• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Social Interactions

Status
Not open for further replies.
M

midi

Well, sometimes I'm not to good at handling issues that crop up. Often, I simply walk away. I understand it's that PTSD fight or flight, even over the most silly thing, but I need to learn a healthier approach.

Here's the latest example. A chick I've known for like 12 or 13 years has been cheating at Scrabble - both online and in real life. She uses word lists, the dictionary, and even throws her tiles back in the bag when she doesn't like them. She also takes far too long in making words, to the point that the others in the game begin to glaze over.

Normally, when you agree to a game, you agree to the rules right from the start, and you stick to it. So she never agrees. I don't want to play anymore. I understand that cheating to win is important to her and can't persuade her to play by the rules.

The other night we were all sitting around the table and she blatantly cheated. I got mad because she was cheating, so she started making fun of me. I got frustrated. She expects me to keep playing.

I don't want to lose her as a friend, so I'm thinking of just quietly bowing out of any games with her.

By even starting a thread about it here, I'm already blowing it out of proportion. I need to develop skills to deal with people.
 
midi,

I think that if it 'bugs you' it isn't out of proportion, you have a right to feel what you want.

You can ask her to stop and explain that it's no fun playing with her like that and you won't be, if it continues. But if she won't, she won't - you can't control her.

Why does she take it so serious, frankly? Maybe she feels like she has to "win at all costs". Whatever, last time I looked they called it a "game" because you're supposed to be having fun/ relaxing- how much fun can you have that way?

I don't think that there's anything wrong with what you feel at all. In fact, I think you have a lot more patience than I would.

Yes- I "take flight" from more situations than I'd care to admit to, too. Trying to work on changing that, even with small "opportunities".

Btw, remember you mentioning on a post you thought that you are (paraphrasing) not 'popular'- I disagree. I always look forward to your posts and get much from them. It's actually my fault for not telling YOU that.
-True!
 
does she bug you in non-competitive situations? such as just sitting around talking and having a glass of wine, cup of coffee etc??
 
Can you suggest playing another game, get into some training and become a better cheat than her? Actually, it all sounds very annoying. Goodness only knows how to deal with friends... I'm not the best person to make a suggestion. But am just wondering, is something in what she is doing a trigger for you? Lying/betrayal/someone ignoring your wishes?
 
I get bent out of shape over things like this, too. There's a guy I play cards with sometimes, and I know he cheats, he even admits it. But I finally reached the point I don't care. I know why I'm there, it's a night out for me. He is the way he is, and as long as he's not the only one there, I can get by.

However, I know you're kind of "in it" right now with this person and it's not easy to just let it go all at once. Maybe just taking a break from their company would do you good, let things settle first.
 
Hi midi,

You could always just do the same thing she does. Maybe it's a new rule she made up and if it's a new rule then their shouldn't be any reason you can't play that way unless you don't want to.

I think it would be an interesting experiment to play the game her way and see what happens. It's funny because my daughter does this and not with just scrabble LOL.

I go along with it for the fun and if it. But if it makes the game too boring I will refuse to play, but my husband gets real upset over it.

You might like it, or she may decide to go by the original rules. Just take a chance and see how it goes.

Tammy
 
midi,

It would piss me off too. Even though it's a *game*, the game has rules.....I guess you will need to figure out how to handle this. You have a bunch of options already from others suggestions.

I wonder what she gets out of this????
 
Well, see, I believed that I was the one with the problem, because I was getting angry. But now that I've read your responses, maybe that isn't the case.

She does do other things - like in real life games, she makes me count her points, because she can't be bothered. I was so pissed that I started saying "count your own tiles." It pissed her off so much that the other girl we always play with started counting for her.

She comes from a war torn country (WWII descendant, eastern block)--but has been here for 20 years. That helps see why she must be the best at everything at any cost - but what is the point of playing the game in the first place?

How's this? What if I simply stopped putting any effort into the games I play that involve her? Like, I get the lowest score possible, since it matters so much to her to win?
 
This would be a hard decision for me too. Can you still be friends and just not play board or card games?

Do you have different options for going out together to do something different?...Zoo..Museums..music and plays, if you can get cheap tickets. I don't know how far you are away from entertainments like these. But even picnics when spring comes might be fun.

If cheating per se bothers you, then I don't think your cheating will make you feel good. Changing the rules of the game for all players works though. Anyone can exchange tiles...etc. Often when I played with my kids, we played the games differently. Like snakes and ladders, we agreed that you didn't have to go down a slide just sit at the top of the slide for a turn- made it less 'heartbreaking' for kids under 7 or 8.

Really, you are allowed even encouraged to look out for yourself now- so test everything with your beliefs. Either something fits or it doesn't.
 
I personally think that people who cheat at games are sociopaths or compulsive cheaters in all parts of life. They are solidly dishonest people who take the sport and fun out of games and other social situations.
Children cheat at games before they learn better social skills. Winning isn't everything; it's the fun of chance in a game that makes it fun.
Adults who cheat never acquired those social skills so I try not to be around them. The cheater needs to grow up and learn to be a good sport.
 
I just read this and find myself grinning from ear to ear for no obvious reason. My first reaction if this was me is a childish one, "I don't wanna play anymore!"

However, I have played money poker with friends where the rules weren't clearly stated and the betting got out of hand and they lost. They didn't take it very well. What have I done since? I keep it very friendly and don't allow the betting to get out of hand, because my friendship with them is worth more to me than a game. When it feels good to just hang out and play cards, nothing else (sportsmanship, rules, etc.) becomes more important than that.
 
Well, I am not going to be very popular with this answer but I can't help it. I've tryed to find something good to say witin the confines of this post and all I can come up with it this

Good Lord, people, It Is A Game She Cheats Get Over It Life Is To Short

We have more important issues
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top