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So Messed Up....

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Ewevi

Lost my mom in past year...have a father who is a psychopath or sociopath. So manipulative. While he pretends to have compassion - he doesn't. It's all a show. Says the most insensitive things, and only concerned about himself.

Even in time of great need - always judgment - judgment - judgment. Lesson to be taught to me. And I was a good kid. Most parent's would have wanted a child like me...responsible, great grades, honor student, volunteered, helped those in need. Even as an adult he has so much judgement on me -- thinking he needs to teach me lessons.

My lessons....recurring nightmares of war/end of world. Missing time - being told I'm describing dissociation by doctor.

When I was a very young teenager I confronted my mom why my dad "hated me so much." She broke down, and told me it's been like this since I was born. Even non-immediate family members say they picked-up on this...

I'm no longer a teenager... I'm an adult going through hard time dealing with my youth after suppressing it for so long... and I DON"T understand how a parent could "hate" their child so much. People say I'm really smart - but this concept I cannot comprehend. Not that any child, or person, ever needs to try to understand why a parent hates them since they were born....
 
Psychopath says it all.

But, diagnosed or not, some people should never be allowed to have kids. My x-inlaws used to sell their kids to pedophiles for drugs. Other so-called-parents skip the middle step and rape their kids themselves. Others beat them. Or sell their organs for profit. Or go on campaigns of abuse and hatred. Lotta evil people in the world. Their only gift to it, the kids who manage to survive and be made stronger, instead of in their image.
 
I truly hope you don't put your self worth based upon him. I believe some people should never be parents. You sound like an exceptional young woman. I would institute some boundaries with him, for your own sake and well being. You deserve oh so much better. I hope you consider therapy too to deal with the hurtful memories and treatment you have endured.
 
Thanks Cacus.

I believe some people should never be parents. You sound like an exceptional young woman.

I'm a guy (but mistaken for female for my emotions online. I'm just honest and no offense taken) I agree some people should "Never" be parents - and others should be ashamed to be given such a gift. I'm getting professional help, and after this last weekend he is out of my life forever.
 
It may be hard to break the tie to him. It's great you've got help and have made the decision. Hang in there and do what is best for yourself. You are worth it!
 
Boundaries are good. My mom hated me because she hated herself. Some people also can't do emotional connection...not because of us, but because of themselves (sociopaths, or like my mom with her own abuse history)
 
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