I have to do is look at you dude."
One snort would have been it. The desire to feel like a human being even if only for an infinitesimal period of time would have been most likely it for me. I feel sure that I would have gone the way of my brother. I probably would have purchased a gun like my brother did and taken my life, as my brother did. It would have been just too much to handle. Yes there are times to this day that I wonder what it must feel like to not be in pain. And yes, even as a christian, I wonder these things. Human pain is human pain, it hurts and hurts!! But pain is as much a part of life as joy is. Sorry for the analogy ladies, but we need to grow a set and deal with it. TKU!!