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General Soldiers and "down time" - or lack thereof

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Sighs

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My veteran absolutely HATES to see me relax. As I sit down for a cuppa he will say something like 'Did the washing machine finish yet?' or 'Have the dogs been fed?' or my least favourite 'What are you doing now?'

Is this hypervigilance? Army culture? PTSD? ADHD? TBI? Arrgghhh! Regardless, any suggestions as to how I can make him see that I need time to sit and relax sometimes?
 
Besides swatting him on the ass and telling him to get his sweet little cheeks up and check the washer himself? ;)

Army thing... he's used to making people do their jobs. He's a manager with nothing to manage. I get stuff like that too when mine's more symptomatic. I love the dichotomy of being "incompetent", yet "responsible for everything".

Would he respond to "scheduled mandatory fun"? Like after 8 is scheduled Netflix and couch time, All chores done for the day?
 
He often complains about being responsible for everything - by which he means responsible for supervising everything! He said just the other night that I don't seem to realise that thinking of things and making sure that they have been done (note the passive voice - translates to: "that, you Sighs have done them) is just as big a job as actually doing the things. Hence how you can be incompetent AND have to do everything!

I would very much like to schedule some off duty time. Especially when he tells me I should do certain things - like practising tying knots - "in my own time". What friggin own time???
 
My army vet is the exact opposite. "Just sit down and watch the movie, already!" I have a hard time just sitting and watching a movie or multiple episodes of a tv show without doing something else productive -- fold clothes, clean kitchen, cook, etc. I think that comes from him having all the time in the world to get what he needs to done, when I have a regular 8-5. Also, he grew up on tv and I didn't really.
 
Sorry I'm new to this but I saw this and I couldn't resist.
My N has way too much time on his hands. He doesn't work due to injuries he got in combat and PTSD. He is still sleeping when I leave for work and when I come him he is sitting down watching television. I come home and do the cooking and the laundry and the cleaning when all I want to do is relax. He has way too much time on his hands that he seems go get mad or jealous when I come home. He needs a hobby buy refuses to leave the house unless it's a doctor apt or to see his friends like once a month if he decides to go... I'm going crazy because I don't have any alone time to just think by myself. His counselor also has suggested he get out of the house once a week and volunteer somewhere but he just won't do it. The more he sits in the house the madder he becomes. Does anyone have any suggestions?
 
Does he cook? My vet will cook if we meal plan. He knows what we're having and that we have all the groceries, so he can go to town. He's a great cook, so it gives him something to do and a routine.

Of course when he feels bad it flies out the window. It's nice the rest of the time though.
 
He often complains about being responsible for everything - by which he means responsible for supervising...
Maybe suggest that you just make a chart on a whiteboard and check off what is done, so he has more free time to help with the completion of all the tasks! You know, help him clear his busy thinking schedule!
 
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