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So What Kind Of Response Do Sufferers And Supporters Want?

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Deleted member 28812

I wrote a thread about a talk I had with my father. I complained that I had to do something because my vet could not do it. He basically told me that there are people who have a life lot worse than me and my vet (and he is right) and pointed out I was pretty strong.
I was a bit offended about this response. But then what if he had said just the opposite "His symptoms are the worst I have ever heard of. The both of you must have a horrible life" and what if he had told me I was pretty weak? Would I have felt better? NO!

So what response do I really want? *lol* Best response: the person solves the problem, but that is not always possible.

What response do you want as a sufferer or a supporter? Could you give examples of things people said you found helpful?

I like when people share an inspirational story from their life about overcoming obstacles (PTSD or others). I liked people telling me I am not alone.

I really did like when @holdenmonty told me to him the spouses of sufferers are sort of a little hero ;)
 
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Could you give an example? I think the response I would have liked from my father is "I understand that must suck for you, but please understand that there are people who have been trough worse and flourished. Think of X and Y, aren't their stories inspirational? Never forget you and your husband are not the only ones. Others have been through worse". So basically say the same thing but in other words. So don't say it in words which imply "suck it up and stop complaining you are ungrateful" but point out my blessings and ressourcefulness.
 
What I want and what I need are often totally different things. So I tend to prefer what I need....which is positive responses that help me into positive thinking rather than pulling me into negative thinking. To give me a " there, there it's so hard for you" type of response is not at all beneficial to me as it just drags me down into thinking that way...while I'm fighting with all my strength not to go down that route.

I was told many years ago that I WILL find MY way and My answers when I'm ready....this has always stuck in my mind and brought it back on many occasions to remind myself that I am in control of many things regarding myself and I just have to find the answers, do the work....and to believe that I will.
 
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I think that things put across in a positive light are so much more effective at getting one to move. I like the 'aren't those inspirational stories' without the 'other people have it so much worse'. I think keeping things positive without a comparison that indicates how you 'should be doing things better'.
 
Most of the time I just want to be told it's going to be okay. That we'll get through this. I don't want a problem solver and I hate it when my other half attempts to analyse and explain it all. I just want to know he's there for me in whatever way I need him to be. I work best if left to figure it out for myself so I just need to hear that the support is there either way. But everyone's different and what one person would like to hear, may irritate another. My partner always reminds me that he's not a mind-reader, as does my T. And I can't expect them to be, although it may help at times lol.
 
Personality & maybe resources available, including interiorally? I already go hard on myself or tell myself to suck it up.

I think the truth, and answers/ thoughts, or specific guidance or direction, especially if my thinking is constricted, & also if I can't grasp the next thing to do (even small). Also that it will be ok/ make it through it when it doesn't seem possible.
 
Opinions based in real life experience are best, I think. And yes, some sympathy or some sharing of comfort are good too. I'm a sufferer so I do need to hear about how others have overcome similar difficulties to my own. When I share, I try to relate something similar to what has happened to me. Comforting statements and just someone saying they are sorry I have had to suffer what I just explained are good too. Sometimes it is hard to relate a personal experience with someone here, in which case I may something like "I feel for you." and try to put myself in their shoes a bit if I can. I did remind someone today that getting support is not the only thing we should be here for, giving support is important too, I think. Life is a two way street and to only expect support without giving any is not so good. When one comforts others and gives them some support, it does one's heart and soul good too. It is an important part of the healing process too. Best of all, though, is to say that something similar happened to you when replying to someone and explaining what that was. Somehow it is so comforting to hear that we are not alone.
 
I can't stand people sympathising/ feeling sorry for me. I can't stand people saying 'I know what you mean', and I can't stand people saying 'there are people worse off.' I don't want pity, I don't think generally people do know what I mean, and I'm perfectly well aware there are people worse off.

I also can't stand people telling me it'll work out right in the end.

(No surprise I rarely tell people anything.:D)

The best responses I get are from people who are just willing to listen and not comment, people who are brave enough to tell me when I'm not treating myself right, e.g my therapist telling me: 'give yourself a break!' Or people who can give me practical advice that I can act upon.
 
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