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Somatic therapy experience odd

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by Ladygdala, Feb 11, 2018.

  1. Ladygdala

    Ladygdala Member

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    I started Somatic Therapy a few sessions ago. Trying to reconnect my body and mind, I have constant disconnect and intense fatigue. I haven’t noticed much in the first few sessions but this last session I had a bit of a panic episode. It wasn’t like the panic attacks I had in my teens which were more (which were intense and inward) these were noticeable and outwards.

    My counselor and I were doing somatic work. I had had an issue with saying no in my teens and early 20’s. She asked if I had a person I’ve wanted to say no to in the past and A thought came up of how I’ve wanted to say no to a guy and didn’t (In my promiscuous days) I think I had a memory but I can’t recall what one it was from. I just remember exposed skin. I sat with this odd feeling for a while and my mind drifted off and deep into something else and I started feeling weird, like my hands were extremely fat and my legs were big popsicle sticks. I felt an airy or galaxy feeling within my torso. As if it wasn’t there anymore. The focus became my body and how odd it was feeling. I stayed with it questioning it. But It became way too overwhelming and so very surreal I started hyperventilating and burst into tears and had to open my eyes. It wasn’t one specific memory though. I just placed myself in the position of me about to say no to a guy and my mind trailed off somewhere deeper where all I could actually focus on was my body and how surreal it felt. I’ve ignored many body alarms before. Perhaps so many that they’ve stopped alarming me. I’m so frustrated that it wasn’t a specific memory. I feel like if it was, I’d be closer to figuring things out. It’s hard to explain. I don’t think it was about the saying no part, my mind went to a different place that I can’t quite recall.

    Has anybody had this type of surreality? Or any other somatic experience they’d like to share?
     
    shimmerz likes this.
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  3. Rumors

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    Ugh. I would likely freak out if I had that experience. I have had some during emdr but they have mainly been shaking and upset stomach types of things. I have spent my whole life disconnecting from those feelings it seems unbearable to think about connecting with them. Yikes! Please post more though as you continue with this therapy. I am intrigued with how it goes.
     
    ladee likes this.
  4. Ladygdala

    Ladygdala Member

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    Yes! I’m afraid to feel those feelings/sensations again. After that episode, I was more disconnected than before and have been for 2 weeks now. Started running again though and that’s helping me feel stronger in feeling feelings. If that makes sense. Last session of somatic therapy was more relaxed. Asked questions on my happy places such as nature and my family dog. So low key stuff. Focusing on things that make me feel less floaty.
    How do you find emdr?
     
    ladee likes this.
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    Ugh... floaty is a good word. I sometimes just have to go away. It hasn't been easy and I have been apprehensive about it because the shame I feel about what happened drives me to a bad place before I start. Then, I go back to the time frame of the trauma and it just makes me have tons of anxiety. I am sticking with it though bc I know it will eventually help. Lol. Everything in time..
     
    ladee likes this.
  6. Ladygdala

    Ladygdala Member

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    I’m worried it’s not doing much because of my disconnect.. I’m just so empty headed it’s frustrating I cannot pin point any of my traunas or memories of anything really except that one time which was shut off completely very quickly as it flashed.
     
    ladee likes this.
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    I think you have to keep letting your therapist know where you are with everything and trust that they are equipped to help you navigate through. I hope anyway. I know that my therapist has a vested interest in my well being and would never inflict any harm or pain therefore I keep pecking away at emdr.
     
    ladee likes this.
  8. Ladygdala

    Ladygdala Member

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    Yes, I do trust my therapist. I guess I just want to be ahead more in my healing. I’ve had a rough week so far. Been having to go home from work nearly every day. On the outside, I don’t think I’m noticed as having a hard time in my day. On the inside I’m screaming and fighting, thinking about acting out my frustration but I can’t. I disconnect even more with the slightest bit of stress. A part of me wants to tell my coworkers what’s going on with me and the other half is saying dont, they won’t understand, they will just ask why I cant just let it go and just be happy. But I’m exhausted.

    Have you found any difference with emdr? I’m kinda curious about it now. It seems to be more often used than somatic work.
     
    ladee likes this.
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    Yes on smaller traumas but I haven't gotten to the end of larger bad stuff. I don't know enough about somatic work but in using emdr it as well puts you in touch with what is going on in your body, it's kind of weird but you feel if your stomach is upset or your head hurts...it makes you aware of what is going on in your body.
     
    ladee likes this.
  10. Ladygdala

    Ladygdala Member

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    Oh that sounds very useful... that’s what somatic therapy is supposed to do as well. Maybe I will suggest the emdr as well. Possibly combining would be ok too? Do you get inmidiate feelings? Meaning after one session you can feel things?
     
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    Yup... the next day is always worse for me. It's when I start processing things.
     
    ladee likes this.
  12. Ladygdala

    Ladygdala Member

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    Hmm that sounds like it helps.. I fear having to quit my job for the time being.. I’ve told my boss but I’ve been fairly alright here. Not noticeable to them anyhow. Although I’m way more exhausted than I was before and it gets worse. I used to be able to last till 3pm now it’s noon that I start feeling weak and burned out. Did you have that? Or end up having to take time off?
     
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    I own my company so I have learned to be strategic about what I plan for the rest of the day or day after. Sometimes I just have to suck it up but for the most part I plan to be in my office those days so that I can vegetate if need be. Lol. I also listen to a lot of mediation those days and positive affirmations. I keep up with my employees through text usually and can often times minimize my face to face meetings those days. It's when I have to meet the mayor, or someone high powered that sets the schedule and meeting time is when I have to back up in therapy and have a light day. No emdr on days where I am negotiating a contract or spending money...lol.
     
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